Lean On Me
by Dark Chyld713
Summary: When Alaina Vasquez's personal life falls apart a chance meeting at work brings her help in the most unlikely of people. Together they must support each other if they want to get their lives back on track and move on. John CenaOC
1. First Impressions

Alaina eyed the clock on the nightstand by her bed. It was three a.m. and everything was far too quiet for her liking. It had been an exceptionally long day at work. More big shots coming into the office; more organizing, and making things just so for whoever it was coming in the next day. Now all she wanted was to sleep and rejuvenate her overly tired body. However her mind had different plans for her that night as thoughts of how far off track her life was barreled through her mind, keeping her awake.

At twenty five years old this wasn't supposed to be her life. There was supposed to be a home, a pet _preferably a dog_, and a happy husband snoring softly by her side in bed. Alaina sighed and threw off the covers. Another sleepless night, making it a week straight that she had barely slept. Maybe she needed a new bed; one that every time she looked at it didn't make her feel lonely or betrayed. Maybe she needed a new place, one that only belonged to her. Free from memories of happier days. In the middle of the night though, all Alaina truly needed was some rest.

Bleary eyed she made her way to the kitchen to grab a drink. She twirled the glass in her hands as she thought over her life. When she slipped on a wedding band five years earlier this was not what she had expected. Not that she had expected a happily ever after; she wasn't sure she even really believed in them. She just never expected that, that man would walk away taking a large piece of her heart, and soul, along with him. There was nothing that would shake him from her thoughts; and the long, cold winter nights only served to make the dull ache in her chest worse. The pain had grown to such epic proportions that Alaina could not say his name without tears falling down her face. Yet, there was not a day that went by that she did not think of him.

With another sigh Alaina climbed back into her bed after finishing off her drink. Her hand moved over the now empty space beside her. Her eyes fixated on the large vacant spot across the bed as she fell once more into a light fitful sleep trying to prepare for the day that lie ahead of her.

The normally confident and high spirited John Cena found himself dragging his feet as he approached the Iron Tower. He knew that there was no real reason for him to dread the meeting he had that day. He reasoned with himself that all of it was normal business, and there was nothing to fear. Reminding himself that simple meetings about new storylines always happened. Yet somehow as he drove his old beat up Jeep Wrangler the closer that he got to WWE headquarters the harder the feelings of uneasiness fell upon him.

He had had a hard week personally and professionally. Now he dreaded losing the only thing that was hold his life, and his sanity in tact, his championship reign. This business was everything to him, and he had just proved that this past week. He had chosen the business over his personal life just one too many times. Although he was hurting from what had happened in his personal life, he couldn't seem to regret what had happened. This business engrossed every bit of him, and he loved it. Losing his belt, along with the one woman who had been his everything for the last year would drive him off the deep end.

As hard as he tried to portray the man that everyone was expecting him to be, today he could not manage it. There was no playfulness in his words, no energetic bounce in his step. Maybe it was because he hadn't had any time off in nearly three months and he was tired. But more likely than not, it was because his spirit had finally been broken.

For now though, there could be no more stalling as he stepped inside headquarters. He would have to deal with whatever creative had decided to do with the championship belt.

He smiled at the familiar faces he had seen many times, yet knew none of their names. He knew what they were all expecting from him, and for the first time in his career he found himself becoming exceedingly irritated by it. Today he did not want to be John Cena the wrestler, or the rapper, or the movie star. Today he simply wanted to be John Cena, a man who was tired and lonely. He wanted to be left alone, just for a day, so that he could begin to deal with the massive weight of his life, _or lack there of depending on how it was viewed. _He could not remember the last time that he had a day alone with no interruptions, no business that needed tending to. He could he deal with the pain that coursed inside his chest if he wasn't able to simply be weak, even for a day? He loved his career beyond compare. He found it exhilarating, and a fabulous life; albeit weary and over demanding.

The sight of dark, wavy hair sprawled across a desk stopped John in his tracks and pulled him from his thoughts. Being in a different mood, he might have done something intentionally to make the person in the chair jump. As it was though, he was hardly in the mood to be in public. With a small cough and a tap on the door he walked in the office and watched the woman pick her head up off the desk.

"If this is a bad time I can come back," John said smiling and breaking the silence. "I'm John- "

"I know who you are Mr. Cena. I'm sorry, you're waiting for the big bosses right? I'll go tell them that you're here." She smiled politely and pushed the chair back from the desk.

"No, please, sit for a minute. It looks like you could use the rest." John sat in one of the chairs across the desk and watched with amusement as the woman before him seemed to become a bit embarrassed.

Alaina felt the blood rush to her cheeks as her face heated up. She said silent thanks for her Latin roots that were hiding the small amount of blushing that she knew was occurring.

"I'm sorry," she quickly made apologies. "I was just trying to find a few papers for a file I have to finish, but as you can tell," she motioned to the papers that were strewn across the desk. "It's pretty disorganized. I got so fed up with looking that I just threw my head down on the desk."

John laughed at the explanation that had just been rambled off to him. He had to concentrate just to understand the words that were flying from this woman's mouth. His spirited lifted a bit as he stared at this woman in front of him. He wasn't sure if it was because he saw another person just as vulnerable and frazzled as he was, or because her honesty was a refreshing change from the political games that he had to play along with backstage.

"Everyone is entitled to having a bad day," he said as nonchalant as he could. As much as he did not want to be the wrestling superstar at the time, he was more uncomfortable showing his own vulnerability to a total stranger.

Alaina could see a shadow pass over John's face as he commented. She wondered if she had imagined it, because as quickly as it seemed to appear it had vanished leaving no trace on his relaxed, handsome features. She shrugged at his comment and began to sift through the papers on the desk once more.

"I'll keep that in mind," she said coolly. She concentrated even harder on finding the necessary papers to stop herself from letting out an extremely sarcastic remark about a bad day lasting for nearly two months.

"Do you need any help? You seem to be running yourself ragged and I'm just sitting here watching," John said. He found it hard to stop smiling as he watched her rummage through papers.

Alaina waved John off with her hand before she held up her hand in victory. "Ah ha! I found them." She stood up from the chair and smiled at the look on John's face. She had seen that look one too many times not to know what it meant. "I'm not even five feet. It's what you want to know right?" She asked as she smirked at the look on his face. "Everyone I meet wants to know that. I know I'm small, and I used to hate it. But as I got older, I got used to it. Eventually even love it. It's a big part of who I am. I'll let the creative team know you're here," she said leaving the office before giving John any opportunity to reply.

Alaina walked into her small office and once more threw her hand on her desk. Her life was spiraling out of control at the moment, and rambling on to one of the top wrestling superstars only served to make her feel even more ridiculous.

She had yet to tell anyone what was happening. Even her own mother, her most trusted confident and advisor did not know that Alaina was about to file for divorce. Alaina barely believed it herself. Each and every day she felt a piece of her die all over again knowing that her most beloved was not going to walk through her door every again. If she were smart Alaina might just accept it as a sad but true fact of her life. She could give in to the overwhelming feeling of loneliness that was encroaching upon her no matter how hard she fought it. But that was the problem, she, Alaina, was a fighter. The idea of losing what she considered to be the best part of her life did not sit well with her.

She jumped as she felt her cell phone vibrate against her life. She sighed seeing that the call was from her mother. No doubt to ask when the "happy couple" would be visiting once more. "No time like the present to tell her the truth. At least I have a reason to rush her off the phone," she said to herself as she flipped her phone open and braced herself for the conversation to follow.

John sat in the conference room barely able to concentrate on what was being said. Something about a feud with Rated RKO giving way to a small feud with Shawn Michaels. This was the future of his career, and he knew that he should have been trying harder to concentrate on the details, but his mind was elsewhere.

John had walked into the building in a foul mood not wanting to talk to anyone. Now though, as he sat in one of the large leather chairs he found himself wanting another conversation with the woman that he had come across. It occurred to him as he sat there, trying to act as if he were paying attention, that he never went out of his way to learn her name.

No matter what anyone could say, or think about him "ladies man" was not of those terms that applied to John. Sure, now that he was famous he had women bowing before him begging to be in his bed. That still did not make him any better at wooing women. When he was a nobody he had only managed to sweep one woman off her feet, and like all the rest of his relationships that one didn't work either. He may not have been suave with women but he knew better than to end a conversation without knowing her name.

"Smooth John, real smooth," he mumbled softly to himself, angry at his gross oversight.

He was too busy lecturing himself about not asking for his mystery woman's name that he failed to notice the meeting was over and creative was filing out of the room. It barely mattered to him, the meeting was fairly routine anyway. As always it was a quick, brief overview of the next big story line change that was happening. He looked around shocked that he was the last one out. Normally he was the first one to rush out of the door after these kinds of meetings. He stood up and walked out the door determined to find the woman he had run into, once more. The best idea he could come up with was to simply walk by all of the creative team's offices and hope to spot the wavy dark brown head of hair once more.

It didn't take John too long to find the office that his mystery lady occupied. Although the sight that greeted him as he walked into the office made him want to laugh. His mood lightened just a bit more as he studied the dark brown hair once more sprawled out across a desk. He hardly knew this woman and yet he was intrigued by her. Something about her caught John's interest and he wanted to know why, and what exactly it was that held his interest.

He leaned against the door frame watching the same mane of dark hair move around on her desk as she mumbled something that John couldn't quite make out.

"Mom, I have to go now. I know Mom," her voice was agitated and tired. And John knew the feeling. "Momma yo se, pero- " she was cut off and let out a frustrated sigh. "Ok mom. Mom necesito ir. No puedo hablar ahora." There was a pause before she spoke again. "No, yo trabajando." There was another pause, and John was even more fascinated listening to the exchange in Spanish. "Si mom, si. Ok, adios."

John saw the phone slam on the desk and hands work their way through long thick waves.

"How come every time I see you, you're napping?" John asked finally making his presence known.

"Huh?" Alaina looked up to see who was talking to her. "I wasn't napping, I was talking to my wonderful, loving, but extremely over bearing mother. She drives me up the wall. How is it that two words from that woman can make me want to kill myself?" She threw her head back onto the desk not truly paying attention to the way she was acting. Too annoyed by the conversation with her mother, and the state of her life, to care. She knew that the superstars had a lot of pull. Make a bad impression on one of them and it could be the end of your career with the company.

"Parents can certainly do that to you," John said thinking back to his own confrontation with his family earlier in the week.

Suddenly as if Alaina remembered where she was, and who she was talking to she snapped her head up and apologized to John once more.

"I must look so unprofessional right now. I am so, so sorry. Did you need me to do something for you Mr. Cena?"

John cringed at her words. Nothing made him feel old like someone calling him mister. "Please, call me John. My father is Mr. Cena."

"Alright," she paused thinking over how odd the entire situation was. "John. Did you need me to do something for you?"

"Yupp, your name."

"Excuse me?"

"Well we've talked twice now an I don't know your name. Now- you know who I am so I figure it's only fair."

"Yes but there's a difference here. See you are plastered absolutely everywhere. Me, I'm just the executive assistant for the creative department."

John sighed and felt the familiar weight drop back on his shoulders. That was what everyone seemed to think. He couldn't place why, but this woman brought out an honesty and sincerity that few saw. "Today I don't want to be. In here I'm no more than a simple every day man from Massachusetts. I'll even begin the introductions as such. I am John Cena, and it is a pleasure to meet you- " he paused, waiting expectantly to hear the woman's name.

Alaina eyed him suspiciously wondering what this was all about. Unable to find anything other than a smile and an outstretched hand in the gesture she smiled and shook his hand. "Alaina. Alaina Vasquez." She felt a pang of sadness and hurt break over her as she used her maiden name once more. The first time that she did not have to remind herself to use it. The first time that she did not have to remind herself that her marriage had crumbled.

John smiled and took off the Boston Red Sox baseball cap that he had on. "Nice to meet you Ms. Vasquez."

She shook her head and broadened her smile. "Alaina will do. I'm not old enough to be so formal."

John let out a soft chuckle and nodded. "Ok. Nice to meet you, Alaina."


	2. Call Me Scrappy

John sat in the corner of the locker room watching the rest of the men try to suit up and stretch out for the nights show. And although he was there every bit physically, his mind still sifted through the conversation that he had had with Alaina nearly two weeks ago.

He could not understand how she managed to be candid about her current situation while still seeming distant and professional. Alaina had been warm and caring while he sat in her office trying to pass the afternoon away from prying, curious eyes. John had been able to be someone other than his ring persona; and it did wonders for him. Even if it were for an afternoon it was a break that he needed. Alaina would stay with him for quite a while for giving him one simple conversation.

"I thought that you would be a bit more alive today, man," a deep voice brought John back to the present. "You know it's been a couple of weeks already. She left you. You need to move on. There are hundreds of women out there just waiting to spend the night with you."

John laughed and looked into the crystal blue eyes of Randy Orton; The newly reformed playboy that just could not seem to shake the notion that a different woman in your bed every night was the best way to live.

"Man, this isn't about Maria. And just because there are hundreds of women waiting for me doesn't necessarily mean that I want them. I've spent the last year bringing women back to bed every night and leaving them the next morning. I'm taking a break. I'm benched."

Now it was Randy's turn to laugh as he laced up his wrestling boots. "Too bad, you're disappointing so many women. Even more so now, that I'm off the market."

"Let's skip the 'all women want me' routine. At least for tonight."

"Alright, let's move on to the next topic. Here you're getting a new agent tonight."

"Not really a new one, just a replacement for a few weeks. Rich," John said referencing his usual agent. "had a bad family emergency and is taking a bit of time off."

"New blood, you know how I love new blood."

John shook his head and laughed once more. "Is that why you are expecting me to be more excited? Maybe if it were some hot chick, but as far as I know it's not."

"Well what do you now?"

"Stephanie only told me that _his_ name is Al," John said trying to lower Randy's hopes of seeing a new female among the backstage roster.

"Oh well, I guess we'll just have to make due with a hairy man. I mean since you're taking a break and all."

"Save it man. I've had enough of women, at least for a while."

Alaina stepped out of the rental car that had been waiting for her at the airport and fixed her jacket. When she had agreed to fill in on the road it seemed like a good idea. Stephanie McMahon had come to her and practically begged for Alaina to fill in for a road agent. He needed to leave right away, and with the publicity craze of wrestlemania there would be no way that they could do without one of their backstage people.

If Alaina had thought of saying no, a heart breaking phone call from a man she had gotten to know well over the past two years of working with the company would push the idea out of her mind. Richard had become like another brother to her. He needed her to help him out. Alaina would not dream of saying no. Her mother always said that she was built to carry others burdens for them. She had more strength than she would give herself credit for. So Alaina had agreed to help him out with a smile on her face, and a prayer on the wind that he and his family would all be fine.

There was not much time to sit and second guess her decision as most of her days had been filled between working and making traveling preparations. Now as she looked at the arena she second guessed every decision she had made over the past two weeks.

Alaina was not afraid or nervous about working with John Cena. She had spent an afternoon talking with him; she knew that she would be able to get along well with him. She was nervous about the intimacy that she knew would be occurring over the next few weeks. It had been nearly three months since her husband had left her. She was afraid that, that part of her; the part that could love and care had been ripped away from her. How could she possibly be part of this backstage family when the thought of trusting another person again made her scoff in disbelief? How could she come off as friendly while trying to stay distant?

She had prayed for a distraction from the constant hurting. From the depression that on days wanted to keep her in bed. She had prayed night after night that God would somehow find a way to put her back on course; that she would be able to find her way back to who she once was. This was her answer. Travel for a few weeks, and try to filter through the pain, and the feelings of betrayal that dictated her every action.

She let out a long, deep cleansing sigh and went in search of her temporary boss. If nothing else, the time away from home would be interesting. _A story to tell my children one day, that is, if there are ever children. _ Alaina scolded herself for concentrating on all the could have's in her life when she needed to be focused. Still, even as she tried to gather herself together enough to appear professional and semi-friendly, she felt tears sting the back of her eyes. Threatening to send her into another hysterical mess right there in the middle of the backstage chaos. Leaning against the nearest wall, Alaina shut her eyes, trying to fight back the emotional onslaught that she had foolishly brought upon herself.

"Alaina?" A soft voice asked from in front of her.

Alaina opened her eyes and smiled at her new boss for the next few weeks. "Josephine, how are you doing?" She pushed herself off the wall and held out her hand. "It's been a little bit hasn't it?"

"Well you were the one who took the office job," Josephine smiled sadly and shook the outstretched hand. "I heard about what happened, with your marriage. I'm so very sorry."

"Hey, things happen. It just turned sour, nothing to be done about it." Alaina tried to sound dismissive although the tears that were still forming in the back of her eyes shimmered under the bright lights over head.

An uncomfortable silence fell over the two women for a minute before Josephine remembered her professionalism and spoke up. "Let's get you set up with your schedule, and general list of duties."

Alaina smiled and nodded. She could tell that Josephine was at a loss for words. When Alaina had started telling people about the state of her marriage she never expected the range of reactions that it would garner. Most people were stunned when she told them of the troubles that she was having. Not that hearing about divorce was the most tragic thing people heard of, but it did seem to be one of the most awkward. No one knew whether to apologize, or try to make some comment about how she didn't deserve him, or she was better off without him. Alaina was grateful for the silence, and lack of comment that Josephine offered on the subject.

Alaina looked over the papers that were in her hand. Even after two years in the company, she had never realized how much the superstars did before the shows. She eyed the schedule for the next week that she held and wondered how anyone did it.

"I'll go get John. You'll need to get friendly if you'll be spending this much time together. With wrestlemania coming up there is a whirlwind of press. You came in at the busiest time of the year." Josephine said making her way over to the door. Noticing the look of worry on Alaina's face she placed a hand on the young woman in front of her. "You are a smart, energetic woman. You'll make it through this just fine," she said reassuring Alaina. "I'll go get the man himself so that you can meet."

Alaina smiled and nodded. She did not feel like explaining the prior meeting that she had with John. She did not fully understand it herself either. John had walked out of the office after asking her name, and fifteen minutes later came back with some salads for a light lunch not leaving her office till the end of the business day. Alaina could not understand why he wanted to spend the rest of the afternoon with her, but was not complaining about the company. John was surprisingly sweet, extremely witty, and did not once hit on her. In any other state of mind that might have been upsetting to her, but for now Alaina enjoyed the fact that John did not make any comment. Alaina enjoyed that afternoon immensely, and was not willing to share it with anyone else.

The sound of the door opening suddenly made Alaina jump in her chair. She had been thinking over her afternoon with John in such vivid detail that she lost track of everything else around her. The world had fallen away for a short time. The sudden noise had brought it back, and Alaina was a bit annoyed at that fact. Until she turned around and saw a large frame standing in the doorway looking something between confused and delighted.

"I'm sorry- am I- am I in the wrong office?" John could not help but smile at Alaina. He was absolutely delighted at seeing her.

"Absolutely not," she smiled at him and stood up. "You are right where you should be."

"Then are you in the wrong place? I could have sworn that you were supposed to be up in Connecticut keeping appointments and paperwork in order. And _I _am supposed to be meeting my temporary road agent named- "

"Al?" Alaina finished John's sentence and laughed. She put her hands in the air and waved her hands. "Here I am. It's Stephanie's way of making sure that the men don't start forming plans for me before I even arrive. Guys tend to make bets on who is going to nail the new girl first. Stephanie wants to make sure that I come in without pre-determined drama."

"Alright, I can understand that." John's smile grew and his eyes lit up. "So Alaina it looks like we're going to be seeing a lot more of each other."

"Looks like it. Well, I have things to do, and you have a show to put on."

John stood in front of the door not moving, or allowing Alaina through. "Is this how it's going to be?" John chuckled at the look of confusion on Alaina's face. He wondered if she had idea how truly captivating her eyes were. Or if she realized how relaxing her mere presence was. "All business and no play?"

"I'd have to say so. Not to say that we can't be friendly, because we already are."

"But- " John waited for the rest of her sentence. From their last conversation he knew that she was going through a hard time. Now he waited for her excuse to close herself off, and distance their relationship before it had even started.

"I'm here for business John, that's all."

John nodded and stepped aside. "Understandable," he said as he let Alaina walk out first before following. "Well, Ms. Vasquez, I'll leave you to your business then."

"Thank you," she paused for a moment turning around to look John straight in the eye. "Mr. Cena." Alaina smiled and walked away. She began to laugh as she heard John's deep laughter fill the hallway. At least she had not lost her sense of humor throughout everything.

Somehow even though Alaina tried desperately to focus on the work before her, she found her mind drifting to thoughts of John. Something deep inside her regretting telling him things between them have to stay strictly professional. There is no desire to try and sleep with him, or start any real relationship; but there is a deep need for a friend. And although she had only met John twice, she wants to hear his laughter fill her empty hotel room. His sweet simplicity and quiet concern open Alaina up enough to realize that although she's been hurt, there is still good in the world.

Giving up on trying to read over the same papers she's been working on for an hour, Alaina looks at the T.V. that she had turned on simply for the noise. It had become a habit for her now. The quiet always seems to suffocate Alaina, and she needs background noise. She needs to feel like there is someone in her life, even when there isn't. How had she become so weak? When had her strength failed her? As she stares at a movie that holds no interest for her, she tries to pin down the exact moment when it had all started falling apart. But the closer she gets to memories, the harder it is to breathe. The pain seeps into her chest, constricting it with ever new thought, every memory relived. She shook her head and began to flick through the channels. The tears that were teetering right at the edge of her eyes threatening to spill down her cheeks are wiped away angrily. _Maybe, _she hopes, _maybe there is still some strength left in me. _Maybe there is still something left to offer the world inside of her torn, broken soul.

"Hey," a voice yells from the other side of her door. "Are you going to ignore me all night? You can't just leave someone standing here like a fool."

As Alaina rushed over to the door the confusion sets in. How was it that she didn't hear the knocking? And who would want to come and see her at such a late hour. _What time is it anyway?_

"John?" She asks opening the door. "What are you doing here?"

"Knocking for about the last five minutes," he smiles at her trying to get her to loosen up a bit. He had no real plan for coming by her room at all. She had made her intentions clear at the arena, and he had no problem with it. They would work together, joke when the moment allotted, and otherwise go on with their lives as if they had no effect on each other. John was used to that with most of the backstage staff. He knew that it would be best if things stayed like that. Yet he was standing in Alaina's door hoping that she would let him in. Hoping for another conversation, and the chance to see her smile, maybe ever get her to laugh.

There was an innate sadness that he could see in Alaina. Behind everything else that she exuded was a gentle sadness that he wanted to help cure. And as he paced his hotel room, he knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep that night. Not until he was sure that he had broken through that guarded demeanor that Alaina seemed to keep up.

"Aren't you going to let me in at all?" John asked laughing at the small blush he could see forming at the base of her neck.

"Oh God, yeah come on in," Alaina stepped aside and let John in, still confused by his sudden appearance.

"So what are you doing in here?" John eyed the papers scattered along the bed. "Working on something?"

"I have to catch up on things. I'm not usually on the road, so I have things to learn, and memorize."

John looked up at Alaina standing near the doorway. Something in him broke noticing how cautious and nervous she was. He knew that there was a more confident, and determined woman in there. But right now all he saw was vulnerability, and a slight bit of fear.

"So we're still on that 'all business' plan?" John shook his head. "No, no, no that just won't do Ms. Vasquez. It simply won't do."

Alaina wanted desperately to throw John out of her room right then. Everything in this situation reeked of upcoming intimate moments. Intimate moments meant trusting. Trusting at the moment formed a small lump of bile in the back of her throat.

Although she contemplated throwing him out Alaina made her way to the couch and sat down; falling into easy banter with John.

"I didn't realize that I had become your personal crusade Mr. Cena."

Alaina smiled when she saw John cringe once more at being called "Mr. Cena" again.

"When are you going to stop calling me that?"

"When you decide to stop calling me Ms. Vasquez," Alaina leaned back in the couch and eyed the man sitting before her. Nothing about this relationship seemed conventional. She was dangerously close to letting someone else in. On the verge of letting someone new in beyond the walls that had been put up over the last two months of her life.

"I'll stop calling you that," John smirked as if he knew something that Alaina didn't. "When you admit that we're on track to a great friendship."

"There is nothing else going on here than you deciding to drop by my room at one in the morning. We are simply business colleagues, nothing more." She paused and added for emphasis, "Mr. Cena."

"Well you're a scrappy one now aren't you?" John asked still smiling. He knew that there was something holding Alaina back from being who she truly was. He didn't care about that though. Underneath there was a woman that he wanted to get to know. A woman he knew would become his life line through all that he would eventually have to deal with.

"Hey, that's me. Just call me Scrappy." And although Alaina tried to hide the smile that was playing at the corners of mouth she couldn't. Around John her wit and defiantly fun nature was back. She was starting to show bits of who she had been before her life fell apart, and it made her feel amazing. She could deny it all that she wanted, but John Cena had managed to make a small worm hole in her tough demeanor.

Alaina smiled a true, genuine smile. The first one that had shown its way through in weeks; and as John looked at the smile form and light up her face he found his breath hitching in his throat.

"Beautiful," he whispered under his breath as he studied the features of the woman before him.


	3. Late Night Ice Breakers

John sat silently for a moment to take in everything about Alaina. When he looked into her eyes he saw years of pain and heart ache stored away waiting for the right time to be poured out. But he knew that it did not define her. He became enthralled by the way her eyes seemed to dance around as she laughed and joked with him. The smile that she gave him any time she found something amusing was worth any trouble that he had to go through to get her to smile.

He saw her relax back against the couch after she had told him to call her Scrappy. And when he saw her tuck her legs underneath her on the couch he knew that he had finally made it past her initial barrier.

"Alright, let's hear it, let's hear the Alaina Vasquez story," John said smiling getting comfortable on the bed. Alaina had forgotten about her work for the night, and John wanted to keep it that way.

"Not much to tell really. I'm twenty five, extremely small, scrappy when the situation calls for it, and I absolutely love pigs."

"Pigs?" John asked. When he had asked for her story he figured that she would tell him about siblings, where she grew up and small bits of information like that. He never imagined that they would start discussing pigs.

"Yes, pigs. I was about ten when I began wanting one as a pet. They are some of the cleanest smartest animals out there. They are very misunderstood animals."

John chuckled at how sweetly Alaina spoke of the animals that he knew to be large, pink, and roll in mud. "Okay, well what about family? Have any family?"

He saw Alaina's expression darken before she smiled once more. "I have tons of family; four sisters and two brothers. I happen to be the oldest, and the only short one."

"Parents? Are they still around?"

"Very much so. You already know I love my mother. She raised all of us on her own. Worked two jobs most of her life to give us what we needed. We were never rich, but we never wanted for anything. She's the best thing in my life."

John watched Alaina as she spoke of her mother. The admiration that she held for her mother lit up her face, and her smile had grown bigger without her realizing it.

"What about your father? Is he still in the picture?"

Alaina gave a sardonic chuckle and shook her head. "He was never in the picture, at least not the way he likes to think he was."

John saw the tears begin to pool in her eyes and decided to quickly change the subject. "Alright now you've got an accent, but you work so hard to hide it that I can't tell where it's from," John spoke quickly, afraid that he had damaged the relaxed atmosphere by accidentally broaching what seemed to be a touchy subject.

"I do not have an accent! Everywhere I go people tell me that. But you people are the ones with the accents. You've got the classic Boston, New England accent going on there, what about that?"

"Hey I know it, and I am willing embrace it. It's who I am. Now where does yours come from?"

Alaina sighed and shook her head once more. People always said that Long Island accents were some of the easiest to spot, and she hated proving them right. "I do not have an accent," she stated once more before looking at John. She laughed at his face which told her that she did, and she should just answer the question. "Long Island," she finally said watching John's face light up with an 'I should have known that' look.

"Of course, you completely sound like a Long Islander. How did I not get that right off the bat?"

"You heard the Spanish accent pop through probably. I've been talking to my mom a lot, and she always insisted that I keep up with the language, so I've been talking a lot of Spanish lately. It always brings out the Latin type accent."

"So is your mom from around here?"

Alaina nodded. "Yeah, it's my grandparents that were born in Puerto Rico, on my mother and fathers side. They moved up here, and then had their kids."

"So you are- "

"Straight up Boricua baby, and I love it."

John laughed and made himself even more comfortable on the bed. He had not seen this woman more than a few times yet there was something so magnetic about her. The way that she spoke with an easy confidence put John at ease. He had spent nearly the last year wondering what to say, and if it would be received properly by Maria. Now as he sat and spoke of nothing particularly important with Alaina, he felt as if he had been freed from a cage he had no knowledge that he was in.

"Hey move your big butt over, I want to lay down, and seeing as how this is my room, I think I have some right to the bed," Alaina said standing up and making her way over to the bed. Although it was a king size John's frame seemed to take up most of it. She was always grateful for being small, and have the ability to get comfortable almost anywhere.

"I'll try, but it's not like I'm a small guy."

"I've met bigger," Alaina said casually watching John shift around until he had provided a bit more space on the bed, and made himself comfortable in the process.

John was about to make a comment when he saw something that he had previously failed to notice. There was a glint of a diamond, and when he looked closer he saw an engagement ring, and a wedding band sitting on her left ring finger. Something became unsettled for a moment making him forget his thoughts, and focus on the jealousy that was creeping inside of his gut.

"So who's the lucky man?" John asked hoping that he was able to pull of the casual air that he was trying so hard to convey.

Alaina lowered herself on the bed next to John and looked at her rings. It was such a habit putting them on, especially when she was going out and wanted to at least slow down the process of a man from hitting on her. A sad smile crept on her face as she stared at them. If she let herself, a thousand memories would come flooding back to her. All of happier times, when she could smile all day and believe that the world was a good place no matter what she had been through before.

But Alaina would not let herself think on those times. She would keep the memories locked away in her heart. Locked away in a place so deep, and dark that they would not be explored again, at least not any time soon she hoped. She had cried herself to sleep for too long, and mourned over the loss of her loving man. Now was not the time to get lost in the past. John was sitting next to her in the present awaiting an answer.

"There is no 'lucky man', just an unlucky me," she chanced a look at John and saw that he was a bit confused. "His name was Joe, Joey when I wanted to annoy him." She paused, sighing, trying to keep a hold on her emotions. She had not said the words that she was about to say to anyone. Somewhere deep down she felt that if she never voiced it one day it just might all turn out to be a nightmare that she could wake up from. But John with his simple curiosity, and understated concern brought out sincerity that others hadn't. "He left me, walked out about two and half months ago. I guess old habits die hard." She shrugged and took off her rings placing them on the bed side table.

"Oh," was all that John could manage as a montage of emotions raced through him. He wondered why anyone would leave Alaina. If he had her to himself he would never let her go. Not unless she honestly wanted to, and even then he would fight to the death to change her mind. He was happy that she was not taken as he had thought; and then felt extremely guilty that he was experiencing any bit of happiness off of the fact that she had been hurt.

"Back on to happier topics though. I don't like being depressed for too long." Alaina playfully pushed lightly against his shoulder and rolled onto her side to face John. She knew that it was dangerous. His blue eyes seemed to bring her to a place that she was not ready for yet. His easy manner, and the way that he would say anything, even if it didn't flatter him made Alaina eager to get to know him. And even though that scared her, she could not stop herself from studying him, and prying ever so gently to get know the real him. "So, what about you? Anyone special waiting for you in your hotel room while you sit here, and try to break the ice with me?"

John shook his head and stared straight at the ceiling. Alaina's large brown eyes seemed to demand that he stare at them. That he get lost in them, and tell her all that she wanted to know. But John couldn't get lost in them, he needed to stay at a distance. Although he had broken the ice, he could not let himself feel what was already in his gut. Alaina was having an effect on him that he could not put his finger on, but it was like nothing he had yet to experience.

"No, there's no one waiting for me. There used to be but-" John trailed off not ready to go into details.

"She left you," Alaina finished his sentence. She recognized the pain that he felt in her own. He had loved her dearly and whoever she was had left him. "I guess that means that we are in the same boat Johnny boy."

"Johnny boy? Where exactly did that come from?" John asked. He hated "Johnny" as a nickname.

Alaina shrugged, her eyes not leaving his face. He had been staring at her all night long, and now he was purposefully avoiding eye contact. She knew something had changed, but she didn't know what.

"It felt like a 'Johnny boy' moment," she said simply causing John to chuckle.

"I hate going by the name Johnny. It makes me feel like I'm that scrawny ten year old again."

"Well we can't have that now can we? Besides, I like the bigger muscular version. More to look at, and enjoy."

Johns eyes shot to hers without actually meaning to; but Alaina had shocked him. An hour ago when he walked into her room she was shy, and modest. Now here she was bold, and was she possibly flirting? He saw that smile cross her face again, and as she winked at him he knew that soon enough he would be in too deep with his feelings for her. No matter how he would want to fight it he would sink further and further. As he watched Alaina's smiled grow bigger and let out a little embarrassed giggle he knew that he would not want to fight it at all if it did happen.

"And there are those eyes," she said quietly locking eyes with John until he turned away.

"Why are you doing that?" Alaina asked lying back down on the bed to stare at the ceiling as well. All night long John had stared at her, pierced through all her emotional armor with his gaze. Now as they layed in the hotel bed, he began to avoid her eyes, and Alaina desperately wanted to know why.

"Does it bother you that Stephanie calls you Al?" John asked Alaina the first thing that had popped into his head, choosing to ignore her question. He was getting used to her company, and he did not want to scare her away by spouting out how gorgeous her eyes were and how he wanted to lose himself in them but knew that he couldn't.

"No not at all. I want to be able to walk into a job without any pre-determined notions, or ideas about how relationships will be formed. I don't want to walk into a place that's dominated by men, and know that there was a running bet to nail the new chick. If that has to be done by men thinking that I'm a man, even for a short period of time, I'm fine with that."

"Can I call you Al?"

Alaina studied John for a moment, finding her self being drawn in further into this so called friendship with John. Any time that he flashed her that amazing smile of his, or winked causing a mischievous glint to appear in his piercing blue eyes she was taken in.

"I don't know, only really good friends get to call me that."

"Are you trying to say that we aren't good friends?" John pouted, and did his best to pretend he was offended.

"I am saying that after a few hours of conversation I'm not sure you have earned the right to call me Al."

"Fair enough, fair enough," John nodded and said nothing more.

Both he and Alaina fell into a comfortable silence thinking over what was on their minds. No words were necessary as they both enjoyed each other's company. The feeling of having someone next to her brought Alaina back to happier times in her life. She always had both her family, and a relationship, and never had a real need to worry about being alone. She was more beautiful than she ever gave herself credit for; and with the brains, and personality to match it was easy for her to snag guys. She knew that she was always able to get attention from men, but she was never cocky about it, only confident in herself.

John shifted slightly causing their arms to touch ever so slightly. The feeling of her skin on his sent shivers all along his body. He liked the feeling and refused to move. _Not unless I'm completely on top of her. _The thought made him laugh a bit as he replayed his conversation with Randy in his head. Randy had just gotten recently engaged and would never make a move, but if the fluttering inside of John's stomach did not stop, he just might.

"What is so funny Johnny boy?"

John sighed and shook his head. Alaina was certain that she would have seen a look of pure annoyance on John's face if she had turned to look at him. "Do you have to keep calling me that?"

"I don't know really. It just felt like a 'Johnny boy moment'."

John laughed, knowing that he would not escape the nickname. Even though he absolutely hated being called Johnny, he did not mind it so much coming from Alaina. She said with such playfulness that he knew she hated it as much as he did, only simply said it to get under his skin a bit.

"So are you going to tell me what you were laughing at? Or do I have to call you Johnny again?"

"No, I will tell you. Just lay off the Johnny thing for a while." He watched Alaina nod her head in agreement. "Okay, I was thinking about a conversation I had with Randy earlier today. He thinks I should get back out there and date. And specifically make a move on the new blood."

"Meaning me?"

"Meaning you, until he thought that you were a man. He'll be thrilled that you're a woman."

Alaina made an indistinctive noise. She wanted to voice her disgust openly, but she did not know the man well enough to do so. She hated opinions being formed against her before the people knew anything about her, and she would not do that to Randy Orton.

"Not for him, more for me," John said after hearing the noise from beside him. He knew the rumors, and gossip that flew around about Randy Orton. Most of it may have been true, but Randy wasn't a bad guy. "Just to get my mind back on women."

"Has it worked?"

John gave a signature smirk and shrugged. "I'll let you know when I find out for sure."

Alaina laughed and nodded. "You do that. So are you really as close to Randy as people like to say?"

"Some days we are, and some days, we're so different all we do is fight with each other. He has his flaws but underneath it all he really is a good guy. You just have to dig real deep to find it."

After a few more minutes of silence passed between the two, John turned to find Alaina with her eyes closed failing miserably to stifle a yawn.

"I really should just book on out of here. I only came here to get a bit more friendly with you, and now look it's three in the morning," John said once he checked his watch. "We both need sleep, we've got an early wake up call tomorrow."

Alaina nodded without opening her eyes. If she looked at him she knew that she would feel even more upset that he was actually leaving her side. There was something becoming extremely comforting about John Cena. And in these early morning hours Alaina did not want to give that up.

Her heart sank as she felt the mattress lift when John stood up and made his way towards the door. Feeling a man by her side again made Alaina feel happy once more, like all of her tears, and lonely nights had been erased. Now John was taking that feeling with him as he walked out the door.

"Hey Johnny," Alaina called as John opened the door.

"What's up?" He asked turning around to see her smirking at him from the bed.

"You can call me Al."

John nodded and smiled causing Alaina's heart to flutter inside of her chest. She was on the rebound, and she knew it; but she dared any woman to not respond to those blue eyes, and that gorgeous smile the way she was now.

"Night Al," John said as he exited the room.

"Night Johnny Boy," Alaina called to his back, knowing that if he heard her he was shaking his head and smirking all at the same time.


	4. The Truth Behind the Tears

Alaina fell into bed after another exhausting day. She had made it through her first week of the Wrestlemania publicity blitz. Every muscle in her body was screaming for relaxation after running around after John for nearly twelve hours. The man was a machine, he never seemed to tire, and if he did, he never showed it in public. Alaina admired him greatly for that. It never mattered if he had to stay an extra hour after signing thousands of autographs and posing for an equally large number of pictures. He never once forgot that his fans were what kept him in the business, and brought him so much of what he wanted. He bled, sweat, and cried all for the men and women that cheered and booed him night after night. He wanted to give back to them a fraction of what they had given to him over the years, and day after day Alaina saw how hard he worked to do simply that.

As she forced herself to sit up so that she could look over the itinerary for the next day, the date seemed to send a forceful punch to the gut of her. She fell back down as she felt all the air in her chest rush out of her. Her prayer, in some backwards way, had indeed been answered. She had become so busy with work and developing a most unconventional friendship with John that for a split moment in time she had forgotten her pain. Now though as she simply stared at the date, every feeling of pain and inadequacy crashed upon her harder than anything she had ever felt before. The feelings had become so heavy upon her that she fell to her knees, clutching her stomach and letting the heaving sobs rack her body over and over.

Although Alaina tried to fight it, there was no use. Her mind carried her away to better times while her heart tried to cry out everything that she had to endure over her life.

_March 23rd, 2002. It was going to be the happiest day of their lives. Alaina and Joe were getting married, and as Alaina waited for her mother to zip up the back of her bridal gown she could not help giggling. Everything was absolutely perfect. Nothing would ruin this happy couple's euphoria. Sure they both new that it was going to be tough to work through their marriage so young; but Alaina knew that she would never want anyone besides him ever again. And from the way that Joe had talked she was sure that he felt exactly the same way. _

"_Stay still for a moment, I have to get this veil on," her mother chided softly. _

_Alaina shrugged and simply giggled a bit more. "Sorry," she apologized. "I just can't help it. I'm so excited."_

"_I know mama, just hold still."_

_Alaina took in a deep breath and steadied herself. There was nothing more for mother and daughter to say together. When Alaina had come home with her engagement ring, her mother sat down with her, and they talked for hours. Alaina had nothing but respect for her mother, and would not go through with the marriage if her mother disapproved. Although her mother was concerned about Alaina settling down so soon, she knew that it was Alaina's character, and how she was destined to be. The maturity and wisdom that Alaina held for someone her age was astounding and her mother knew that she would be fine with being married so young. It was Joe that she worried about; it was Joe she worried who would break her darling daughter's heart. _

"_Mi hija," her mother started looking Alaina straight in the eye. _

"_Mom, I'll be fine. No se preocupe, si?" Her mother smiled at her and nodded. "Don't worry," she assured her mother once more before grabbin her bouquet. _

"_Of course I have to, you're my daughter, and it's my job."_

_Alaina laughed a bit harder than the comment called for, a mix of her nerves and over excitability setting in. _

"_Let's get you down that aisle before your groom stops breathing out there," her mother said to her walking her to the wedding aisle. _

_All that happened next was a blur to both Alaina and Joe. The pastor talked to them, said his peace and made them say some vows. Joe smiled nervously, and apologized for his sweaty palms as Alaina placed his wedding band on his finger. And before either of them had time to process the entire ceremony they were walking down the aisle as man and wife. _

_The joy that both felt was unlike any other feeling that had previously felt, and would not be matched at any other time in their lives. _

Alaina wiped the tears from her eyes, trying to calm down the free flowing tears. She was a strong person, she never cried, not like she was now. She had never given into the feeling of despair that was coming over her. It began to fix itself in every free space that her chest held, seemingly lessening the amount of air that she was able to take in. There was no stopping the flood of emotion that had overcome her. It would be their anniversary, the day that they got married, that they swore their lives to each other. It was going to be the day that she would have told him the news that would have brought them even closer together. Of course that was before it had all gone horribly wrong. All that she thought of now was in the past, gone from her life forever. Still, even though, she knew this, the heavy feeling of loneliness and depression would not lift off of her.

A soft knock at the door brought Alaina back to the present, realizing that if she did not control what her mind was doing to her, she might just lose all of the ground she had gained while she was on the road with John. She wiped her tears away once more and walked over to the door near certain of who was standing on the other side. The thought of John constantly being around her brought a smile to her face. He was hurting just as she was, but they never spoke about it. While they were together all that mattered was that they joked, laughed, and found some semblance of normality in the chaotic mess that their lives had turned into.

Neither of them had to say anything about how they were feeling. It was simply understood between the two of them that if the other were having a bad day a hug and long chat were necessary.

And as John stood outside of Alaina's hotel room listening to her cry, he cursed himself for not suggesting what had been on his mind for the last couple of days. The closer the two of them got, the more John wanted Alaina around. It had come to him a few days earlier that giving each other spare room keys would be a good idea. When they had finished working and began to unwind from the day, it was not unusual to see John and Alaina run back and forth between their two rooms. Without realizing it, John and Alaina had started spending their nights together, not questioning when one of them showed up at two or three in the morning, needing a friendly face and a hug.

Had John only asked Alaina for a spare key so that he could let himself in after he got showered and changed, he could have been holding Alaina, helping her through whatever it was that was making her cry.

"Hey John," although her face was blotchy and tear streaked, Alaina smiled happily and let John in.

"If you would rather be left alone," John started.

"No, not at all," Alaina quickly cut him off. She needed him to be with her. He was the only one in her life that did not pry, or ask a thousand questions that she did not want to answer. He let Alaina tell him in her own time, and her own way. His gentle, unobtrusive nature was something that Alaina was becoming to love, and rely on. "We made plans, and I fully intend on keeping them."

"Cancelling some really bad food and a Will Ferrell movie is not a big deal Al. I really don't want to intrude on your personal space." He couldn't help but feel like he should have left her to deal with her own pain when he saw her swollen, red rimmed eyes. Although she put on a smile, and they had been getting along great for the past week, John felt like he was somehow crossing some sort of barrier between the two of them.

"Johnny Boy, sit down and shut up. I'm perfectly fine."

John laughed as he made himself comfortable on the bed. Although Alaina had told him that she was fine, he knew that there was something that had caused her to break down. As much as he wanted to clear the air and find out what it was, he did not want to push Alaina over the edge. He loved their friendship and was frightened to do anything to jeopardize it.

Alaina sat down next to him and silently ate Chinese food from some place she knew she would never want to go to again. The visible tension in the room was beginning to test her nerves as they both sat and watched Talladega Nights. They quickly discovered that it was something they both had in common, a love for just about anything Will Ferrell. But tonight Alaina could not concentrate on the crazy antics of Ricky Bobby, and catching John watching her out of the corner of her eyes she was positive that John couldn't either.

"Go ahead, ask me," she finally said.

"Ask you what?"

"What it is that you've been dying to ask me," Alaina turned to him and smiled. "I won't bite I swear."  
"It's not my place," John finally said thinking over whether or not he should voice what was on his mind.

"Johnny boy, if you want to know ask. I'll tell you anything you want if you stop staring at me, waiting for me to break down or something."

"I wasn't-"

"John," Alaina looked John straight in the eye letting any pretence of playfulness go. "It's ok, I can talk about it. If you want to know about it then ask me."

John sighed and turned his head, fighting the urge to stroke Alaina's face. "Alright," John said after a lengty silence. He turned his head back to Alaina, shifting himself so that he could give her his full attention, blocking out the t.v. "What happened Al? I stood outside there for about five minutes listening to you cry not knowing if I should knock, or leave you alone. What is going on?"

Alaina sighed, happy that the silence was finally broken. It almost seemed to become an unwritten rule, that neither discuss their heartbreaks. But Alaina was tired of keeping it to herself. She wanted someone to talk to; she needed someone to know just how fully she had loved the man that walked out, and how devastated she had truly been.

"It would be our anniversary tomorrow, it would officially mark our fifth year married. With us being so busy this past week it just crept up on me."

"So why'd you break down because of that?" John asked with an edge to his voice that he hadn't quite meant to be there. "I'm sorry," he said quickly looking at the slight bit of shock that appeared on Alaina's face. "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant- " John trailed off, not completely sure of what he actually did mean.

"He was my world," Alaina said quietly, suddenly becoming very interested in her hands, and the bed sheets. "I gave him everything I had, and then some. Then one day he just tells me that we aren't working out anymore. I knew we were having problems, but I wanted it all to work. I thought there was still something to fight for. But he just walked out, didn't even give me a chance to say anything. I loved him more than I ever knew I could, and I still do. Each day I wake up and I think that it's all a bad dream, like I'll wake up from the nightmare that is becoming my life. The thought of our anniversary just reminded me that I'm not going to go home and see him there, or feel him next to me at night. It's been nearly three months since he told me things were over between us, and tonight was the first time that I cried over it."

As John watched an appearance of something he had not seen in Alaina, _defeat_, he suddenly understood what had happened earlier that night. She had done what he had yet to do. Alaina had let all the hurt, confusion, and loneliness set in. She had fought valiantly for three months to keep up her happy act while she was slowly being torn apart inside. John was amazed that she had kept on for so long before breaking down. John barely lasted a week before he went to his hotel room one night and cried for a good ten minutes before stepping in the shower to calm down. He still had not come to terms with everything that he was feeling, but he had cried. John now knew how fiercely Alaina loved, how passionate she was about anything she dedicated herself to. And before he fully knew what he was doing he had Alaina wrapped in his arms as she shed a few more silent tears.

"I am so sorry Al," John finally spoke in little more than a whisper. He had held Alaina without a single utterance for what felt like an eternity. Now the small whisper that came from his throat seemed to crack the delicate balance of comfort and silence that had come over both of them.

Alaina pushed back from John wiping her eyes and looking at his shirt. "I'm the one that should apologize," Alaina tugged at John's shirt where her eye makeup had smeared on him. "I ruined your shirt."

John looked down and let out a small chuckle, afraid to laugh like he truly wanted to. Here was a woman who was holding so much hurt inside, and she was apologizing to him for crying on his shoulder. John was only more than happy to be the one she went to, and would not mind if it were a four hundred dollar designer shirt she ruined. If it meant that she crept into his arms, vulnerable and hurting, and left them stronger and happy, nothing mattered to him.

"You're lucky that it's a free promo shirt, that's all I have to say," he said trying his best to keep on a straight face.

"I'll get you another one, I promise. Just don't hurt me," Alaina answered going along with his little act.

"I think I'm going to need more than that. Maybe you buy the dinner for the week."

"Oh I don't think so Johnny boy," Alaina laughed and shook her head. "Maybe if it were a shirt that you actually paid some sort of money for, but that crap was free."

John allowed himself to laugh fully this time and shook his head. "You, Ms. Vasquez are a complete mystery. How you go from crying one second to laughing the next is beyond me."

"I know, I know, and that's how I like it," she smiled and stood up from the bed.

"Where are you going?" John asked before he could actually stop himself. He was thoroughly enjoying the feeling of Alaina in his arms leaning into him. He easily dwarfed her tiny body, and his massive arms could literally make her disappear from sight when he wrapped them around her. John never truly thought that he would ever be with someone as small as she was, but he was beginning to like the feeling of her extremely small body next to his.

"Well, Mr. Nosy, the movie is over so I'm going to turn it off. Then after I go do that, I'm going to go shower. Is that all okay with you?"

John pretended to think it over for a few moments, allowing himself to have pleasant thoughts of joining Alaina in the shower. He was beginning to miss a woman's touch and he was sure that Alaina was missing a man's touch. He imagined giving her all that she needed, as well as getting all that he needed as well.

"It's fine with me," John checked his watch after he yawned and stretched out on the bed. "I should get going. I need some sleep ya' know."

"I'm not kicking you out Johnny boy. If you want to hang around for a bit longer, you can."

"I'll think about it," John said, watching Alaina disappear into the bathroom starting a shower.

The truth was John was too tired to move. His body was hurting from the match that he had that night, and the publicity blitz was beginning to tire him as well. Before Alaina had even stepped into the shower John had closed his eyes and fell asleep.

When Alaina came out from the shower she smiled at the sight that greeted her. John, who always wore a hat, fell asleep half sitting up, half lying down. His hat had slid down his face in his quest for a comfortable position. She was just happy that he had taken his sneakers off when he had first walked in.

Alaina tugged on John's legs a bit to get him to lie down, knowing it would be futile to try and wake him up. She had only been in the shower for about fifteen minutes, and John was already snoring. Crawling into bed next to him, Alaina fought herself to not enjoy the feeling of a large body next to her, or cuddle up next to him. John was not her soon to be ex-husband. He was not the man that she was desperately hoping would be in her bed once more. But as she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep she couldn't help but let a small smile cross her face, finally falling in a deep peaceful sleep; something that had eluded her since her life had turned upside down.


	5. There's A Lot You Don't Know

Alaina always loved the early morning hours. To wake up just as the sun was streaking the sky and feel the possibility of life. To know that in such a moment there was nothing other than hope and endless potential. Life had not wronged her, love had not ruined her, and her heart was still whole. It was the calm quiet before it all fell down around her. Whether or not the moment lasted for an hour or a minute, Alaina loved having that one simple moment where her heart had wings and was not afraid to feel.

Waking up wrapped around John brought about an elated feeling that Alaina was no longer sure she could even feel. For the first time in months she was not alone all night. The pain and loneliness had been pushed aside for a night; leaving only a feeling of contentment in its stead. The day would be hard to get through. Alaina was not fool enough to think otherwise. But feeling John's large arm across her waist made it a bit more bearable.

Sliding out from John's arm Alaina made her way to the bathroom. It would be the one full free day she got until she was back at home. Enjoying the knowledge that she didn't have to rush off to an appearance or signing, Alaina left John to sleep while she made her way to the bathroom fully intending to take her time getting dressed for the day instead of the mad dash she had been getting used.

John had been on the road for too long. Now he was beginning to forget that he had traveled that day and checked into a new hotel room. At least that was how he felt as he slowly opened his eyes not fully remembering where he was. The one thing that he knew for sure was that he was not in his own hotel room. He sat up slowly looking around trying to remember where he was. And as he heard a soft, sweet sound coming from the bathroom he knew where he was. He had fallen asleep as soon as Alaina had gone into the bathroom. He smiled to himself and shook his head. She trusted him enough to climb into bed next to him and fall asleep? After the night she had why didn't she just wake him up and send him off to his own room? John did not have any of the answers to his many questions, and he didn't need them. He had just slept through an entire night without waking up looking for Maria. The only thing he regretted was not waking up early enough to enjoy the feeling of having Alaina sleeping right next to him. He sighed and leaned against the headboard of the bed finally realizing what the noise from the bathroom was. Alaina was singing.

She had never told John that she sung. Then again there was still so much that the two did not know about each other. John sometimes had a hard time remembering that they had only spent a week together. And although the two friends knew quite a bit about each other there was much more left to learn. The more that John stayed around Alaina the more he wanted to learn. He wanted to know everything about the woman that was quickly becoming one of his most trusted confidents. As her voice began to become clearer John let himself become lost in her voice. There would always be time for twenty questions. For now John would let himself enjoy the raw emotion and stories that Alaina was telling.

John found himself walking over to the bathroom to listen to Alaina sing song after song. When he found the bathroom door open he simply leaned against the frame and continued to listen. He had no desire to interrupt or compliment her. He only wanted her voice to fill his ears and calm his aching soul. He found something soothing about Alaina's voice as she sang, letting her pain, hope, and faith pour out of her with every word she sung.

John found it so hard to believe that if anyone had Alaina's love they would so easily give it up that before he realized what he was doing he had asked Alaina the one question he had told himself he would never ask.

"Why did he leave you Al?"

Alaina jumped and took out her earphones. Normally in the morning she would simply turn on a stereo, or blast music through her laptop. But with John still in bed sleeping she did not want to disturb the one day he would get to sleep in. So she grabbed her iPod and earphones and went to the bathroom to get ready.

"Johnny Boy, I didn't realize you were awake. Sorry if I woke you. I was trying not to be loud sometimes I just get lost in the music." Alaina smiled at him and tried to derail him from his line of questioning. The full truth behind everything was too painful to talk about. It was hard enough for her to get up in the morning and live her life. To ask Alaina to talk about the worst moment of her life, on a day when she wanted to forget about the man who broke her heart, was asking for Alaina to turn into a blubbering mess. "How did you sleep?"

"So well that I forgot where I was when I woke up. You never told me that you sung," John offered a warm smile back. He knew that he shouldn't have asked the question, but at that moment he could not help it.

"Nah, I don't sing, just go along with the songs."

John shook his head and laughed. "Al, you do a lot more than that. I spent the last half hour listening to you. It was mesmerizing," he said seriously as he watched the blush creep into her cheeks.

"Will you come with me somewhere today?" Alaina asked suddenly after they fell into a comfortable silence.

"Where?" John asked.

"It's somewhere very special to me. I want to take you there. I want to tell you the whole truth."

"I'll go anywhere you want me to go Al," John said seriously. It was hard to deny the woman when she was showing a rare moment of vulnerability.

"Well then go get dressed Johnny Boy, we don't have all day," Alaina smiled and walked past him to find her own clothes.

Alaina was glad that they happened to be in New Jersey. Close enough to carry out what was becoming her yearly ritual. Although she had decided to tell John what had happened with her marriage, she would not tell him that she had begged, pleaded, and rearranged his entire schedule so that she could have the day off. It would only be a two hour drive to where she wanted to go. After that if she decided to see her family she would talk to John about it then. For now she had one purpose. To talk to the most important person in her life that she had never gotten a chance to know.

"I'm guessing that you're driving," John said as they walked out into the parking lot.

"I always drive Johnny, I insist on it."

John laughed and followed Alaina. He should have known that. A woman like Alaina did not lightly relinquish control. Not even with the simplest tasks such as driving.

The two fell into a comfortable silence as they drove. They didn't need to say anything to each other. As was becoming the way with their friendship both John and Alaina drew strength from the simple fact that they were spending time together.

"You aren't taking me home to meet your family or anything are you?" John asked laughingly seeing that they were headed towards Long Island.

"No, no need to worry about that. At least not now Johnny Boy."

"Hey, I can play the decent respectable man," John said pretending to be offended.

"Without cursing every few words?" Alaina asked smirking as she saw John's face fall a bit.

"Haven't tried it, but I'm sure I'd be able to manage."

Alaina shook her head. "No, I'm taking you somewhere more meaningful, at least to me it is. My family has nothing to do with this."

"So- uh- where'd you learn to sing like you do?" John asked trying to lighten the suddenly palpable tension in the car.

"Just something that I can do. We all grew up with music all around. My mom is an amazing singer and I guess I got a little bit of it."

"More than a little Al. Why didn't you ever try to do it for a living?"

Alaina laughed and shook her head. "No way. I may like to sing to get a hold on however I'm feeling at the time but I will never do it in public. I will never get over stage fright. The idea of people hearing me is just too much for me."

"Too bad," John said with a bit of a chuckle. "I think people would like to hear you."

"I do want them to hear me, just in a different way." Alaina looked over at John and gave a heartfelt smile. "I write. I love it; it's what I feel like I was born to do. To be able to reach people with your words. If I could make a difference in one person's life with my work I would be so amazed and honored. I don't need to sing to reach people. I just need a pen and paper."

"I like this side of you," John said smiling at her and studying her features. Something seemed alive inside of her when she began to talk about writing. There was a fire ignited deep inside of her and it came out in her eyes. It was something that John liked to see in her. "This passionate, fiery, take on the world's problems attitude. It suits you. You'll have to let me read your stuff some time. After I get you to sing."

Alaina smiled and stayed quiet. There was no more need for small talk. They were comfortable enough with each other that they did not need to speak every moment they were together. Instead they let whatever song happened to be playing on the radio to fill the silence.

Alaina looked over at John as she slowed down and pulled into a parking lot. She smiled at him not wanting to disturb his rest. He looked so peaceful with his head leaned back against the seat, his eyes and hands folded in his lap. She turned the car off and just sat in the lot looking between John and the monument that was in front of them.

"So are we there yet?" John asked after a few minutes of silence.

Alaina nodded. "We're here," she said softly. She wanted to be here, it was where she always went when things went wrong in her life. It was peaceful and beautiful, and always reminded her of happier times. Things had never been this bad for her though. As all the good memories, times of when she was happy with "her Joey" as she always called him to friends and family, she wasn't sure if she could do what she had planned on doing.

"Al?" John looked over at Alaina hearing something very different in her voice. He had talked to her about a lot of things and never once heard the soft, fragile tone that she had just used. As John watched a tear fall down her cheek he knew that something was wrong. "Al, what's wrong? Al, honey talk to me."

Alaina got out of the car and walked over to lean on the hood. John was not sure if she honestly wanted company, but he could not leave her alone when he knew she was out there crying.

"We can go- "John started. He stopped talking suddenly when he heard her soft voice once more.

"It all happened here," She said looking straight ahead. "We met up here. I was eighteen, and he was the most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen." A trace of a smile crossed her lips as she spoke, letting the tears fall slowly from her eyes. "My friend wanted me to go with her while she met up with her new boyfriend and his friend. It was never meant to be a double date, but it ended up that way. He," Alaina sniffed and wiped her eyes. "He- uh- he asked me to marry him right up there," she pointed to a bench right above them. "He told me that he wanted to spend his life with me. That there was never going to be another person for him. I was only twenty but I knew what I wanted out of life, and I wanted him. No one could tell me I was too young. He was the love of my life. He would always be the love of my life. It didn't matter how many men I met after that. He would be my one and only." She stopped talking as the sobs that had been mounting began to take her over. She dropped her head and wrapped her arms around herself.

"Al, you don't have to tell me about all of this. It's only upsetting you. I asked that question without thinking. I don't need an answer," John said sincerely. He wanted to wrap his arms around her once more. He knew that she needed some comfort, but seeing her this upset he was not sure how she would take it.

Alaina shook her head and wiped her eyes. "No, I need to tell someone. I can't keep locking it away like it didn't happen. There are still so many things that no one knows."

John nodded and moved just a bit closer. If he couldn't hold her he could at least let her know that he was there, and listening to her every word.

"He would always say how much he loved this place. He loved the fact that it's a memorial for fallen troops. When the sun goes down you can see so much of the island from here. It's a great view. He loved it all, just as much as I did. This, this was our spot. This was where we would go if we were fighting and needed to remember just how much we loved each other. This was where I told him I was having a baby."

John looked over at Alaina as his heart sank. His heart broke before he could even hear the rest of the story. She never mentioned a child which only meant one thing.

"He was so excited. Being four years older than me, he was ready for a baby. No matter how short his temper, or how stubborn and immature he could be, he would make a great father I always knew that."

"Al, you don't have to tell me all of this."

"John, I want to. I need to," she looked at him, pleading with him to just listen to her story. She waited until she saw him nod his head for her to continue before she said another more. "I had a dizzy spell on my way to work about two weeks later. I fell down the stairs and lost- I- I lost the most important person in my life that I will never know."

John could no longer resist the urge to hold Alaina as he heard her voice crack and audible sobs come from her. In one swift move he stood in front of her and pulled her close. His heart broke over and over for her as he felt her body wrench beneath her as waves of sobs broke over her. He had been through his fair share of heart breaks but nothing compared to anything that Alaina was telling him had happened to her.

"I'm sorry Al. When did that happen?"

Alaina lifted her head from John's shirt and wiped her eyes. "Almost a year ago. I told him on our anniversary and two weeks later- "Alaina's voice trailed off and she stared at John for a few moments. She was surprised that he looked so worried, and hurt for her. There was genuine concern and regret that pooled in his eyes as she saw tears shining in them.

"We- uh- just didn't make it after that. We tried but- "

"Why not? I'm sorry," John apologized quickly. "I need to start watching my mouth."

"No, not at all. It's a valid question. The simple answer would be we just couldn't get past it. The honest truth is that I sunk into a big depression after that. I was the reason that I lost the baby. I hadn't eaten that morning. I knew that I was feeling a bit light headed, and I thought it could wait until I got to work. I felt myself about to fall, and I tried to make it down the stairs; but in my hurry I just made the fall worse. He tried so hard to snap me out of it and he just couldn't. There was no convincing me that I wasn't a murderer. In my mind I was, and I still am. After a while he gave up on me, and I gave up on being happy. He couldn't sit around with me anymore. He wanted to move on with his life, so he did." Alaina shrugged. "It still hurts, a lot. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of what my baby would have been like, or looked like."

"Does anyone else know this?" John knew that it seemed like a silly question. If she was telling him she had to have told her family. He had heard a lot about them. According to Alaina they were all very close and leaned on each other for everything. They had to know about her miscarriage.

"No, just Joe," Alaina said looking up at the monument before them. "This is where I would have taken him to tell him all about life. In my mind the baby would have been a boy. A wonderful boy who would turn into the best of men."

"Alaina," John looked at her seriously, waiting for their eyes to meet. "Why doesn't anyone else know?"

"I couldn't say it out loud. I was banged up in the hospital from the fall for a day and a half. Everyone just assumed that was why I was there. I couldn't bear to tell them the truth."

"Why me? Of all the people you chose a loud mouth, outspoken, immature- "

"I chose a friend," Alaina said interrupting him. "I chose someone who would listen quietly and wrap me in his arms without any questions. I chose a good man, and a good friend."

John stayed silent, mostly from shock. It was not the first time someone told him that he was a good person. It was not the words that took him by surprise; it was the person saying them. He had not expected Alaina to trust him as she was now or feel so deeply for him. He smiled and nodded. It was true. Alaina and John were friends. They were two people that understood each other when everyone else wanted them to be two people they were tired of being.

"Thank you," he finally said as he sat next to her on the hood once more. His arm still wrapped around her.

"For what?"

"Saying that about me. I'm glad you feel that way."

"No Johnny Boy, thank you. You've done more for me this past week than you'll know. I haven't felt so at ease in a while."

"I feel exactly the same way." John pulled Alaina a little tighter and smiled as she leaned her head against his shoulder. She may have felt that they were just friends, but John was falling hard, and fast for the small woman sitting beside him. "So if you don't mind me asking, where are we?"

Alaina laughed and shook her head. "You really know how to ruin a moment Johnny Boy."


	6. Lets Give Them Something to Talk About

Randy Orton watched as his friend entered into the locker room. For the last week or so there had been something different about John Cena. This was no longer the man that sat in the corner trying to keep down all the emotions that he had been bottling up inside. He was happy, laughing, joking, and smiling like he hadn't done in weeks. And although Randy was pleased to see the change in his good friend, it did not stop him from wondering what it was all about.

"Have you started playing the game again?" Randy asked once John had seated himself next to Randy. "Something about you has been different lately. Especially today. You seem- "

"Happy?" John finished off Randy's sentence and chuckled a bit. "I am happy man. I'm real happy."

"So you're back in it then. You've been scoring a lot then?"

"Orton not everything in life is about sex," at the incredulous look that Randy was giving John, John continued. "Most things in our lives have to do with sex, but not everything. And this is one of those times."

Randy sat silent for a few minutes trying to figure out what had brought about the change in John. He smiled slowly as a thought came to him. "You're dating that new agent. You got together with her and didn't tell me. Man how could you do something like that to me?"

John shook his head. "I am not dating her. We've just been hanging out a little bit."

"A little bit? Man let me ask you this. When was the last time that you hung out with the guys after a show?" He paused for a moment to let John think. "Exactly. It's been a while. No one wants to say anything because you seem to be doing a lot better. And we're all happy about that. We all know that this life can suck. Sometimes we just need a special something, or someone to pick us back up. Now what do you call it when you spend every night with her?"

"We are just friends. She's going through a lot right now. Just fresh out of her marriage breaking up and a lot of other stuff too. I'm not about to make a move on her."

"Is she hott?"

"What?"

Randy rolled his eyes and sighed. "I know how you are John. Is she hott?"

"I haven't thought about it. I mean she's cute I guess. I don't know I've never looked at her like that. I just know that she's incredibly small. I'm nearly three times her size and I'm not the biggest guy around here. But she's never been intimidated, not once. She's tough, and smart too. Unlike any other woman I've been around in a long time."

Randy laughed and shook his head once more. If John could not see how badly he had it for this woman then Randy would have definite proof that John was slightly retarded.

"John I uh- I hate to break it to you, but you've got it bad."

Randy kept his signature smirk on as John leveled him with his gaze. John had always felt it deep down, but having someone say it to him was not something that he was prepared for. And he was not about to let Randy know just how right he really was.

"You've taken one too many chair shots to the head there buddy. I don't know what you mean, or where you got that. Al and I are just friends, and that is all that we are going to be."

"Be careful John." Randy's stare at John was filled with concern. "I've seen you go down this path before, and I've seen you get hurt. The girl is on the rebound. Bad things tend to happen when you go that route man."

"Randy I am not dating her, and you don't know her. She wouldn't do anything to hurt me, she's not like that."

"Hey, I'm not trying to start anything," Randy said quietly as he held up his hands in defense. "Just want you to think about what you're doing, be careful man."

John nodded and stayed quiet. He was never one to really jump at his friends. He had a bad temper, he knew that, and constantly kept an eye out for it. But simple things like that had never gotten to him. Randy laid a hand on his shoulder and waited till John met his eyes.

"If you're happy then I'm happy for you. I've gotta get going."

John smiled and patted Randy's hand. "I'll see you out there later tonight." With a simple nod Randy walked out and John went back to getting ready for the nights show.

There were never any long apologies or sentimental moments between the two. There were handshakes, nods, and simple ordinary sayings that stopped whatever disagreement the two had, no matter how large or small.

This time though Randy would not let it go that easily. He had to meet this woman, at least once. He had to explain to her how badly his friend had been hurt. He had to tell her that no matter how much John Cena thought he hid his pain, everyone knew his heart had been broken. He needed to make sure that it wouldn't happen to his friend again.

Alaina sang to herself as she sifted through the last of her work for the night. How these people managed more than one superstar was beyond her. Being on the road was fine for her, but John's schedule was so hectic that she barely had time to think and breathe for any interval longer than a minute. So she took the rare quiet time, popped in her headphones and was determined to get her paperwork in order. It wasn't until she felt a soft tap on the shoulder that she snapped out of her own little world, remembering that she was still in the arena.

"Alaina?" A deep voice asked from behind her.

Alaina turned, already knowing who was standing beside her and thoroughly confused as to why he had any need to see her.

"That would be me," she said turning to give Randy Orton a small smile. "Is there anything I can help you with Mr. Orton?"

Randy smiled and sat down next to her. When John had told Randy of Alaina he told him that she was all business. And as she smiled politely and said all of the right things professionally Randy knew that John wasn't kidding.

"Please you can call me Randy. I know that I don't have any business matters with you, but I was hoping that I could discuss something a little more personal."

"Alright, what would that be?"

"John Cena," Randy was never one to beat around the bush. This time was no exception. He came to find out what was going on between the two, and to get a read on the woman. That was exactly what he was going to do.

Alaina gave a warm smile and nodded her head. "Sure. I don't know what there is to talk about but go right ahead."

"He's told me a lot about you. He seems to really hit it off with you." Randy watched as Alaina's smile got bigger. Whatever John was feeling was somehow reciprocated with Alaina. Randy smiled and let himself relax a little bit. Maybe, for once, this woman was all that John made her out to be. "How long have you known each other?"

"Oh not long at all. We first met almost a month ago. It was real quick and we talked for a bit before we went about our business. Then after that I came here and we've been hanging out. Why? Did I take your friend away? Is something wrong with him?"

Randy shook his head. "No, not at all. I was just wondering. I mean the two of you seem close."

"I don't know if close is the word but we have a lot of fun together. We're learning a lot about each other. I like what we have."

"I don't want him hurt," Randy said suddenly. "I know he never talks about it, and he won't show it but he just got his heart broken. Maria meant a lot to him, and it killed him that things didn't work out."

"I don't see how- "

Randy held up his hand. He was never one for patience or being interrupted. "That has nothing to do with you. But this thing between you and him is all you. I care for John, he's like a brother to me. I know that you have the best of intentions, and that I don't know you. I just want you to understand that John is really vulnerable right now even if he doesn't show it. He's just gotten out of a serious relationship and he doesn't need another woman coming in and screwing around with him. I am not saying that you will I just mean that he can't handle it at this moment. Just think carefully about what you are doing with him. He's happy again and I thank you for that because I couldn't do it by myself. But if you aren't around him for the reasons that he thinks you are it would be best if you just left him alone."

Alaina nodded trying to hide her confusion. What was Randy trying to tell her? _Does he want me to keep hanging around John or make myself scarce? _"I'm not trying to do anything to hurt him Mr. Orton. I can assure you of that."

"Please call me Randy. I don't want to offend you I just- "

"I understand. You care for your friend and don't want to see him hurt. You thought that you were doing the right thing by coming in here and trying to give me some form of lecture on how to treat him. But let me make this clear so I don't have to say this again. I am not one for playing any games, nor will I ever be. John is a big boy and can handle himself, and it is highly offensive to come in here and assume that I have alterior motives when you know nothing about me. I suggest next time that if you want to come and have a heart to heart with someone, you know their character before you approach them. I have to get back to my work now, and I think you have to do the same as well. Good night Mr. Orton." Alaina turned her back on him putting her headphones back in furious at what had just happened. Not many things got her angrier than someone implying that she was playing games with people.

Randy sighed and walked out of the catering area where he had found Alaina. He had not planned what he was going to say to her but he began to wish that he had. He wanted to protect his friend, not upset a perfectly innocent bystander. He knew nothing about Alaina, he just wanted a warning issued to tread carefully around John. Now though as he thought over his words, he wasn't sure what she took away from it. One thing he did know for sure was that he had no intention of telling John anything about the discussion with Alaina and he was hoping that she felt the same way too.

Alaina tried desperately to swallow the tears of frustration and hurt that were stinging the back of her eyes. Back in her office people knew her. They knew what she was like, and the things that she would never do. They knew that she was sweet and genuine, and was never one to lead someone on in any way. Back in her office she was safe from any form of gossip or assumptions. This however was not the office. Here she was unknown. No one knew what to think of the quiet woman that had agreed to take over for a few weeks. No one knew the pain that Alaina had to deal with daily nor did they care to. They all had their own lives. Here on the road she was simply another face, another person to talk about, another person that could possibly ruin the delicate balance that hung backstage between superstars and backstage crew.

"You look a bit lost," Alaina jumped at the voice and looked up to see her boss Josephine smiling sweetly at her. "I thought maybe you could use a friend."

Alaina took out her headphones and nodded. "You are certainly right about that."

"I heard what Randy said to you."

Alaina sighed and dropped her head. "I don't know what that was about. One minute he's saying that I make John happy and the next he's warning me to leave John alone. Saying something about not playing games with John's feelings. Joe," Alaina looked up staring straight into Josephine's eyes needing someone to believe her and understand her at that moment. "I don't do that. I would never do that. I like John, I really like him. He's a great person and we have so much fun together. Why did he say that to me?"

Josephine sighed and looked at Alaina. She knew the woman sitting across from her. She also knew that the problem was that no one else on the road really knew her. The calm, quiet demeanor that Alaina carried often had people believe that Alaina was stuck up, or uninterested in other people.

"Want to know what I think about it?" Josephine finally asked. She was never one to give advice, especially unwarranted. The nod from Alaina gave her what she needed to go on. "Stay away from it. I know that you have a good time with John and the two of you are friends. But, it'll be best if you keep out of it. You are here to do a job, not win the affection of everyone backstage. Be friendly, and be yourself, just keep away from things that are going to be problematic. My job is to keep friction, and mix ups to a minimum. The best thing you could possibly do is back away from the situation."

"You mean—not see John anymore," Alaina said slowly trying to keep her voice and emotions even and calm.

"I mean maybe back away a bit. Don't give anyone anything to talk about or any reason to judge you. Let John have his space, and his friends. You can be part of his life without giving people something to talk about."

Alaina sighed and nodded her head. She wasn't sure if her old friend was right or not, but it was sound advice. And some that Alaina was willing to follow.

"Joe, mind if I get a ride back to the hotel with you?"

"Sure, but I'm getting ready to leave now. If you want to head out with me now then I'd be glad to take you on back."

"I'm more than ready to get out of here. Might be a good change of pace for me not having John around me tonight. I could use a little time alone."

"I'm sure you could. Let's get out of here. I'm ready for a little bit of sleep."

John had not really thought about what would happen when Alaina would leave to head back to her home and job. All he knew was that he was happier than he had been in a while and Alaina was become someone that he needed to have around. He had yet to give in to the idea that she would only be around for a few weeks and nothing more. But as he wandered the arena looking for her, he began to realize that he would not have her calming presence around him forever. It still made no sense that Alaina wouldn't be backstage somewhere. She had come with John, why wouldn't she leave with him?

"Hey Randy," John called as he walked into the locker room. Randy was the only person that John could think of that might know where Alaina had gone to.

"What's up man?" Randy walked out still drying his hair from the shower he had just taken.

"Have you seen Alaina at all? She drove here with me and now I can't find her."

"No, I haven't. Why would you ask me I don't know the girl?"

"I saw you talking to her a bit earlier. I thought maybe you saw her leave afterwards." John shrugged and grabbed his bags. "I don't want to leave unless I know that she's back at the hotel or has a ride."

Randy finished dressing and getting his things together while watching John try to figure out the best solution to his problem. "Hey, I'm sure she got tired and just caught a ride back earlier. No use sticking around when you don't have to right?"

John nodded his head slowly. He knew that Randy wasn't all that thrilled about Alaina but he was, and that was all that mattered to him. He knew how Alaina was. She would not just leave without telling him. Not if something had happened to her. Not if someone had really upset her. John eyed Randy trying to tell if Randy would be the reason for Alaina's sudden change. But nothing tonight was giving his best friend away.

"I'll just check on her when I get back to the hotel. I wanna make sure that everything is alright. She wouldn't leave without telling me for no reason. I mean we came together, she would know that I was looking for her."

"Why don't we go out tonight?" Randy asked. He was tired of hearing about Alaina. Especially when he was not sure if John was in for another heart break. Randy needed to look out for his best friend. And he was going to do it the only way that he knew how. "We haven't been out in a long time. We could hit a club and grab some drinks. Come on man for old time sakes."

"Anyone else coming along? I am not in the mood to be set up with some bimbo that you met while signing autographs."

Randy held up his hand and flashed a smile. "Promise John the only thing I have in mind is getting you back out there and ready to date."

John sighed and stood up. "I don't want to date man. I told you that already. But," He went on before Randy had any time to voice his objections. "I'll go out to chill. Just to chill out, nothing more Orton."

"Nothing more John," Randy smiled and followed John out. John was going to go out alright, and he was going to be his old self in no time.


	7. Just a Friendly Night Out

As John stepped off the elevator he suddenly found himself becoming nervous. He had showered, changed, and sat around his room trying to think of a reason why Alaina had gone to the hotel without telling John. As hard as John tried he could not come up with a valid reason. There was no explanation for Alaina leaving the arena without telling him. Sure they had only been around each other for a couple of weeks, and no, they did not have to answer to each other. Even still they had acted as if they had been together for years and they told each other exactly where they were going if they weren't going there together. He had never before been nervous about talking Alaina and he did not like the way it felt. The pounding of his heart, or the fact that his palms were becoming sweaty as he waited until her hotel room door was open.

What he was expecting when the door opened was _his _Alaina. The Alaina that wore some sweat pants and a simple tank top and sweater when outside of work. She always tended to be cold and it always puzzled him. John was expecting the sweet simple Alaina with her hair thrown back haphazardly barely caring about her appearance. Her and John were friends and there was never a real need to impress him. What John hadn't expected when the door opened was to find Alaina done up and looking like she was ready to have a good night out on the town.

"John , hey I wasn't expecting you," she smiled up into his face and stepped aside to let him in.

Her smile nearly floored John. He had always loved her smile but there was something in her in that moment, that night, that would forever change John's perception of Alaina. He smiled back noticing that instead of calming down he was somehow becoming more nervous. "I uh- I just wanted to check in on you. I wanted to make sure that everything was alright with you."

"Everything is fine with me why would you ask?"

"You left the arena without waiting for me, or telling me you were leaving early. I just wanted to make sure that nothing happened to you."

"Oh I did do that didn't I? I am so sorry for making you worry about me like that. I'm perfectly fine. I just thought I'd give you some space. A little time away from me," Alaina tried to manage a smile to calm John's fears. Knowing that he was worried, and that he wouldn't like her response she only managed a small smile that played at the corner of her lips.

"Why would I want that? You know I love hanging out with you." John's hurt and confusion showed clearly on his face. Alaina could tell that he was trying to hide it, just like he always did. She had never asked him about his break up, but she could always see the hint of sadness that lied in his eyes. "We've been real tight these last two weeks why is that changing now?"

"We've had a great time Johnny boy. I love being around you I really do. I just think maybe it's time that we get back to our respective lives. I mean who are we fooling here? Once my time on the road is up we won't see each other anymore right?"

John was honestly stunned by Alaina's words. Where was the woman that had told him everything on her mind? This was not the Alaina that he was getting to know so well. And if she knew anything about John then she should know that although he hadn't thought much about how things would go once she was off the road; he most certainly did know that she would always be a large part of her life. At least he wanted her to be. But the cold calculated words that were coming from her mouth were something foreign to John. Alaina was warm, and caring, always putting herself out there to love and help people.

"Al, I don't know where all this is coming from. This isn't you."

"John you barely know me."

"I know you enough to know that what you are saying is not like you. Life changes all the time and we have to go with it. I don't know what will happen when you go back home. Frankly I don't care. Right now I am thinking about this moment, what we have before us. How can you possibly think that I would just forget you?"

Alaina sighed and walked into the bathroom to finish getting ready to go out. She couldn't stand there in front of John and pretend any longer. She needed him as much as he seemed to need her. True he had never really said the words, but what he was saying to her now was as close as an admission as he had come to.

"Al, this is not over," John stopped the bathroom door from closing with his hand. Something had happened to his sweet Alaina, and he needed to know what it was before he lost her for good. "You need to tell me what's up."

"Nothing is up Johnny boy. I just think maybe we need a little time apart."

"Since when? And why would we need time apart? We're friends Al, you can talk to me. It's what I've been here for. How can you ever expect to move on with life if you push everyone away? You can't just close the world out and expect that everything will get better one day. Denial doesn't work!"

Alaina studied John's face in the mirror. No words had managed to strike so close to the truth of her life. She wasn't shutting John out because of her life; she was shutting him out because of his. His world was exclusive and judgmental. She was barely hanging on to her sanity as it was. There was no place for her in his world, even if she could have handled it. But that did not change the fact that she had indeed shut everyone else out. John was the first one that she had let in since her life had crumpled. If Alaina kept everyone out that meant that she didn't have to feel. And if she didn't have to feel then she wouldn't have to come to terms with the truth of her life.

"It's the best way that I know how John," she said quietly staring him dead in the eye.

John stood quiet for a few minutes watching her get ready. If something had happened to severely upset her then she would have shown it the minute he walked in the door. Something else had happened to her. Alaina was different towards John for a reason, but it had nothing to do with her life.

John reached out and gently touched Alaina's shoulder. "Tell me what happened Al."

John had spoken so softly that Alaina had almost missed what he had said. She looked up in the mirror and saw the concern written all over John's face. She smiled at him and touched his hand. She had never wanted to keep something from someone so much before. It was a well known fact that John and Randy were very close. There was nothing that could happen that would make Alaina come between their friendship.

"Don't worry your pretty little head over it Johnny boy. We each have lives to lead on our own and I suggest that we lead them." She smiled once more trying to get John to loosen up a bit.

John shrugged and nodded. "Sure if that's the way you want things Alaina."

Alaina fought hard to not show the shock on her face, or the pain that John's simple sentence had caused her. He had not used Alaina since she had told him to call her Al. She knew by his tone that he would give her exactly what she said she wanted. He would be giving her all the space that she would ask for. But as Alaina stared at John and saw how hurt he truly was her body was fighting to go against everything she had declared earlier. Alaina did not want to try and lead her own life. Nothing would have made her happier than to walk over to John and snuggle into his side and apologize. She would apologize and take it all back. Then she would be able to lay across his broad chest until she fell asleep like she had gotten so used to doing. Her body wanted to carry her across the room until they were their playful selves again. Even as her mind was screaming no to her body, and losing the battle, the stark reminder of why she had acted as she had, walked up to her door.

"Thank you," she said quietly as they both heard knocking.

"That's probably Randy. I told him to find me here when he was done getting ready."

"So you're going out tonight then?" Alaina tried to sound pleased and happy. There was no way that she wanted whatever relationship that she had left with John to be stressed. Even if they only saw each other during work, she wanted to be able to be relaxed around him. Letting him know how much his last words had gotten to her would not be the way to achieve that.

"It was Randy's idea. Let me just grab the door."

Alaina nodded and stood in the bathroom taking deep breaths. Her heart had been pounding since she had answered the door. Now though as Randy stood in her hotel room her heart began to quicken even more. She knew what he thought of her and the last thing Alaina needed or wanted was a confrontation right in front of John towards the end of the night.

"Hey we're gonna head out now. Maybe I'll see you around."

Alaina looked towards the door to see John standing there looking every bit as dejected as when she first met him. He tried so hard to hide it, but John Cena was an easy person to read once you got to know him.

"I'll walk you out. I'm leaving soon myself." John said nothing only nodded as Alaina followed him out of the bathroom.

"Alaina, hi," Randy said once he spotted her. He smiled and tried to act as nice as possible. His conversation with her had not gone well and he was still feeling guilty about it.

"Mr. Orton," she managed a small smile but stayed quiet after that.

"Randy, please," Randy smiled once more. "My friends call me Randy."

Alaina did not answer Randy simply nodded not bothering to speak.

"Ok, well we better head out now," John said trying to break the uncomfortable silence. "We'll be seeing you," John said as Alaina went to close the hotel door behind him.

"Hey Johnny boy," Alaina called to his back as he waited for the elevator. She waited until he turned and looked at her. "Call me Al."

A small form of relief came over Alaina when she saw John smile and wink. At least she had not ruined things between them too badly.

"What was that about?" Randy asked once they stepped into the elevator. His friend had seemed to go back to his solemn ways, but once more, a few words from Alaina and John was happy and normal.

"What?"

"That whole 'Johnny boy call me Al' stuff." Randy said doing his best to mimic Alaina's voice.

"Just something to let me know that we're still alright."

"What do you mean?"

John sighed and leaned against the elevator. If he was going to enjoy his night then he needed to rant now. "Alaina answers the door all done up like she's ready to paint the town all happy and excited. I ask her what's up. Why did she leave the arena so suddenly, without telling me anything? She starts spouting out how we need time to live our separate lives and how once she's back home we aren't going to see each other."

"Well are you going to see each other?" Randy asked interrupting his friend. For the first time all night he had hope. Maybe Alaina had gotten the point.

"I don't know man. I just know that I like her, she's a great person. I'm not going to stop talking to her just because she isn't on the road with us anymore. I want her to be part of my life Randy."

Randy nodded and looked at John. "Now you need to decide in which way you want that."

"What do you mean?"

"Friend or lover. Choose what you want before someone gets hurt."

John watched Randy walk out of the elevator thoroughly confused. Why would he need to choose between either? He and Alaina both knew where they stood with each other. They were friends, and nothing more. As far as both were concerned there were enough heart aches in both their lives to stave off relationships for quite some time. There was something wrong with Randy if he really believed that John needed to choose. John knew that there was only one thing going on between him and Alaina and that was friendship.

John hurriedly stepped off the elevator hearing that same familiar ding he'd heard thousands of times before. The doors were about to close. John's thoughts only became more confused as he caught up to Randy. Did Randy know something that he didn't or was Randy just being Randy? Assuming things, and making up feelings and problems that just weren't there. As John slid into the passenger seat of Randy's rental car he had too many questions to voice any single one of them. Instead of speaking he leaned his head back against the cool leather seat and closed his eyes. The day had been long, just like all the others. Now though when his day was supposed to be winding down he was becoming more agitated and annoyed with every passing minute. First Alaina and now Randy. _Has everyone lost their minds around here? _Nothing made sense to John. He was losing the slight bit of control he had managed to gain back. And if there was one thing that John hated it was losing control.

"There's a pretty good club right up here. What do you say we go there?"

John opened his eyes and looked at Randy. "Club?"

"It's a small place not much action. It's a good place to hang out every once and a while."

John nodded. He may not have wanted to go but he knew the look that was on Randy's face. Arguing with him would be futile. He saw the smirk break over Randy's face and couldn't help but smile himself. That small smile that Randy knew how to sell so well had managed to land Randy too many women to count. "Gotta teach me how to do that someday," John said lightly closing his eyes once more and listening to Randy laugh. He had asked Randy on more than one occasion to spill his secrets and Randy always laughed him off.

As John and Randy got settled into a booth at the club John knew what Randy was talking about. It was just the right mix of intimacy and the normal club atmosphere. Maybe, just maybe, if they were lucky they wouldn't get noticed and they could have a decent evening.

"Hey there's our company now," Randy said smiling and looking towards the door.

John groaned and shook his head. Leave it to Randy to make it a big outing. He should have known better than to think the evening would be anything else. "Orton I thought you said a quiet evening. You know that I don't want to have a bunch of girls hanging all over me."

"You may not want it man but trust me Cena, you need it. You've been indoors too long. Just throw back a couple drinks and loosen up."

John was just about to follow Randy's advice when a familiar figure caught his eye. She had said she was going out, but he had no idea it would be here. This place didn't seem like her speed. She was a sweet, quiet, reserved type of girl. His Alaina would never be here with some of the other backstage crew. His Alaina would be watching a movie in pajamas.

"Whatever it is between you two I suggest you sort it out. You don't want to burn a hole through her with that stare. Besides, with the way she's looking another guy might get to her before you do. I personally do taller women but you can't deny she looks good."

John did not know who the voice belonged to nor did he care. Right now his only thoughts were on Alaina. He had never before noticed her body. It was normally hidden under a large sweater. But now as he watched her walk towards the bar he was shocked at how good she looked. She had more curves than most women in the bar, and the best part was that she was all natural. He lets his eyes roam slowly over every inch of her. No one else in the bar that night would capture his attention now. No woman would compare to Alaina and the grace she carried herself with. Or the smile and laughter that seemed to light up everyone around her.

He smiled and made his way over to the bar next to her.

"Whatever she wants I'll pay for. The lady pays for nothing tonight," he said to the bartender.

"Thank you really but I can pay for my own drinks."

John laughed, in all the noise she didn't recognize his voice or bother to look his way. Now this seemed more like Alaina. "I insist Al."

The puzzled look on Alaina's face melted into one of surprise and happiness as she turned and found the amused face of John staring at her.

"Johnny boy fancy running into you here." Alaina smiled and stared at John; no longer able to resist the urge to touch him she threw her arms around him in a hug.

"I was surprised to see you. I didn't think you really did bars and clubs."

"I don't but I got talked into it. See that guy there?" She asked pointing to a tall man that was standing off to the side talking to some of the other backstage people. "He charmed me into it."

"So you're on a date?"

Alaina looked at John's face unable to really read what he was feeling. The only thing that was obvious to her was the sudden indifference that John was trying to play off.

"More like a friendly outing."

"Right, well, I'll uh- I'll leave you to it then."

Alaina watched as John walked back to his table and back to his friends. The sudden change in his attitude shocked her. It wasn't really a date, and she could have explained that much if John hadn't run away.

"Saw you talking to John Cena. Is everything alright with work?"

Alaina looked up into a pair of dark brown eyes wishing that they were the sky blue she had gotten used to.

"Everything is fine Brian. He just thought that we were on a date. Didn't want to disturb us I guess."

"Well that might be true if I didn't have a girlfriend already."

Alaina smiled and laughed a bit. "I'm out of your league buddy. Come on let's have some fun and cause some trouble," she said laughingly as she led him off to the dance floor.

John Cena had Alaina thoroughly confused and now was not the time to figure out what was happening with him. She knew that she was doing the right thing by backing away from him. But there was no denying that it was beginning to hurt her more than she would have liked it to.

**

* * *

**_Well there it is a new chapter finally. I know it's been a while but life has been real crazy with me. I'm hoping to get a little more writing down now that things are kind of settling back to normal. Anyway if you like the story review or drop me a message. I love talking to people and knowing that people liked my stuff... well it just makes my day. And hey if you like my stories spread the word let other people know. Nothing wrong with a little pimping of the stories lol :-) Ok I'm done rambling now go leave that review ;-)_


	8. I Need To Know You

As Alaina stepped out from the shower she crossed to the counter and sighed. Work was never supposed to be easy but this was beginning to seriously tax her mind and body. If she wasn't doing paperwork she was shuffling John from spot to spot doing different appearances. She had been so engrossed in work that she was forgetting that she needed to take care of her body. This was an idea that did not sit well with her.

Growing up trying to be the perfect daughter to a single working mother was never an easy feat for Alaina. Torn between the desires to be a normal rebellious teenager and helping raise her younger siblings there was rarely a moment in her life where she felt balanced and in control of her life. The older she got the more it became obvious that she tended to overcompensate for the lack of order in other areas of her life.

Now as a grown woman she could not out-grow the odd habit of inspecting every inch of her face and body in the mirror after a shower. Her body was the one thing that she always had control over no matter how crazy her family life got. Exercise could help clear her mind and exhaust any extra anger and displaced aggression she seemed to build up. Growing up with a mother that everyone considered gorgeous did not help her feel any better. Especially when her mother began to make fun of her ample curves and short stature. The paranoia that she would never look good to any man would always stay with her. She could cover it up all she wanted with jokes, smiles, and a confident walk; but nothing could stop her from feeling short and dumpy. The only way to subside the small voice in the back of her head that constantly told her she was not good enough was to inspect her body. Criticize every extra bit of fat on her body, every blemish on her complexion; it was exactly what she was going to do as she let out another great sigh and began to dry herself off.

John Cena had to be one of the hardest working men she had ever come across. It was all that she could do to drag herself into her hotel room and shower up. Josephine was right; the publicity blitz leading up to Wrestlemania was pure insanity. And it was leaving Alaina to wonder exactly why she had agreed to tour with them in the first place.

After two and half weeks Alaina was exhausted, physically as well as mentally. She had left things off with her mother in a very weird way and hadn't bothered to broach the subject of divorce since she first mentioned it to her mother. A meeting with a divorce lawyer was scheduled the day after she got home from the road. And most of all John had barely talked to her within the last forty eight hours. Every chance she tried to take to explain what had happened the night at the club was dismissed. Either John was unwilling to talk to her, or the interruptions that always seemed to arrive were all valid; although Alaina found that hard to believe. Whatever the reason, it was leaving Alaina frazzled and up thinking nearly all night long.

Getting out of her home and onto the road was supposed to help take away the pain. She rationalized the quick get away with the idea that it was going to be therapeutic. Sleeping in the bed that always reminded her of her husband; walking the halls that had his memory embedded in every inch of them did not help her move on with her life. The new scenery and unfamiliar places were supposed to help relieve her of that tension. All that she seemed to be finding though were troubling thoughts of John. There seemed to be times when the world fell away from them and they were perfect together. No expectations or complications; simply two friends enjoying each other's company. John seemed to be a wonderful man who cared, and only wanted somewhere to care about him in return. But the world would always come back and get in between them.

Those days were the ones that made Alaina lonely and wishing that she had followed her first instincts and kept things strictly professional with John. He was either caring and patient, or distant and indifferent. And ever since the club John had chosen to be the latter of the two. Leaving Alaina confused and distressed about why he had chosen to behave in such a way.

Alaina frowned as she stared into the mirror. Somehow it always seemed she could do her best thinking when analyzing every one of her physical imperfections. It was the only time in her life that she took time to think over the state of her body as well as her mind. And at the moment the confusion and frustration was becoming too much for her, as was the quiet that seemed to be deafening her. Normally she was always consciences of other people around her and rarely did anything that might upset them, however her mood was getting the best of her and she needed music to help relieve some of the harsh emotions that were weighing on her.

She smiled to herself as she grabbed her laptop and brought it into the bathroom. She knew her sister would love to see her so free and relaxed about singing and listening to music somewhere that someone might hear her. Her smile only seemed to grow as she turned up the volume and let the music begin to wash over her. This was her favorite way to get ready for sleep. Put on her lotion, comb out her hair and dress all while dancing around and singing to some of her favorite songs. Her sister was the only one who truly knew how lost in music Alaina could get, and always encouraged her to follow whatever passion she wanted to commit herself to most. And at that moment Alaina was allowing herself to feel like the rock star that she secretly had always wanted to be.

For the last forty eight hours there seemed to be no relief from the guilt and frustration that John was experiencing for not talking to Alaina. He knew that she wanted to talk to him; but there was something inside of him that made him come up with some excuse when she approached him. He did not want to hear about her dating anyone. He had met Alaina first, he knew about her disintegrating life, her broken heart. He was the one there for the tears that she shed when she had a sudden reminder of her husband, or the baby she should have had. How was it possible that she believed he would in any way want to hear about another man coming into her life and enjoying all the pieces that he was slowly helping put back together?

No matter how hard John had tried to rationalize his new distance from Alaina he could not help but miss her. There was no more denying that Alaina wasn't always on his mind in some way. She had crawled under his skin without every trying. And that was what seemed to always bring John back around to her. Every other women lately would give him all that he wanted; they would say what he wanted to hear, wear what he liked and work extra hard to get remembered. Alaina had made him feel again, made him feel like more than a paycheck, or a simple minded wrestler. He was wanted, better yet needed, and it gave him a better feeling than he remembered it to be.

Randy's words, days later, still made no sense to John. How would he choose between something that was not an option? Alaina was not anywhere near ready for a relationship. There could be no mistaking her resistance to any form of intimacy. Forming a friendship had been hard enough. She had kept her distance even after John had gently prodded her for a bit more information. But then again it was all up to Alaina how much she opened up to him. And she had chosen to tell him more than anyone else around her knew.

The knowledge that John had left her on her own after she had more than admitted she needed a true friend made him miserable. There was nothing left to do besides go to her room and talk it out with her. And that was exactly what he would do. Even though they had barely spoken since the night at the club she had purposefully found John and given him her spare room key. Tonight would be the perfect night to use it.

After being hassled by Randy for an hour John could think of nothing else but talking to Alaina and settling things with her. But now as he stood by the door listening to her singing he felt no need to rush into talking. She had refused to sing in front of him after he had told her that he thought she had a wonderful voice. Hearing that sound, knowing what kind of mood she was in before saying a single word to her, all of it was something that John could listen to for the rest of the night without disturbing her. But what he found when he walked to the bathroom and saw the door open was not something that he had counted on.

Alaina leaned over the bathroom counter to be mere centimeters away from the mirror. Even with a towel wrapped around her head John knew that she was stunning. Her tiny little body was curved in all the right places. But it was her eyes, and her smile that seemed to take up all of her small, circular face that John adored. The big, round, shockingly dark brown that seemed nearly black, eyes that wore years of pain had seeped into John's dreams on more than one night. And now they would not leave him alone.

What she was doing staring at herself and pointing to things on her face John didn't really know. He could only guess that she was picking out things that she felt needed improvement.

"You look great just the way you are," he said softly, smiling when Alaina jumped and spun around.

"And how long have you been standing there?"

"Not that long. I was standing at the door for a while listening to you. I figured it would be rude of me to not alert you to my presence." John smiled and felt himself relaxing. Something inside of his chest had begun to loosen simply looking at Alaina in her usual tank top and sweat pants. "What's wrong?"

Alaina smiled and shook her head. "There is nothing wrong." If there was one thing that she had always hated was when people were able to read her so easily. Her emotions were not supposed to be so close to the surface where anyone could read her. She had been raised to be strong and independent. The fact that John could tell that she was upset was a true sign of weakness. Something Alaina was sure she needed to fix.

"Al, I think I know you a little better than that. Now what's going on?"

Although John had made his way to Alaina's room to talk to her about his own guilt and wrong doing, something in the way she sang, the way she stared at herself in the mirror made him positive that something was seriously bothering her. His own problems could be put aside for the moment. But as John watched Alaina turn on the spot, pulling her towel off of her head to let her hair fall around her shoulders, he knew she would not yield so easily. It was no surprise to him; he was ready for the fight that would surely follow.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that? You are the one that showed up here at midnight to-" she paused trying to figure out what exactly John was doing in her hotel room so late. "What exactly are you doing here?"

"I needed to talk to you."

"Now of all times? I've been trying to talk to you for days John. What's changed?" Alaina asked as she crossed her arms and leaned against the bathroom counter. Whether she was four feet ten or six feet eight, the way she projected her annoyance and impatience with John's sudden change of heart would have intimidated the largest of men.

"Can we sit down to talk? I uh- I- I just got some things I need to get off my chest."

The nervous pounding had began in his chest again as he thought of what he wanted to say, especially with the defensive stance Alaina had decided to adopt.

Alaina nodded. "Sure, let's sit down out there," she said pointing towards the small sitting area the hotel room had.

Without waiting for John to make a reply she walked over to the dresser leaning against it and once more crossing her arms and legs. Nothing to her this night was pleasing, she was tired, and had beaten herself up over John for the last two days. Him showing up just because he wanted to did not sit well with her. And she hummed a few songs to herself as she waited for John to sit and collect his thoughts.

"So, what's up?" Alaina asked after a couple of minutes sitting in silence. John had not moved, or made a sound.

"No, don't stop singing," John said softly not moving his eyes from the spot on the hotel carpet.

Alaina smiled and shook her head. "You didn't come here to listen to my humming Johnny boy."

"It's soothing." His voice so quiet and small at the admission that even John was surprised it had come out of his mouth.

"John you didn't come here to-"

"What were you singing?" John asked not bothering to acknowledge that Alaina had said anything.

Alaina sighed and fixed him with a penetrating stare. John had come to her room for a reason. Only know he was stalling and refusing to say what he had come by for.

"It's just an old gospel song. Something I sing when I'm feeling a little low," she shrugged and fell silent. Talking about an old song that comforted her was not what she wanted. For once she wanted John to be the one to fall apart. She wanted to know what he was feeling underneath the calm demeanor he loved to portray.

"Sing it for me." His request was quiet and simple enough. But the true meaning behind it all was much deeper than his simple words conveyed. And if John could get her to sing without telling her how much was inside of him then all the better for him.

"What?"

"I haven't been feeling that great lately. Maybe that song can help me like it does you. Sing it for me Al, please?"

"John," Alaina began warningly. "You did not come to my room at midnight to have me sing some gospel song to you."

"Al please," John began to beg. "I just need-" he sighed and dropped his head in his hands. There was no real way for John to finish his sentence without telling her how broken he truly was inside. He was still hesitant about showing his weaknesses, but he was being close to being broken in half. He needed someone to hold him together: Alaina had done that for him constantly whether she was aware of it or wanted to.  
"You need what John?" She asked getting increasingly more agitated with the way John kept closing himself off. "What? I have told you all this stuff about myself, stuff that I've never said out loud; but I know nothing about what happened to you, how you feel, what you need. Why is that John?

"I don't know Al, I don't know. I can't give you an answer to all those questions, but I do know one thing. I need to feel something Al. I need to feel like somehow, maybe, things just might be alright again. Please," John's eyes finally met Alaina's pleading with her to understand all that he could not say. "Please, sing to me." He said softly dropping his eyes back to the carpet.

Alaina shook her head and took a deep breath. "God help me," she said to herself as she began to sing for John. She had never before sung on request for anyone before: yet here she was about to sing to John.

She leaned against the dresser a bit more and closed her eyes willing herself to believe that she was on her own and began to sing.

_"__There are days when I feel The best of me is ready to begin Then there're days when I feel I'm letting go and soaring on the wind Cause I've learned in laughter or in pain  
How to survive I get on my knees I get on my knees There I am before the love That changes me See I don't know how But there's power When I'm on my knees."_ Alaina opened her eyes as she kept singing to see John had lain down on the bed closing his eyes. For a while she thought that he might have fallen asleep. He stayed perfectly still as she continued her singing.

"_I can be in a crowd Or by myself almost anywhere When I feel there's a need To talk with God He is Emmanuel When I close my eyes No darkness there There's only light  
I don't know how but there's power In the blue skies In the midnight When I'm on my knees"_

Alaina shrugged as she finished the song. "I love the lyrics. It's a good reminder that I'm a survivor," she trailed off as she finished her thought.

John had not moved since he had started listening to Alaina singing. And as he listened to her explain why she loved the song he let her voice sink in. The way that the way her voice so softly carried on note through note washed over him and what he was looking for broke over him. The bit of optimism and hope that evaded him so often lately had begun to seep back into him.

"I feel terrible Al," he said after a lengthy silence, opening his eyes and sitting up. "You go on one lousy date and I can't even be happy for you. No, I have to get angry like some jealous teenage boy," he admitted dropping his head.

Alaina gave a harsh chuckle and shook her head. "You are a true idiot Johnny boy. I was not out on a date. Brian already has a girlfriend. He just saw that I was having an off day and invited me along with some of the crew for a night of fun."

Alaina eyed John hard as she began to understand his behavior towards her. She nodded her head as she looked around the room trying to avoid looking at John at all. Her eyes stayed fixed upon the ceiling as she crossed her arms and legs even more. Her annoyance was reaching a new level.

"That's why you haven't talked to me? All of this because I went out with someone else besides you?

"Yes---well no. It's- it's more complicated than just that."

"Why don't you dumb it down for me John? Try to put it like you were talking to another man. Because for days I've tried to talk to you and get things back to an ok place. I have opened up to you John, even when the very thought of talking made me sick with pain. I gave parts of myself to you that very few people have ever had."

"I know, I know," John sighed and shook his head. "I had a moment of jealousy. This," he said motioning between the two of them. "Is the best thing that could have happened to me right about now. I like what we have going on here. I could not handle another person interfering in it. It was childish and foolish I know. I acted immature,"

"And idiotic," Alaina said still avoiding looking at John.

"I'll give you that too," John said with a little bit of a laugh. "I wanted to keep what we have just the way it was."

"What we have is not healthy Johnny boy. I can't attach myself to you when you won't do the same with me. I came here to forget about my life. I want to run away from my problems, my guilt, my pain, but you bring out this—this-" Alaina stopped speaking and took a deep breath. Tears were waiting on the rims of her eyes. Waiting to be let loose; and they would wait as long as necessary for Alaina to break down. And undoubtedly she would if she couldn't regain control.

It had been so long since she had been affected by another person, let alone a man. And even as she tried to hide it and bury her vulnerability John could see just how hurt she was by his avoiding her.

"Oh Al honey, I'm so sorry," John said softly as he stood and wrapped her in his arms. "I was an idiot and I know that. You are just so great and I don't want to see you hurt or see that some guy isn't appreciating you the way that he should. You deserve the world Alaina Vasquez, and nothing less."

Alaina buried her head in his chest and let herself be soothed by the deep rumble of John's voice. At least John knew that he was foolish. But why would he get so jealous behind one single guy? And as John caressed Alaina and kissed the top of her head she knew that on some level Randy Orton was right. John needed more than she could give. Randy might have gone about it all wrong but that did not mean that he was right.

"John you need to go," Alaina said softly pushing against his chest trying to get some distance between them.

"I want to talk all this out Al. I know that you are upset, just as I am."

"You know nothing about me," she spat out spitefully.

The feel of John's body, the way he cared for her and held her was making Alaina's head begin to spin. John had to leave before something happened that they would both regret.

"Oh really?" John asked raising his voice slightly. "I know things about you that-"

"You John Cena know certain facts," Alaina said interrupting him. "Tidbits about my life. You know nothing about me, who I am. This isn't what either of us needs. You don't know me, or need me. I don't know you and I especially don't need you. Just go John."

Alaina's outburst drained her and she sunk into of the hotel chairs. Desperate for John to leave; to leave her alone with her demons that she deserved to be tortured by.  
John sat quiet for a long while, not moving from where he stood. Alaina's words not only hurt but they seemed to clear up a problem in his own mind. He had always wondered what about Alaina had gotten to him. From the first moment he saw her hair sprawled across her desk and she talked to him like she had none him for years, John knew that he wanted to know Alaina. He had sat quietly by letting her talk, cry, laugh, sleep. He, John Cena, knew her habits and what emotions they were tied to. He knew how to get her to laugh and how to make her stop crying. He knew how to calm her down when her emotions got the best of her unexpectedly. He loved the way she fit against his side when they laid in bed on nights when they were too tired to do anything else. How she always had her fall against half of her face when she slept.

John had watched Alaina for three weeks. He did not know all that there was to know, he probably never would. But he did know enough to know that she would always have a special place in his heart.

"You can't say that we don't know each other. We have spent so much time together these past few weeks. We know each other," John said softly as he knelt down in front of the chair wrapping his arms around her. "And we need each other."

He knew that he was falling in love with Alaina and she might run scared but her soft warm skin pressed against his was all that he needed at that moment. He needed no declaration of love or to make one to Alaina. John loved Alaina in all ways, and as he layed his head against her chest he was hoping that he could show her that. His breathing slowed as he closed her eyes and took in her scent. She always had a soft lavender scent to her that he absolutely loved.

He wrapped his arms tighter around her and relaxed when he felt her hands begin to work their way through his short hair. The friendship between the two of them was the most important to John. No matter what happened after he was going to work to preserve what they had together.

"I know I was stupid but you mean so much to me Al."

"It's not just that John. I mean I tell you all this stuff about me. Open up to you because I feel like you'll understand like you won't judge me. But I don't know about you, about what happened to break you down."

"I'm not broken down," John said lying slightly. It was true when he met her he was broken. But just being around her was beginning to build him back up."

"John don't lie to me!" Alaina yelled as she stood and began to pace the room. "You want friendship yet you won't open up to me. I'm supposed to lean on you when you won't lean on me? I'm here for you John but you won't use me! It can't work like that. You hold me and make me feel so safe; then I begin to wonder is Johnny boy ok? But why ask because you don't say much. And I don't mean that you have to tell me everything or even half of things that go through your mind. I just can't trust you blindly when you won't trust me in return."

John watched with a small smile on his face as Alaina ranted and walked the entire length of the room. He sat down on the chair she had flown up from and sat quietly waiting until she was done.

"Al honey I know all of this already. I've argued with myself over and over and over."

"And what did you come up with?"

"I want to be in your life I don't care how," John said grabbing her hands and pulling her down next to him. "You want to know my story, I'll tell you."


	9. The Beauty of Sunrise

John watched as Alaina shifted in her sleep sending more waves of dark brown hair his way. He didn't blame Alaina for falling asleep. It was already four a.m.: and if the conversation the two had earlier in the night wasn't keeping him up he would have been fast asleep as well.

"_I messed up big time," John said as he wrapped his arms around Alaina once more. He wanted to tell Alaina the whole truth, needed to hear her wisdom and advice. He simply needed to feel her there: to believe he was keeping her safe from all the pain that the world had caused her to intimate to John her whole story. _

"_Maria was the first real relationship that I had since Liz. And she was absolutely great. We had so much in common. She understood my lifestyle and was living it herself. She loves cars, just like I do. We traveled together so seeing each other was not difficult for us. She's a decent girl, real decent. Nothing can change that."_

"_So then what happened?" Alaina asked in a small voice near that of a child. She wanted to let him know she was listening without disturbing his chain of thought. That she was interested without being judgmental._

"_I wish I knew. I loved her with everything I had inside of me. I did my best to make sure that she was happy. I woke up one morning reaching for her: she wasn't there. I thought she went to work early. She loves her job and she's always training or doing extra appearances. I didn't think it was unusual for her to be up and out before me."_

_Alaina moved in closer to John and took his hand in both of hers, holding tightly. Whatever had happened was enough to break John down. Alaina could do nothing but show her support and hope that it would be enough for him._

_John smiled at the small hands that were trying to clasp his. Alaina had been through so much more than he had and yet she was still his rock. She asked for nothing in return but his trust; and even though the memories hurt he knew it was better to share them all than to lose out on the amazing woman sitting beside him. _

"_I didn't find the note till I got out of the shower. Just sitting there, on top of my gym bag. 'Dear John, we aren't working. I can't keep kidding myself into thinking that we can be together forever. I wanted to believe it so badly, I did almost everything to try and make it true. It's painfully obvious now that it isn't going to work. I need to leave now while I can still move on and get over you. I'm sorry.'" John recited with a faraway look in his eyes. If he did not detach himself from the memories the pain of it all would make it impossible for him to finish. So with a calm demeanor and indifferent attitude John continued his story. "I read it until I memorized it, and then repeated it to myself for days."_

"_Well did you ask her about it?" Alaina asked still not daring to raise her voice above a whisper. _

_John nodded and sniffled. The emotions that he had tried to bury the one night that he had cried over Maria were beginning to resurface. Not being properly dealt with for so long his emotions were raging inside of him. Each fighting to the surface at the same time; each of them desperate to come out all at once. John's heart began to fill with the same pain and despair as if he were reliving it again. The fear that he would end up completely alone no matter how hard he tried to make a woman happy. _

"_It's ok Johnny boy," Alaina said softly rubbing the back of John's large hand. She knew how hard it was to talk about the things that seemed to split your soul in half._

_Events that not only made you cry but made you lose a piece of yourself in the process. Times where your spirit, the very essence of how you were, began to fracture before your eyes. Before the eyes of others without them truly realizing just how badly you are hurting. _

"_I know it's hard to talk about. You don't have to tell me anymore. I just want to know that you are willing to talk to me." Alaina looked into his eyes and gave a smile. She saw the pain that he was holding in and hoped that her smile, if even in the smallest way, could help bring the lively, happy John Cena back. _

"_I want to tell you. You asked me, you deserve to know. Especially after you told me about your divorce and the loss of your-" John trailed off breaking eye contact. He never felt right bringing up her miscarriage. And he could never bear the pain that flashed in her eyes when it was mentioned. He needed to look away or he would kiss her, hold her, and declare his love for her. Do anything necessary to make all of her pain go away. _

"_It's alright John. You don't have to feel bad. It was a long time ago. I nearly died from the pain. But I'm still here and if I can lend that strength to others then that's what I want to do." She squeezed his hand once more and smiled. "Talk to me. Tell me what happened after the letter."_

_John took in a deep breath and nodded his head. "I saw her the next day. I wanted to talk to her the minute I saw that letter. But I knew that it wasn't a good idea. I mean I was just so angry about everything. A year that we had together and she ended it all with a letter that to me will never make any sense. When I saw her the next day I begged and pleaded and then probably begged some more to get a second chance. I wanted to fix whatever was wrong between us. I wanted to work through whatever was wrong between us. I wanted to stay with her and make her happy. She cried from the moment she saw me till the moment I left. She said she wished that it were possible to stay together. That she wanted me to love her the way that she truly needed me to, but she knew that I couldn't do that. I wasn't what she needed at the time and she needed to let it go. I still don't get it. I gave her everything that I am."_

"_It just wasn't enough," Alaina spoke up. "Sometimes," she continued on slowly. "people need to cut themselves free before they drown in the other person. Giving so much of themselves to make things work that they forget who they are. They begin to live for the other person not themselves. Especially with people like us; people who have pasts to get over and trouble truly moving on."_

_John hung his head and stayed silent. Even though he would not admit to it John knew that Alaina was right. So much of his heart was still with his ex Liz. He could not help it. She was his first love, his first true relationship, and it still hurt that they had not worked out how he had hoped. She was an amazing woman and would make another man very happy. It was just not to meant to be John, and he could not help that he still had problems accepting that. Still none of that meant that he had loved Maria any less. _

_His heart and soul had been given to her without hesitation. All she had to accept was that after Liz he had not gotten all of himself back. Part of his heart never came back after Liz. Now he worked extra hard to make anyone else believe that they were just as loved, because they truly were. _

"_You loved her the best you could John," Alaina said quietly as if reading his mind. "I'm sure you did all that you knew how to make her happy. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be with no real rhyme or reason. Those I think are the ones that hurt the most. We can't help who we are or what we've been through. Being rejected simply because we aren't enough is devastating. It doesn't mean that you aren't meant to be happy with someone. Only that you haven't found that one person you're supposed to be with."_

"_I went back home that week," John continued on. Hearing Alaina's words bolstered his spirit: and gave him the courage to tell her of his truly shaming actions. "My mother hadn't seen me in a month and made sure to get all of her boys together for dinner. I told her that night what happened with Maria. What she said, why she left. I thought that my mother would comfort me the way she always did when I was younger and I fought with my father or brothers. She would hug me and whisper to me how special I was. I would lean on her and let her stroke my hair until I was calm enough to talk to whoever I had fought with. Instead of comforting though, we fought. She yelled at me for ruining a great relationship. She said that none of it would have happened if I could just accept Liz for who she truly is. That I spent my young adult life focused on a manipulative, narcissistic egomaniac and I should let all feelings for her go. I know Liz had her flaws, we all do. But she was never as bad as any of my family believe. I was young and stupid and left my family alone during a difficult time. Liz didn't mean for it to happen, but she was young and wrapped up in her own world. Neither of us meant for things to happen that way. No matter how hard I tried to get my mom to understand this, it just wasn't happening. She wasn't having any of it. And all along in my head I'm saying to myself 'just walk away before something happens. Leave now before you lose it.' But I didn't walk away, and I completely lost it. I just started screaming and blaming her for the divorce between her and my dad. I told her that she was cold and unforgiving. I just raged on and on, and at some point my hand flew through a wall. She just stared at me crying as my brother began to yell and I walked out."_

"_Have you spoken to any of them since?" Alaina asked still keeping a firm hold on his hand. _

_No matter what had happened with John, she was not going to leave his side. Randy Orton could say and do whatever he wanted to do. John needed a friend. Someone unassuming and strong enough to help him bring back all the pieces that had fallen apart on him. John needed Alaina, and when someone needed her she was right there no matter the repercussions. _

"_Barely. The week I met you I had just gone back trying to make amends. It only turned into another fight. I haven't really tried since then."_

"_John," Alaina said after a lengthy silence. "Johnny boy look at me."_

_Alaina waited until his eyes slowly met hers. She knew that he was ashamed at how he acted, and hated that things had yet to be fixed. Now she wanted him to know that she was going to help him fix it all. That she was there simply to help him like he was helping her. They would put each other back together slowly. _

"_Family is life," she spoke once he met her gaze. "There is nothing in this world that is more important than a person's family. Nothing," Alaina said emphasizing her point. "You need to fix it." _

John sighed as he pushed back Alaina's long dark hair. The way that she had looked at him after he finished his story had broken his heart and had kept him awake.

The disappointment in her eyes and voice was brutally obvious. She had not bothered to hide either, and although John had expected nothing less from her it still felt horrible to know for sure that he had let her down. So much so that he lay thinking about his family and Alaina's belief that he should have fixed his wrong doings long before he had told her the story about his misguided temper.

"I know I have to fix it Al. I promise that I'll make it alright. For the both of us," John whispered as he closed his eyes waiting for sleep to claim him for the last few hours that his sky would be covered under a blanket of twilight.

Alaina curled up in the chair by the window of the hotel room. Even though she had an exhausting night, Alaina found herself wide awake.

Her dreams had been filled with tears and emotional outbursts that had not allotted her the rest that she needed. After the first few dreams she had grown tired of waking up sobbing.

Instead of trying to chase the hope of sleep she turned her attention to the sunrise. Watching as the city skyline was covered in a glorious soft pink glow seeming to lend a bit of color and vibrancy to everything around it. Alaina loved watching the sun rise. It always brought hope and peace. The world at that point was itself a canvas for a wonderful, unique work of art every morning. The sky painted shades of pink and orange sending wonderful colors and shadows across the land.

With the rare moment of quiet Alaina took the time to think over what had happened to her in the last few months. Something inside of Alaina had changed since meeting John Cena. Her emotions seemed to surface more easily, and she smiled and laughed like she hadn't done in months. Although she was still hurt and angry over the way her life had turned around; she was no longer so afraid of people knowing what she was really feeling. She no longer wanted to hide her pain from the ones she loved. She wanted to help them overcome their own pain by sharing her sorrows and how she got over them. How she had taken it one day at a time, reminding herself of all that was good in life. How she had trusted in a man she barely knew, but had turned out to be her godsend.

Alaina felt stronger than she had felt in over a year. Yet even as strong as she felt there was still so much sorrow and longing for all that she no longer had. Her husband, her child, all lost because of life's circumstances. All crying inside of her to be mourned and missed, and hopefully one day replaced. As she watched the sunrise she allowed herself to feel vulnerable and deal with that pain. John would be awake soon; and she would take on his pain as her own then. For now though she would only deal with her own pain and enjoy the quiet beauty of the sunrise.

John opened his eyes and reached out his arm expecting to feel Alaina next to him only to feel empty space beside him. Quietly he rolled over and scanned the room trying to find out where Alaina was.

His eyes fell upon the chair by the window. The curtains open a bit to cast a soft light on Alaina. The orange glow from the sunrise making her skin glow a soft bronze and her dark hair shine. Her legs tucked under holding a mug, John wondered what she was thinking about. He had never seen Alaina look so vulnerable. Something about her face, the longing painful look in her eyes that told him she was thinking about the past, about her pain. And the effect on him was staggering. Alaina seemed like a totally different person. Her eyes tinted red from the sun, a soft sad smile on her face. In that moment John truly saw Alaina. Her pain, her resilience, her desire to move on; her eyes hid nothing from him.

With her hair pulled to the side in a ponytail without makeup and her pajamas eyes: her eyes tired looking showing the stress of the night; John found her more beautiful than he had ever before. There was something about Alaina in that moment that John found amazing and glorious. He was not sure that anyone else would understand it. He knew though that he would not want anyone to. He wanted to be the only person to ever see Alaina in that moment so open and vulnerable. He wanted to be the only one let into who she truly was and how greatly life had changed her.

It was as if he had been allowed in on Alaina's greatest secret. She still hurt inside and yearned for her old life.

John shifted himself onto his side careful not to make noise. Alaina would know he was up soon and this moment that he was enjoying so much would be over. He loved to watch her when she was unawares. It was the best time to truly understand exactly who she was.

"I made a little pot of coffee," Alaina said softly not moving her eyes from the window. The sunrise was almost over and she didn't want to miss the last flash of orange and pink streaking the sky. "I drink tea personally but I've learned how much you love coffee."

John stared at Alaina not saying a word. He had been up for at least ten minutes and barely moved. He had no idea how she knew he was awake. But he was very disappointed to see that Alaina had swallowed all of her pain. Who he saw was the Alaina hat she showed to the world by the time she turned her head to look at him.

"That's sweet of you Al. You didn't have to. I mean you have to be tired after falling asleep so late," he finally spoke as she turned to smile at him.

"I am tired, _very _tired; but I couldn't sleep. Don't worry about me Johnny boy," she said standing up from the chair. "I'll pour you a cup. We have a few hours until your first appearance. It's a light day for being right before Wrestlemania."

"So I'll be able to hit the gym," John said hopefully. Although he always trained hard right before Wrestlemania he always had to cram any workout sessions between appearances, interviews and shows. It would be a change of pace to have a slow afternoon and the time to work out the way that he loved to.

"Yes Johnny boy you will be able to hit the gym. If you can get your big butt moving in enough time. Here," Alaina handed John his cup of coffee and smiled. "Enjoy the quiet while it lasts."

"Al you don't have to take care of me. If you are having a hard day-"

"I am fine," she smiled and laughed at John's disbelieving expression. "John I am fine, really. I feel better than I have in so long. I'm tired but that's about it."

John smiled and got out of the bed. "I know how you feel Al. My stuff is still in my hotel room so if I want to get a move on I have to bounce out of here. Thanks for this," he said lifting up his cup. "I'll bring it back before we leave for the day."

Alaina stared at John as he put his sneakers on. She wasn't sure if he knew or not but she had to tell him. "I'm leaving the day after tomorrow John," she said softly.

John's head snapped up. "That's the day before the hall of fame induction ceremony."

"I know that John. They only needed help until Wrestlemania. After that I guess they'll get someone else. Someone who is way more qualified for this than I am."

"You are qualified for this. You've done great."

"Dealing with one person," Alaina said laughingly. "I like my job, I like being able to help creative out. I don't belong on the road."

"We'll have a celebration tomorrow. Everyone will come and say goodbye."

"Like who John? I don't know many people on the road. And the ones I do know, know that I'm leaving. It's nothing big Johnny boy. You knew it wasn't permanent."

"I guess I just wanted to believe that it was," John said quietly locking eyes with Alaina. "We'll do something special," he said breaking the silence they had fallen into. "Try to get some more rest," John whispered in her ear as he pressed his lips dangerously close to the corner of her mouth.

Before Alaina could process what had happened her phone began to ring. Thinking that only her family would possibly call her so early Alaina picked up her phone without checking her called id; becoming weak in the knees when the voice on the other line came through with a familiar greeting.

"Hey Ally baby."


	10. Confessions Between Friends

"She told me just like that. No warning, just 'hey I'm leaving in a day," John ground out of his clenched mouth as he lifted the weight bar over his head to start another rep.

Randy Orton looked over at John and rolled his eyes. John had been talking of nothing else but Alaina leaving the road. Despite numerous attempts to change the topic John always returned to Alaina. Randy's heart sank as he saw all that he tried to prevent from happening. John was falling apart over a woman that he had known slightly over a week.

"It's not like you didn't know she was leaving man. I don't understand what the big deal is. You hung out for a few weeks, now she needs to leave. All of this you knew would happen at the very beginning."

"I know that, I knew that, I still know it. I do, it's just," John sighed and put the bar sitting up. Everything that was inside of him was boiling over, ready to come out. He knew that Randy wasn't always the best person to tell, especially when he didn't agree with what you were feeling, but who else was there to tell? "I-I," John stuttered, although he wanted to talk to someone about all that he was feeling somehow it wouldn't come out. He had grown accustomed to keeping it deep inside of him, letting it carry him through the day.

"You love her," Randy said for him. "It's not a theory, not a question. It's a fact. You are in love with Alaina."

"I do love her. I don't know if I'm _in _love with her, but I know that I love her."

Randy shook his head sighing. He had tried so hard to keep his best friend from getting hurt only to see it all coming to pass. "I told you not to get involved in anything with her. I told you man, it would be best to stay away. Even went to her to tell her that she needed to back off of you. Neither of you listened and look what's happening. You're in here falling apart over some woman that you've barely known a month."

"Wait, you told her what?" John looked over to his friend dumbfounded by what came out of his mouth. "I know you warned me, and I told you I was not going to date her, told you I wasn't going to try anything with her, and I never did, I'm not going to either. But why would you go behind my back and go to her? What did you say to her?"

"Nothing Cena, I didn't say anything I swear. I just warned her that you've been through a hard time lately and if she was going to play games she needed to end them."

John was up from his bench and over to Randy in a heartbeat. His rage had once again taken over him rendering him senseless. All he saw was the night that Alaina had tried so hard to push him away. The way he had treated her for days after that one night. He had made Alaina cry because of all that Randy Orton had told her. That was all that he needed to attack his long time friend.

"She cried to me after that night. I ignored her for days thinking that she was playing games!"

"Well then I was right!" Randy yelled back not intimated by John. Their relationship had always been a volatile one. Neither one afraid to get in the face of the other; but never had John attacked Randy because of a woman. "If she's getting you like this over nothing than she still is!"

"She never played games Orton! She was trying to protect me from what people backstage would say, people like you; morons who don't know when to mind their own business. I backed away from her thinking that I was getting played. She could bring her problems to me and date other people. But it wasn't anything to do with her, it was everything to do with you! Do you know how much pain you caused that woman?"

"What are you talking about? I didn't do anything to her. I had one talk with her."

John stood nose to nose with Randy watching his breath coming fast and shallow. Both men were seething. Both feeling undoubtedly betrayed by the other one.

"You are really something else Orton you really are. There she is standing there telling me that she's not fit for this life. That she doesn't belong in my world, that everything that we've shared on the road is going to be forgotten the minute that she walks onto that plane to head home. She trusted me, she leaned on me, and when you walked up all she could see was a bunch of egotistical idiots who thought more of what her job in this stupid corporation was than how much I truly cared for her!"

"Look, she's coming from a bad place, you're coming from a bad place. What's so wrong with me telling her that she needs to stop playing games?"

"It wasn't your place to say anything to her! So what if I fell head over heels from her and she sent me straight to the bottom of every bottle of jack that there was? It still wouldn't be your place to say anything!"

"I don't get you Cena. After everything that we have been through together you want to get in my face over some chick? I did what I thought was best for you and there is nothing wrong with that!"

John ran his hands through his short hair and let out a primal growl. His frustration was growing at a rapid rate with Randy Orton. The man still did not seem to get it. John left her alone, letting her think that he had no interest, and no trust in her, when all she was trying to do was protect him. Why she felt like she had to do that John would never know. The fact that she had put herself out like that and dealt with the pain only served to endear her to John all the more.

"You," John said pointing at Randy trying desperately not to hit him. "Stay away from Alaina and out of my life. No one ever gave you the right to do anything like that."

"You mean besides the fact that we came up in this business together and I've watched you go through hell and back trying to keep your life together?" Randy yelled heatedly. "Or the fact that I'm always the one that's there to help you pull yourself together after you let yourself get walked all over? I'm sick of helping you get yourself together!"

"You didn't help me this time Orton! You weren't there for me when things went wrong, I never told you anything about what happened, only that Maria left!" John stared at Randy. His expression turning from rage filled to realization. "That's what has you so messed up lately," John said quietly. "I didn't go to you, I didn't spend all night out with you. You say you don't want to pick me back up but you don't want someone else doing it either. You went to her because you were so sure that she was playing games and she was going to screw me over. News flash man, she is still here. Even after you went to her, she's still here. This isn't about me and her; this is about you and thinking that she isn't good enough for me." John watched as Randy shook his head and sat back down. "I'm going to tell you this only once, so listen up good because if I have to tell you again I won't stop myself from coming after you. She is better than me, better than you, better than more than half of the locker room. I love her because of who she is, and what she has and will do for me. No one will change that and no one can stop it. Stay away from her, once and for all," John gave Randy one last long glaring stare before turning and heading out of the gym.

He had an hour to get changed and into the car to get to his appearance. If he worked fast enough he might be able to squeeze in a little bit of time to talk to Alaina and apologize for his Neanderthal best friend.

John checked his watch as he walked the hall to Alaina's room. All that Randy had said to him at the gym was weighing on his mind. His blood was still boiling from his friends actions. He could not find any reason to excuse Randy for anything that he had done. Before John went on the road with Alaina his job was the only thing that was holding the so called "Champ" together. He had no desire for anything else in his life. He was tired and broken, and no one had a full grasp on how bad he truly felt. With Alaina John was able to begin working through all that had fallen apart around him. She had done something for him that no one around him had done. She had cared for him, she had studied him, and she had taken the time to learn all that there was to know about John Cena. Without reservation or expectation Alaina had opened up to John and as he walked into the room he knew that at that moment he would be doing the same.

"Hey, Al, you in there?" John knocked on the bathroom door calling to her over the hard rock music he heard playing. He shook his head, that music only meant that she was aggravated about something. "Come on honey open up I want to talk to you."

Alaina stood over the sink trying to slow her breathing down. The rage that had coursed through her had not subsided since she took the phone call early that morning. The last thing that she needed was to take it all out on John. No matter how badly she wanted to talk to John and fall into his arms she knew the anger that was coursing through her was likely to find an outlet in the first person she saw.

"I'll meet you in the car Johnny boy," Alaina called through the door trying not to scream at the incessant knocking on the bathroom door.

"Al, if it weren't important than I would wait until I saw you on the car ride over. I really need to talk to you. Please Al, open up sweetie."

John smiled to himself when he heard the music lower. He didn't know how, but he knew that he had the same effect on Alaina that she had on him. No request could be ignored by the other one. John knew the moment that he asked nicely whether Alaina truly wanted to or not she would open the door.

"What's going on with you?" John took in her red eyes and the fact that she was visibly shaking. Even from the other side of the room he knew that something had happened to Alaina in the last few hours that they were away from each other. "When I left this morning you were happy and tired. I thought you were going to get some more sleep?"

"I talked to- he just started lecturing and ranting like he _knew_," Alaina paced the floor unable to finish a full sentence. Raking her fingers through her hair she checked the time and let out a small scream. Her day had barely begun and she was already wishing that it would end. "I don't even have time for any of his crap! I need to get dressed and head out of here in twenty minutes; you have to go be happy wonderful friendly champion. I am not putting this on you right now. Let me just grab my things and we'll go."

John stood and watched Alaina race around the room getting her things together without saying a word. A large part of him wanted to ask her what had happened but he knew better than that. She was strong willed, stubborn and introverted. She wouldn't talk to him until she was fully ready. But that did not stop him from catching her and wrapping her in a reassuring hug, smiling to himself like he always did when he saw the way she nearly disappeared in his arms.

Alaina let out a few of the frustrated tears she had been fighting off the minute she felt John's arms wrap around her. In that moment it didn't matter that John's car would be downstairs waiting any moment or that there would be hundreds of eager fans waiting to shake hands and take pictures. All she wanted was this man to protect her from the childhood feelings that were crashing down upon her.

"God John, he makes me feel so worthless," Alaina said on a frustrated sigh.

"Who makes you feel worthless Al?"

"My father," Alaina said burying herself deeper in John's chest. She may not have had the time to deal with the situation the right way but she would make five minutes to be comforted by the man that was starting to become her whole world. "He called this morning right after you left. I'll never be good enough for him, I'm just one giant screw up. Not feminine enough, not caring enough, not patient enough, not willing to work hard enough to get anywhere in life. I'm his _daughter _and he still can't just love me for me."

John shook his head and laughed a bit. Alaina looked up and couldn't help but smile as she saw the twinkle in John's eyes grow the longer he laughed.

"What exactly is so funny Mr. Cena?" Alaina asked trying to keep her smile hidden from him.

"You are Ms. Vasquez. First off you are incredibly adorable when you are upset. Something about you when you start yelling and pacing around; it's like I try to take you seriously and all I see is this little fireball looking so wonderful and spunky. I'm trying to understand how someone like you could possibly let anything anyone says gets to you. You have been through more than most people have and you are still radiant and vibrant. You can't help but care about those around you and put yourself on the line for them if you think it's what they need. You have a great career, and you're being hugged by an incredibly handsome charismatic man. I say you're doing alright for yourself. There is no reason to let anyone make you feel otherwise."

"I'm a lot more fragile than I ever let on," Alaina said simply with a shrug. It was a truth that she had never truly admitted to anyone. But now that her life seemed to unraveling faster than she could even begin an attempt to fix it; she needed someone to know that she needed help, a shoulder, a true friend.

John chuckled once more and pulled her close. "I've known that from the moment that I saw that long dark hair all over your desk. But I swear I won't tell anyone." He pulled away slightly to smile at her. "I know that it'll be eating away at you for the rest of the day but we can't re-work the schedule this late in the game. So let's get down to the car and get through the day. And tonight we'll have some fun. We'll party our troubles away."

Alaina laughed and shook her head. "Always saying partying is the answer."

"No, I just never got a chance to dance with you the last time you were out," John said with a wink. In one swift movement John had pulled Alaina to his side and began walking out the door. "I'll take care of you sweetie always."

The moment that John said those words he knew that he would keep to that no matter what. The woman by his side was the most precious person in his life aside from his family. Randy Orton and the rest of the people backstage could think anything they wanted to. John's life was his own, and right now he was happy.

He would pull out all the stops, everything he knew to make Alaina's last night on the road private, intimate and special enough for both of them to remember for a lifetime.

Alaina smiled and bumped her shoulder against his side as she let her arm slide around his waist as far as it could.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Alaina asked as they stepped into the elevator. "You said it was important and I start foaming at the mouth the minute that I opened the bathroom door."

John sighed and shook his head. "Save it for another time."

"Are you sure? I mean if it's really important I'll make the time to sit down and talk. I mean me talking about what happened today would take hours and thousands of dollars in therapy; but if you need to talk I'm right here you know."

John smiled and pulled Alaina a little closer.

"There's only one thing that I have to say to you right now."

Alaina looked up and smiled at John waiting for him to tell her whatever it was that was on his mind.

"I love you Alaina Vasquez. You are truly one of the best things to ever happen in my life." John smiled and dropped a kiss on the top of her head before walking out of the elevator.


	11. One Night, One Moment

Alaina watched on as John interacted with his fans. He was always so generous and full of life. Even two hours into the signing with another hour to go before a break he was still putting on the biggest smiles and acting as if nothing was bothering him. She did not fail to notice that every so often he would look her way and send her a funny face. She always smiled and shook her head. She was supposed to be there purely for work not to be entertained by John Cena. But she would not complain if it meant that she would keep getting those breathtaking smiles from him. Or that he would send her a sexy smirk and wink that would cause her heart to race and illicit a feeling deep in her gut that had been absent for months.

Alaina smiled and got up when she saw him waving her over. She knew the drill, he would want the time, another energy drink, and to make a remark about how slow everything seemed to be going.

"Yes Mr. Cena?" She asked softly kneeling next to him.

"I need a couple of things," he said smiling at how close she was to him.

"It's a little after noon, here's your drink, and I promise you that your hand won't fall off if you sign another fifty autographs," Alaina answered smoothly watching his smile grow.

"Are you sure that you aren't cut out for this job? To me right now you seem perfect."

Alaina laughed softly and lightly smacked her hand against his leg. "Get back to your adoring masses Mr. Cena."

John watched as she stood up using his leg to pull herself up to a standing position. The thoughts of her in bed with him seemed to fly through his mind as if of their own volition. He could see her small hands travelling up and down every part of his body and if he wasn't careful he would lose focus completely. Leaving plenty of fans sorely disappointed.

Forcefully John slowly shut and opened his eyes leaving behind any thoughts of Alaina or any other woman in his bed for the moment. He caught her wrist in one of his large hands and pulled her back until he was able to whisper in her ear.

"Tomorrow night we're doing something special so don't make any plans," he looked into her eyes and smiled. Alaina was trying to hide it but he saw it there lying in the very back of her eyes. The soft whispering had affected her like her hand on his thigh had affected him.

Alaina nodded slowly and waited until John let go of her wrist before sitting down in her chair behind John. Her head seemed to fog over as she watched in seemingly slow motion John greet every last fan that was on line waiting for him. She wasn't sure exactly what was causing her hands to get all sweaty or her heart to race, but there was something about the way John whispered to her and the way that he had put aside her last night on the road simply for them. Sure she had spent plenty of time with John by themselves but they had never made it intentional, or done anything outside of the hotel room eating room service and watching a movie.

"I'm going to miss you John," Alaina found herself saying as they drove in the car to the next appearance.

John looked over at Alaina slightly stunned by her open admission and smiled. "I'll miss being on the road with you too Al. But it isn't like we aren't going to see each other ever again. Believe me," John said grabbing Alaina's hand in between his. "I will be around you more than you will ever like. You are bound to get sick of me."

Alaina laughed and rubbed her fingers lazily over the palm of John's hand. "I know that if it were possible you would definitely make that happen. We both know with your schedule and how big you are right now that there is barely time for you to get home and see your family every so often. I won't factor in to your life."

John shook his head and closed his eyes. So much of what he wanted to tell Alaina was on the tip of his tongue. He had planned it out beautifully in his head. He could tell her all that he was feeling, all that he had told to Randy, and then she would get it. Then Alaina would understand that she was important to John and that important people to John did not simply get forgotten the moment that they needed to part ways.

However the way that she was running her fingers over his palm and listening to her soft slow breathing was making his head spin. Nothing was coming out of his mouth no matter how loudly his brain was screaming at him to talk; to confess everything that had been building up inside of him for the last three weeks.

John opened his eyes and studied Alaina. She seemed to be wishing for something that was far away as she stared at the window of the car, her hand never leaving John's. Her large brown eyes never moving from the window and a small smile on her face. She seemed to be miles away in her own world without worries or pain.

"Where are you Al?" John asked with an amused smirk on his face.

"Just thinking over some things in my head is all," Alaina said simply still staring out of the window. "Enjoying the few minutes that I have to think of something other than work."

John said nothing as he closed his eyes and laid his head back on the seat. He knew the feeling that there was never time to concentrate on anything other than work. The feeling that there was no life outside of the arenas and the wrestling rings. For the moment he would allow Alaina to have her peace and he would take his. There was nothing more precious to either of them then having the few stolen moments in the back of the car to forget about their professional lives and simply be tired, hurt, angry and broken.

* * *

Alaina sighed as she stared at herself in the mirror. The simple black dress, her straightened hair and her lightly done makeup; there was nothing more for her to do. Nothing more to help her stall walking out of the bathroom to go and face a waiting John Cena.

Leaning on the countertop Alaina took a long deep breath in to try and relax the nerves that had picked the most inconvenient of times to arrive.

She needed to have something left to do. Something to keep her hands steady and her breathing normal. She needed to have something that would help will away the fear that was building up in her gut.

This was not supposed to happen. The butterflies that were racing around in her stomach were not supposed to be there. The tight knot that in the very pit of her stomach was not supposed to suddenly show up on the very last night that she was supposed to share with John. They were only going to dinner together. It was not something that was new to either of them. They had eaten together plenty of times.

The nervous feeling that was taking over her insides, and the way her hands would not stop shaking was however something very new to Alaina.

"Al," Alaina jumped at the sound of John's deep voice. "You've had me out here waiting for too long. Now either you come out here or I come in hoping that you are dressed and ready."

Alaina laughed and shook her head checking her appearance one more time. "I'll be right out Johnny boy. Perfection takes time."

John sighed and sat back down on the bed. He knew that women liked to take their time getting ready; what he didn't understand was why all of a sudden Alaina was so concerned about her appearance.

"I swear my stomach is going to start eating itself if we don't get out of here soon," John muttered.

Alaina forced herself not to roll her eyes at his comment. She knew she was taking a while but she needed to be sure that she wouldn't vomit once she came face to face with John.

_No, not the way to start off the evening. _Alaina shook her head at her own stupidity. She wouldn't vomit at all. Even if her stomach was trying to trick her into thinking it, she knew better. _I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. _The phrase repeated in her head over and over. It would be her mantra for the evening. That was of course if she could ever bring herself to step out of the bathroom.

"Ok for real this time you," Alaina spoke to her reflection trying to ignore the flaws that to her seemed horribly obvious. "You are going to calm down and walk out there. This man is your friend who is doing something nice for you on your last evening here."

Even as Alaina said the words to try and calm herself down she knew that something in them did not ring true.

John's words the day before echoed in her head. "I love you Alaina Vasquez". No, friends did not usually say those things to each other. Something in his tone, his soft manner with her was beginning to worry her. Had he fallen in love? Was John Cena falling for Alaina Vasquez?

The problem was that Alaina would never know. Not unless she asked John or he volunteered the information; and both options seemed very unlikely to happen.

With one last deep breath Alaina threw all thoughts of love and the full nature of her relationship with John to the very back of her mind. She would not spend her last night with John worried about such things. No, she would step out of the bathroom, mask her nerves, and have a wonderful night with John.

"Finally," John said staring at the ceiling. "I thought that you would never come out," he said hearing the bathroom door open. Sitting up he let his eyes fall on Alaina for the first time.

She stood in the doorway with a smirk on her face trying to feign annoyance at his comments. She gave a full smile though when she saw John begin to take in her appearance.

"Is this good for tonight? I didn't really pack anything to fancy." She asked nervously. He had insisted that the night be a surprise and her lack of a full wardrobe was concerning. In the end Alaina had settled on her simple wrap around black dress that often doubled as business attire and a simply party dress. It sat well on her and complimented her curves in all the right ways, the slit going up to mid thigh gave just the right amount of sex appeal to it.

John nodded and smiled. "It's perfect. You look stunning."

Alaina looked away and began to walk around gathering her things for the night. Compliments came so few and rare between that accepting them was exceedingly difficult.

"I know you're hungry so let's go," She smiled and opened the hotel room door. She always found it was better if she changed the subject completely when given a compliment.

"Promise me if you don't like it you'll tell me and we'll go somewhere else," John told Alaina seriously while driving. "I didn't want anything really fancy; I know you'd hate that. So I picked a little place up the road."

Alaina shifted in her seat to fully study John. He rarely ever dressed up but she knew that when he did he looked gorgeous. Tonight was no exception. In a perfect combination of dressy casual John's perfectly tailored button down shirt and pants made every part of him look amazing. This was the other problem with saying that they were friends. Alaina was incredibly attracted to John Cena.

"I promise, but I'm sure that whatever you picked out I'll like."

John smiled and kept his eyes trained on the road. Something had awakened inside of him the moment that Alaina had walked out of the bathroom door. If he looked at her know he would want to touch her. Let his hand glide over the exposed skin of her thigh to find out if it was as soft as it looked to him.

Alaina put her hand over John's and leaned back in her seat. The butterflies could have fun flying around all night, Alaina wouldn't care. She would enjoy John, enjoy the way that he looked, and smelled. She would enjoy everything about him without paying attention to any of her nagging concerns.

She was pleasantly surprised to find that John had decided to take her to a small upscale jazz restaurant. She wasn't sure if John liked Jazz or not but she knew that this evening, in her mind, was a perfect way to end the trip that had changed her life in so many ways.

John and Alaina talked all through dinner. As old friends who were catching up, whispered dreams and secrets like new lovers; but most of all like two people who truly needed to lean on each other to sort through their broken lives.

John had fallen in love with Alaina in the hours that they talked, and only smiled when she had mentioned that it seemed strange that they should be so close after so short a time.

"Dance with me John," Alaina said after they had eaten dinner.

"This isn't exactly my best scene Al."

"Come on Johnny boy. Dinner was amazing and before we end this I want one dance with you."

John smiled and stood up offering her his hand. "I'll never be able to resist you."

Alaina leaned against John's chest breathing in his scent and the feel of him. She needed to commit him to memory; to hold on to the one thing no one could take from her.

"I know what Randy said to you, and I'm so sorry," John said softly as he let his hand rub Alaina's lower back lightly. "He was totally out of line and I told him as much.  
"You didn't fight did you?"

John looked down to see Alaina's eyes filled with concern. He smiled and rubbed his hand over her cheek.

"I set him straight," John answered. "Before you say anything else Al he was completely wrong and he needed to know that."

Alaina sighed and leaned against John's chest once more. His quiet, determined tone of voice told her more than his words ever could. Nothing was going to change John's mind, there was no use trying.

She didn't want to change John's mind about Randy though. She knew that the way Randy had approached her was wrong and the assumptions about her character were not only beyond wrong but hurtful and insulting. But she had long since accepted that through all of it Randy, in a way, was right.

"He wasn't totally wrong Johnny boy," Alaina whispered against his chest. She needed to tell John what she had been thinking and feeling. Not daring to lift her eyes for fear that she would falter under his piercing gaze; Alaina took a deep breath and continued on.

"He had some valid points. We're both leaning on each other for so much."

"I don't know what is wrong with that."

"I'm no good for you John. I'm tired and torn. You need someone that can give you all of them."

"Al I don't understand-"

"I think that I'm falling for you John. I don't know what I'm feeling really except that I'm so happy and alive when I'm with you. I'm leaving tomorrow and I don't want to play games with you. I don't want either of us to fall apart when I leave. It's what Randy was afraid would happen; it's what I'm afraid will happen tomorrow."

John could think of nothing else to do besides pull Alaina closer and revel in the feel of her pressed up against him.

"Al," John spoke only as the song ended. "You should know me well enough to know that I don't think too much about tomorrows and the future. It's not my style, not who I am.

"I meant what I said when I told you that I love you. Because I honestly and truly love you. You are one of the best people I have ever been privileged to get to know. I love everything about you. How far that love goes I'm not sure. But I know I'm not going to ruin our last night together by over thinking it.

"I might be falling for you too Al. You know what though? That's alright. Because this is all we get. One chance, one moment, one night to make a memory for a lifetime.

"I'm not interested in what other people have to say or how I'll feel in a week. I'm interested in here and now. If we're falling for each other then let's fall. Don't think about it or worry. Let's be here in this moment and fall for each other with no reservations, no hesitations; at least for tonight."

Alaina stood shocked and happy. John had a way of always telling her the right things to calm her fears. There was nothing else to do bit agree with him. Nothing would cloud her mind or attraction to John as she reached up on her toes and kissed John for the first time.

* * *

**I know it's been a while since I've updated but I just couldn't seem to get this chapter to flow and work the way I truly wanted it to. Still not fully satisfied with it I put it up anyway... let me know what you think :)**

**And as always enjoy!**


	12. Homecoming

Alaina wiped a few stray tears from her eyes as she took her seat on the plane; silently cursing herself for being so foolish and hopeless.

This was the reason why she had told herself that the whole trip would only be work, only business; at least that why it _should _have been that way. Instead she let John get to her, let him in beyond every barrier that she had so justly and skillfully created. And instead of sitting on the plane and enjoying the wonderful blue sky and white clouds that seemed to contradict every bit of her mood; she was holding back tears, relishing in the feel of John's lips on hers before she boarded the plane. Holding on to the wonderful soft feeling of his lips, the way he so softly and gently kept her pressed against him as if he had full authority over her mind and body. Alaina was slowly starting to fall apart. Life without her Johnny boy had officially begun; and she did not like it at all.

"The first time without your sweetheart?"

Alaina jumped slightly at the strange voice that had invaded her thoughts. She turned to see a warm friendly face of an older woman.

"Something like that," Alaina answered with a small smile. Putting her fingers to her lips to try and keep the soft tingling sensation, still dancing on her lips, from leaving. "I just didn't think it would be so hard. I mean I knew that I'd miss her company but I didn't think I would miss him—all of him," Alaina finally admitted to the woman. "I don't even know if that makes sense really."

"Perfect sense honey. So why isn't your sweetheart with you?"

Alaina sighed and stared out the window. Why did it have to be so gorgeous outside when she felt so miserable?

"He travels a lot for business. His life is on the road, mine is in an office," Alaina shrugged trying to downplay all the turmoil that was going on inside of her.

Truth be told she could have stayed longer. Richard wasn't fully ready to get back to work; they were bringing in another temporary replacement until he was. She could have easily told all the bosses that she would stay when they asked if she was going to go back to the office as scheduled, or stay on the road a bit longer. It was also all too easy to fall in love with John. To sit and watch him sleep as she had done on a few nights. It was too easy to become weak and vulnerable around him; and as much as she loved being with John she was too frightened to open up so much, so quickly.

"We had to get back to our lives," Alaina said stating the simple truth.

"So he's a big business man is he?"

Alaina laughed at the very idea of John in a suit every day, all day and shook her head. "No not at all. I think he'd go crazy in a job like that. He's an entertainer."

"Oh, he's a big shot in the spotlight and you- "

"I'm a nobody," Alaina finished. "I lead the simple life and he's in the fast lane."

"You aren't a nobody if someone cares for you. And if your boy is as broken as you are then you have someone who cares for you very much, regardless of where you live your life."

Alaina sighed and leaned her head back on the chair. So much was going on inside of her and she was not sure how to handle any of it. Part of her wanted to cry in John's arms and vow to never leave him, and the other part needed some distance. She needed to figure out life on her own, figure out where her marriage stood. She couldn't commit to John when she was still tied up with her husband, even if he had walked out months ago. No, John deserved better than that, _needed _better than that. She had done the right thing. She would get over all the barriers between her and her husband and figure out where things stood; Then and only then could she think about John.

Alaina was doing the best thing she could by walking away—at least for the time being. John deserved better than her, better than what she could give to him. She was doing the best for the both of them.

It was all she repeated in her head as the older woman beside her kept chatting away. She was doing what was best for John; no matter how much everything inside of her was telling her that she was doing the wrong thing.

* * *

John took a deep breath and sat down on a waiting chair in the airport terminal as he waited for his flight. Truthfully if he kept on standing he probably would have fallen over. Watching Alaina walk through the doors to get onto her plane started to make him weak at the knees.

The idea of her leaving was hard enough to think about, but actually seeing her leave; the realization that there would be no more movie nights in their hotel rooms, no more holding her till she slept; that Alaina Vasquez had truly left him was becoming an overpowering sadness. All of John's senses were over taken by thoughts of Alaina. Especially since the feeling of their goodbye kiss was still on his mind, and tingling his lips.

The presence of a person next to John did little to faze him. John was in no mood to talk to anyone and hear that he should have kept his distance from Alaina. Nothing could change his mind that she was the best thing to happen to him at that time. She was sweet and gentle, and she gave him everything that he needed without ever having to ask for it.

"I'm sorry man," Randy stayed quiet until John finally turned his head to meet Randy's saddened gaze.

Nothing would have pleased Randy more than to pin the entire argument between him and John solely on John's shoulders. To simply sit back and wait until John wanted to apologize to him and admit that he had taken the whole conversation with Alaina out of context and over reacted. But the problem was that he had watched the two say goodbye. He had watched John nearly fall over after seeing Alaina board her plane. He had watched every gentle gesture that John had made as Alaina leaned against his chest trying to memorize everything about him.

Randy had witnessed the two together without prejudice or assumption. And in that moment he realized that he had been all together wrong about Alaina. He was afraid to lose John and the friendship they had together. And being Randy, he had let his own selfish desires take over any rational thoughts when it came to Alaina.

"I don't know what to do," John said quietly as he dropped his head once more.

"I wish that I could help you out man, but you know me. I don't get too attached. Only to Sam, and she isn't going anywhere. But this, I don't know anything about this."

John nodded and stayed quiet. For once Randy was right. There was nothing that Randy could say to him to make him feel any better. And he was grateful that instead of saying something superfluous, he had decided to stay quiet through all of it.

"I just didn't think that it would hurt me this hard, ya' know? I mean we hung out and we had fun, and I knew, _I knew, _that it would be ending. I kept telling myself that I would keep my distance, I wouldn't fall for her. I was keeping that promise to myself too until last night."

"Last night?"

"She told me that she was falling in love with me. Or at least that she might be. And everything in me just wanted to scream out to her that I wanted her to stay with me, that I would get her a permanent job as my road agent. I wanted to just drag her into bed with me and take her. Spend all night with her, and show exactly what I feel for her."

"And instead you walked her to her door, gave her a sweet kiss and walked away?" Randy asked, slightly disbelieving that his friend had not given into every one of those impulses. When it came to how Alaina looked, although Randy was engaged he wasn't dead. And even at four feet ten Alaina brought out an almost primal instinct in Randy to conquer her and have one night of pleasure. He had yet to figure it out. Maybe it was the way that her deep brown eyes seemed to read your soul, your very essence, or the smile that seemed to take over her face and light up her already amazingly beautiful face. The way that her cheeks bones raised to meet her eyes- those eyes that sparkled almost all the time. Maybe it was all of that combined that made Randy find Alaina appealing and incredibly sexy.

Either way, Randy was shocked that John could look at her face, at her wonderfully curvy body and not have one night with her.

John laughed a hard, sardonic laugh. "Not quite so innocent but something like that. She was laying there in my arms, and I could have had her right then. We both wanted it, we honestly did. And she just looked up at me with these tears in her eyes and I knew that I couldn't do it." John let out a loud grunt and stood up pacing in front of Randy. "She was so sad about leaving and I know that is why she was crying but something inside of me just stopped everything. This little voice in the back of my head just screamed at me, 'She has a husband that she still loves, you do this with her and she's going to regret everything.'"

"How do you know that is what would happen?"

"Because that's how I would feel. I mean, I'm no innocent angel when it comes to women and sex. I've lived my life, had my fair share and got it all out of my system after Liz and I fell apart. But this, this is a married woman, an extremely vulnerable married woman. And no matter how many times I've preyed on that and taken advantage I couldn't do it with her. I want her to remember our first time as something that changed her life, set her free from whatever has been holding her back. I don't want her to look back and say 'sorry honey but I swear he's just some guy I did once.'"

"Look man, I know you don't want to hear anything from me, and I'm the last one to give you any sort of advice, but you should have made love to her. Not had sex, made love. You should have just taken all night and let everything out. If she wanted you it was for a reason. She has a husband that walked out on her months ago. And if you would have made love to her like she wanted you to, she would have woken up in the morning knowing that you'll still be there for her once you parted ways. She could have known that there was nothing stopping you from loving her, and that would have made her fall in love with you without even realizing it." Randy watched John sit back down and saw his shoulders sag just a little more. "I know it may not be what you want to hear man, but she's in this limbo with everything, and for chicks, sex is a really big deal. You would have made her mind up that way."

"Maybe man, but she just looked so lost like she couldn't choose between me and her husband. I couldn't do it, I didn't want there to even be the slightest bit of regret with that."

Randy nodded and threw an arm around John's shoulder. "You did what you thought was right, and that's all that you could do. Come on, I'll get you a drink before we get on the plane. I know you could use one, and so could I."

"Yea," John said slightly dejected. "Thanks man, I could use a drink."

* * *

Alaina smiled at her sister as she grabbed her bags. Being home would be a good thing. Spending a few days with her family would allow her to relax and decompress. She needed to get over everything that happened between her and John.

Alaina needed to focus on what was going to happen with her marriage now that she was back home. She desperately needed to find out where things stood with her and Joe.

"Anna," Alaina called to her sister excitedly and she tried to give her a small hug while balancing her baggage.

"Hey Al, you happy to be home?" her younger sister asked. "We've missed you around home."

"I'm happier to be home than you think," Alaina answered honestly as they began walking towards her sister's car.

"When are you heading back to your apartment? I'm sure Joe is anxiously waiting for you to return."

Alaina gave a forced smile and swallowed the lump that automatically appeared at the very mention of her husband's name. _God_ she thought as she tried to control the tears that had appeared at the moment of the lump _will it never get any easier than it is now?_

"Joe moved out," Alaina finally admitted aloud. "I don't really know where we stand with each other; I just know that he isn't waiting for me."

As she had expected, Alaina and her sister walked to the car in the shocked silence that always follows news of separations and tragedies. And even though she hated the eerie quiet that followed her she was glad that there was no idle chatter. She didn't want to make small talk that didn't matter. Her heart had been shattered into pieces so small she couldn't ever imagine feeling any better. And she didn't need to fill the void that leaving John had caused inside of her with talk of things that would never matter.

"Have you told mom yet?" Anna finally asked as she watched her sister stare out of the window.

Alaina shook her head without moving her gaze from the road. "She just knows that the two of us were having some problems," Alaina said quietly. "I know how she gets, and I don't want to talk about how to make it work with Joe. He walked out on me. We tried to make it work but he couldn't do it anymore, he needed a break. I don't know when or if he's coming home. I just know that I'm tired of talking and even thinking about it."

"I'll make you a deal, if you tell me what went wrong, I won't ask you about it anymore. I know that you've probably thought about it the entire time you were on the road, but I know that you need someone to talk to about it."

Alaina turned her head and smiled at her sister. "Thank you for worrying so much Anna, but I have talked about it. I've talked about it plenty and I'm moving on from it. If Joe doesn't want to come back he doesn't have to. I'll survive it. I just don't want to talk about it right now."

"Alright, if it's too painful to talk about I won't push you. But I'll be here when you are ready to talk."

Alaina nodded and stayed quiet. Talking about her separation with Joe was not too painful for her, John saw to that. It was remembering John, remembering the talks that she had with him every night. Seeing his smiling face whenever she would crack a joke after a bout of crying over how Joe had walked out on her. Talking about Joe was honestly talking about her time with John, reliving every smile and every intimate moment they had shared together, and Alaina couldn't handle talking about John.

She touched her lips once more, willing herself to once more feel John's lips once against her own. She wasn't ready to let go of the idea of being with John. She still needed one final moment, one final kiss, just one more minute to hold him. Her arms ached to be able to hug him, touch him. She lay with him all night long; he had kissed her, long and hard. John had awakened every sensual desire inside of her only to lie next to her and sleep with her in his arms. She had wanted him, more than she had truly wanted anyone before. But before she had been able to even begin to question what she was doing John had pulled back. He had stopped running his hand up and down her leg, he had stopped kissing her like he needed the taste of her lips to stay alive.

Why did she have to tear up? Why did the thought that another man wanted her make Alaina so overwhelmingly happy that she had to start tearing? And why did she have to think about leaving him the very next day? Whatever she had done she had ruined things with John on her last night with him.

The questions plagued her mind over and over as she left her mother's house to start her drive back home. Why had John seemed so sure about wanting her as they walked into her hotel room? Why had he used only a lover's touch as he laid her on the bed and stroked her hair? Why had he stared at her with such intensity that it commanded Alaina to keep her eyes on him at the same time leaving her wishing that she could look away. Why had John done all of that only to pull away and act as if they had shared nothing mere moments before?

Had John not walked her to her terminal, and spent a half hour hugging and kissing her she would have been certain that she was never going to hear from John Cena ever again. But remembering the way that he had held her as she leaned against his chest, the way the he softly nibbled on her bottom lip when he kissed her goodbye; Alaina simply wasn't sure what John wanted to have happen between the two of them.

Placing a quick call to her mother to let her know that Alaina had indeed made it home in one piece, Alaina headed up the stairs to her apartment. Grabbing her phone once more she stared at John's number as she continued to climb the stairs. She wanted nothing more than to hear his wonderful deep voice. Simply listen to it as she crawled into bed; let him soothe her to sleep before she had to wake up and deal with the reality of being back in the apartment that had begun to make her sick any time she walked around.

But something inside Alaina held her back. Not knowing how her phone call would be received, or where John would be, an uncertainty and insecurity arose inside of her. Not being so close to John physically, she had no idea how he would be with her emotionally. And the very idea of being slighted or rejected by John in any way caused Alaina to nearly double over in pain.

Instead she opted to send him a simple text message to let him know that she had gotten back home and that she was as well as could be expected with having to leave him behind. A step that was more personal than she was getting used to being with people outside of her own family; even though it was still impersonal it was a large step for the untrusting afraid and very fragile Alaina.

The sound of pots being moved around in her kitchen made Alaina jump and drop her bags in the middle of the hallway. She had just left her entire family; there was no way that any of them could possibly be standing in her kitchen.

"I'm sorry," a low voice came from the kitchen drawing closer with every word spoken. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just didn't know what to say to you on the phone."

The voices had at once nearly floored Alaina as well as cause her heart to leap to its highest heights. She had not heard that voice for quite some time. It had crept into her subconscious tormenting her while she slept, keeping her aching at all times to have the voice and the man in touching distance once more. She had longed for so long to hear the voice and see his face again. Her joy at having that desire come true had for the moment overruled any feeling that she had for John.

"Joey," Alaina whispered smiling through the cascade of tears coming down her face.

"Ally-gator," Joe whispered just as softly, laughing when her eyes rolled.

"I hate that name Joe."

"I know baby girl, but I'm home."

Alaina nodded and threw herself into his arms.

"I'm home, really home. I'm back, I came back for you. I love you so much," Joe whispered as he hugged his wife and ran his hands through her thick hair.

He had thought that time apart would make his pain easier. Things would somehow seem different if he didn't have to wake up every morning and see the pain written all over his wife's face. If he could simply take a break from the pain he could move on. Only it never happened. Time and space had not served to help either of his problems. Instead he worried about his wife all the more. And as far as the baby that he never got to know; all he could think was that it was time to try and have another. Maybe this time he would root for a girl, one that looked exactly like his gorgeous Alaina. His amazing wife that he had come home to, hoping that things would be the same as they were before it had all gone wrong. Hoping that Alaina had not changed as much as he had during their separation, and praying that all of it would somehow seem to work out.

Their separation, Alaina's time on the road, all the bottled up feelings for John; it all would wait until morning. It would all wait until the sun rose and shined down on the turmoil that had become Alaina's life. For tonight her husband was finally back home and she would spend the night wrapped in his arms, wrapped in her joy that she could set things right with the man that had stolen her heart nearly a decade earlier.

* * *

**So here it is, the latest chapter that I finally got finished late at night all hocked up on Reese's Pieces left over from halloween and over tired from running around with my tribe of kids all day :) But it's all good and I'm rambling... so on to the good stuff.**

**First I just want to say thank you for the extremely kind reviews from last chapter. I'm glad that you all like and I hope that I can catch many more people's attention and do justice to the thoughts that run around in my head. And now secondly it's coming down to the home stretch here there are only a few more chapters left in this story so as always I hope you have enjoyed what you read. And let me know what you thought whether you love it or hate it :) **


	13. The Morning After

John threw curses into the dark of his hotel room as he heard his phone beep once more. Why had he ever turned on the reminder function for messages on his phone? It was constantly going off, and now when all he wanted to do was sleep he was fumbling around in the dark trying to find the object of all his hatred.

He cursed even louder as he tripped over his sneakers and landed on the ground in an unceremonious heap. This is why he needed all the sleep he could get with his hectic schedule. If he did not sleep he would wind up tripping over his own feet and have problems getting through the show for the night. He shook his head and pulled himself off the floor rubbing his knees.

"Gonna be bruised now, just great," he mumbled to himself as his phone beeped at him one more time. It seemed as if it was almost taunting him, torturing him slowly. Telling him that he would get no sleep tonight no matter how hard he may try. It was reminding him that he had lain in bed for three hours before closing his eyes and finally beginning to fall asleep until the hideous device known as his phone startled him back awake.

"The minute I find you is the minute that I'm going to throw you against the wall and watch in satisfaction as you smash into pieces," he growled as he neared his jeans. Hopefully his phone would be in there. He needed to lie down and try to sleep again. No matter how hard it seemed to forget the aching pain in his chest that had been there since Alaina boarded her plane.

"There you are," John said as he grabbed his phone and checked to see what exactly had this thing beeping constantly for at least the last half hour.

His heart leapt in his chest as he saw that the message was from Alaina. He wasn't sure why she hadn't just called him. What he wouldn't give at this point to just hear her

voice float through the phone. But that didn't matter. She had messaged him, she was thinking about him. And best of all she knew that he would be worrying about her. He smiled as he read through her simple and sweet message. It was just like Alaina to make sure that everything was fine over by him. She wanted to make sure that he had gotten in ok and that he wasn't worrying about her. She was home and safe.

John sighed at the thought of her being home, without him as he sat in a hotel room hundreds of miles away. He wanted her to be down the hall. He wanted to be able to walk to her room and sit on her bed and watch her sleep until he drifted off to sleep. He was not ready to let go of everything that they had established while she was travelling with him. John wanted it all to stay the same. He wanted to be there, in front of her, to make sure that she was happy. With her back home he wasn't sure if she was happy. She may be safe and sound back home relaxing from the grueling road trip she was just on but was she happy? Would she laugh and throw her head back without any restraint like she had with John? Would someone hold her through her sad spells and wait until she was able to joke once more? Who would be there to take care of his selfless loving Alaina?

John lay back on his bed and closed his eyes, his phone still in his hand. He would have to wait until morning before he gave into all of his thoughts and worries. Right now he needed sleep to concentrate on his job. It was the one solace he had left in his life.

Alaina stared at the ceiling in her bedroom as she felt her husband's arm wrap a little tighter around her waist. She should be happy, she should be snuggling against his chest and take his scent. Instead she thought of John. The feel of his body and his arms around her when he hugged her close, his scent seemed to be trapped in her nostrils. And even though Alaina felt something near happy that her husband was home, all she could see was John's face and his gorgeous blue eyes.

Sighing, Alaina slipped out of bed and checked the time. It was nearly seven, time for John to get up and start his day. She had planned his schedule out for the rest of the week she knew it by heart. Grabbing her phone she headed to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. She was so confused by what she was feeling, but she knew that she most definitely wanted to hear John's deep voice.

Before she could talk herself out of it Alaina flipped through her contact list until she came to John's number and pressed send. He would be furious at having her wake him up so early. But that was the nature of his job. One last media frenzy before the hall of fame ceremony. Forty eight hours until Wrestlemania was almost over. She would love to be there, but she would be watching from her living room, rooting for John as if nothing had happened between them, simply as if she were more partial to him since he was her temporary boss.

Alaina smiled to herself when John finally answered and mumbled a sort of hello in a deep sleep filled voice. This was typical John; this was the John that she wanted to spend more and more time with. Hearing him the same, even a few hours after they parted ways, gave Alaina some assurance that he just would not change.

"Time to wake up Johnny boy, I know you're sleeping through the wakeup call the hotel is trying to place to you," Alaina said brightly imaging John in her mind's eye rubbing his eyes and trying to focus on where he was and what day it was.

"Still with that Johnny boy crap huh?" he asked gruffly. He grunted as he sat up and swung his feet over the side of the bed. "I could have answered that wakeup call ya know."

"But you didn't now did you?" Alaina asked brightly. "It's the last day for the media frenzy just get through today and you'll be at the pinnacle of sports entertainments pay per views. You'll be showcasing the biggest event of the year and you'll do great."

"Now how come hotels don't wake you up that way? Tell you in a soft beautiful voice that you are going to be doing one of the greatest things ever in a day and it'll be amazing? If I could have a wakeup call like that every day that I would definitely start to be a morning person."

"No you wouldn't," Alaina laughed and shook her head. "You'll never be a morning person."

"I would at least try to be," John said standing up and making his way to the bathroom. "So why are you up so early? I thought you had the day off."

Alaina sighed and stayed quiet while she thought of the best way to answer his question. Everything in her screamed to tell John that Joe had come back. She wanted to tell John that even though Joe was lying in bed at that very moment that all she could think about was John. Something inside of her chest kept constricting leaving her short of breath whenever she thought of John. She hadn't been able to sleep because of the fact that she felt as if she were almost cheating on John in some way. She wanted John to know that Joe was back, and yet it didn't matter to her. What mattered now was John. Waking up to his deep voice, looking into his blue eyes; if only she could tell John that she was thoroughly confused on how she was feeling.

Instead Alaina took a deep breath and leaned on the counter in her kitchen and held back on telling John what she was feeling.

"I guess I'm just getting adjusted to not having to be on the go almost all the time because of your schedule Mr. Big shot," Alaina said laughingly trying to hide the tears that wanted to spring to her eyes simply from thinking about John.

John dropped his head and shut his eyes. Something was wrong with Alaina, he could tell. She was trying to be strong and not bother him with her feelings once again. But he knew her better than she had yet to admit. He could hear in her voice the slight bit of detachment from the laugh she was forcing. And he could envision her half smile, trying to be happy and play off whatever had caused her to be upset. He shook his head and sighed into the phone. _When will she learn to just trust me?_

"Al I know something is wrong," John said softly into the phone. If there was one thing that he had learned and was still working on, it was how to approach a sensitive topic with Alaina. If done the wrong way she would either close up completely or bite his head off.

"I can hear it in your voice. Did you get to sleep at all?" John asked knowing that the answer would probably be no.

"I fell asleep for a few hours. I was just having trouble unwinding after all the travel. I mean my body was tired but my mind just couldn't- "  
"I miss you too baby," John found himself saying before he had even registered that the words were rattling around in his brain. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything," John said quickly. Not that what he had said was not true because it was. He simply didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. All John had left of Alaina was hearing her voice on the phone. He couldn't possibly hold on to that if he made her uncomfortable or upset.

"No it's fine. I miss you too," Alaina admitted shyly. "I kept wondering how I would feel going back to my office after this—without you."

John's heart began to race and beat slower all at the same time. He was happy and sad all at once. Alaina's departure had left John with a gaping void inside of him but hearing her voice was bringing him more satisfaction than any phone conversation ever had.

Alaina jumped at the sound of footprints in the hallway that were heading toward the kitchen. The last thing she needed was to get caught up in a deep meaningful conversation with John when she needed to sit down and resolve things with Joe.

"Johnny boy I have to go. I have things that need to be taken care of today. And you're awake so I did what I wanted when I called you."

"Will you call me a little later on? I know that there is a lot going on tonight and tomorrow but I need you to talk me through it. I count on you Al."

Alaina gave a giggle; it was very rare to hear John so open about his emotions.

"I'll call you after the hall of fame ceremony is over. Then you can give me a time that would be good for me to call you before or after your match of course."

John let out the breath that he had been holding in since he had asked his question. "Thank you so much Al. Then I'll let you go now that you've promised to call."

Alaina let out a laugh. "Hey Johnny be good to the new person. They may not be as good as I am at reading your every mood and need. Don't go bothering them at two in the morning like you did to me."

John laughed as he started the shower. "It'll all decide on what the first impression is when I meet them. See you made such a first impression that I just had to bug you until you let me be your friend."

"Just be nice and behave. If they have any questions on how to handle you have them call me don't bother Richard or anyone else. You can get difficult."

"I am not difficult, but if they get out of hand and start harassing me then I'll definitely let you know."

Alaina turned around to find Joe watching her with a look of confusion on his face as he sat at the table and watched her finish off her conversation.

"Alright Johnny boy I'll check in later," Alaina promised once more before hanging up the phone.

"Who was that on the phone?"

Alaina smiled at her husband as if nothing in the world made her happier than seeing him back home with her. "Just something that I had to do for work, nothing important at all," she lied as she placed a mug in front of him.

"So are you free today? I took the day off to make sure that you and I could talk. I know that we have a lot that we need to work out. And I know you must be furious at how I handled things."

Alaina shook her head as she lowered herself into the chair next to Joe. "I'm not furious or even upset. I was hurt; extremely hurt but I know why you had to do it."

"But I shouldn't have just up a left you like I did. I regret ever handling things the way that I did."

"It was not the way to handle things at all but I know that what you did what needed to be done so I can't really hold a grudge."

"Ally-gator what happens now?"

Alaina looked up hoping that the surprise and doubt were not showing in her eyes as much as she was feeling inside of herself.

"I really don't know," she answered trying her best to look anywhere but Joe's eyes.

Just like John Joe could read her every emotion off of the slightest tone in her voice or glint in her eye. She didn't want him to read the despair that she felt. She felt so loyal to the man next to her. They had given nearly a decade to each other, making each other happy. How could she walk away from that simply because another man had given her butterflies and taken her breath away? But was that all that John had done for her? Hadn't he made her feel more than those simple things? He was the reason that she had begun feeling again period.

"It may not work, but I at least want to try to get past this. We were so good together; we were great together in fact. I just know that if you give us another chance that we can be that again. I came home because I thought that I could out run all the pain and all the demons that were haunting me since we lost the baby; but I can't do that. I have tried for months and nothing has worked. I need to see if things work out for us."

Alaina dropped her head and tried in vain to stop the tears that were falling from her face. She knew why Joe had left her, but it would never ease the sting of rejection or pain of abandonment in her darkest hour. They could skate around the issue all that they wanted to but the truth was that in the eleventh hour Joe had bailed out on her. Was that the type of man he always would be? Would that be the type of husband that she could expect from him?

"Please Ally let me come home, let's work this out. I'll do all that I can to make things better between us. What do you say baby girl? Can we make this all better?"

Alaina stared into her cup of tea trying so very hard to find something else to talk about. Another way to change the topic. How could she possibly answer the question when all she saw when she closed her eyes was John's startling blue eyes and dimpled cheeks?

"Well I- "

Alaina was spared the hard job of trying to find a way to stall answering the question as her phone rudely interrupted the emotional moment the couple was sharing.

"I should get that," she answered sheepishly. "Work has been sort of upside down lately and they need me to be on call."

Alaina moved away from the table and grabbed her phone before Joe could send her any type of disapproving looks. What she didn't tell Joe was that the ringtone that had pierced through the tension of the air was a unique ring tone; one set specifically for John Cena.


	14. Here We Are Again

How Alaina was up watching the sunrise after working a near twelve hour day and spending time with her mother, she wasn't quite sure. All she knew was that as exhausted as her body was, her mind would simply not let her sleep.

Too many thoughts of John, of Joe, how things were too complicated for her to see through all of her confusion; but what kept her up most at night was knowing that even though Joe had come back to her and he was lying next to her at night, she simply was not happy.

It was a harsh, painful truth that she was having trouble coming to terms with. Joe was the reason that she had never truly pursued any type of relationship with John. Joe was the man that she had vowed and pledged to love forever. But Joe was also the reason that she cried herself to sleep at night. He left her the moment that things became a little too hard for him to handle. She had never believed that he would be capable of such a thing until she saw his broad back holding a suitcase walking towards his car and planning to walk out of her life.

Even still though, she loved him, she needed him. The plan of growing old together was still burned into Alaina's mind. No matter how much wrong Joe had done he still had a large hold on her heart.

So how was it possible that she wasn't happy with her life now? Joe had agreed to marriage counseling and just about anything else Alaina thought would help them work out their problems. He was honestly trying to make her happy, to try and fix the problems that he had caused, and she loved him all the more for it. So why was it John who could only illicit any true feeling out of her?

He was guaranteed to be asleep, he was just getting back to his lighter normal schedule and he was taking full advantage of being able to sleep more than a few hours a night. But Alaina could not help herself from calling his phone, even if just to listen to his voicemail. She needed his voice, his comfort. She needed to feel something other than the stinging numbness that was slowly taking over her.

"Hey Johnny boy, I don't know what time it is, only that I can see the sun start to peek up over the horizon. I couldn't sleep and I didn't know who else to call. I don't know what I'm doing here and I feel so—" Alaina stopped herself from ranting about all the confusion she was experiencing and she sniffed back the tears that wanted to fall from her eyes. "I don't know what's wrong with me, or why I called you really. I just feel—lost. And I miss you Johnny boy. Send me a message when you can. Tell me how you hate your new assistant, about the newest woman you've added to your list of conquests; anything to let me know you're still around."

Alaina sighed and hung up the phone. She looked around her apartment and tucked her legs under her arms trying desperately not to let the loneliness consume her. She loved her husband, but she wasn't sure if she was in love with him anymore. She wasn't sure if the hurt that he had caused her would ever truly go away. Most of all though, she wasn't sure if she would ever be able to open up to him again; her trust in Joe was broken and she didn't know if he could ever truly earn it back from her.

"Ally?" Alaina looked up at the soft toned voice and saw her husband standing in the doorway to the living room with a worried look on his face. "This is like the third night this week that you've been awake almost all night. What's going on with you? Is there anything bothering you?"

Alaina looked up at Joe's concerned face and felt her heart break even more. Standing before her was a man who truly loved her and cared about her. He wanted nothing more than to make sure that she was happy. And all that she could think about was when was the next time that she could see John again, or talk to John on the phone. When would she be able to get her small dose of comfort from him? Alaina wanted to love Joe, wanted to keep her marriage together with everything inside of her but she was dead inside whenever she stared into Joe's light brown eyes.

"I just can't seem to sleep lately. Just suffering from a little case of insomnia."

"It's from all that travelling you did. You went all over the country in only a few weeks. It's not a surprise that you can't get your internal clock straightened out."

Alaina nodded and looked down at her knees. Her husband cared about her so much, how could she leave him? Would the butterfly sensation in the pit of her stomach make up for the years of loyalty and love that Alaina and Joe shared? Would John be able to love her in the way Joe had? Better than Joe had? Would simple butterflies turn into more if she let it? Could a few months of intimate conversation hold up to years of love, memories and knowledge of every last quirk and pet peeve?

"Hey what are you thinking about Ally-gator?"

Alaina jumped at the sound of Joe's voice right next to her. "I'm not thinking about anything really, just staring into space. Not sleeping has made me a little spacey I guess." Her heart sank as she lied to him, and guilt took over her as she realized how easy it was becoming.

"Ok, well you still have a few hours before you have to be at work so why don't you come to bed and try to get a few more hours of sleep?"

Alaina shook her head and stared out the living room window. "I don't think I'll be able to sleep even if I really tried. You head on back I'm just going to relax out here for a bit and then take a nice long shower."

"Are you sure that you don't want me to stay up with you until you fall back asleep?"

Alaina smiled her first genuine smile in days as she looked up at Joe's face full of concern and love. The man would do anything for her. One mistake couldn't possible ruin their whole relationship, could it?

"No Joey, you go on to bed. No point in you staying up when there's no need to. Besides you'll be travelling for awhile, you need the extra sleep if you're going to make it through the next week or so."

"What about you?"

"Me? I'm doing great, and I'll be just fine. You have no need to worry about me."

Joe placed a soft endearing kiss on the top of Alaina's head and stood up. He knew that something wasn't quite right with her. She had changed since he had walked away from her. How could he expect her not to? He had done something terrible to her, something life altering. She would forever more be someone different, and look at him differently. That wasn't what bothered him though. Her eyes had gone dim. She used to look at him and he could see her love for him. That wasn't there anymore. None of the changes she went through would matter if only he could see the love in her eyes once more.

"Alright I'm going to get a few more hours. Are you sure everything is fine with you?" Joe watched Alaina as she nodded her head slowly. No not everything was alright with her, but she would be damned if she would show him or tell him that. "I hope that it is. You know that I love you right? I mean honestly and truly love you with everything that I am."

Alaina's head snapped up at the heart broken tone coming from her husband. This wasn't Joe. Joe was the strong silent type, the one who would never let you know that he was dying inside from the whole situation, no matter how badly it may be needed. She could see the faint glimmer of the tears sitting in Joe's eyes and she couldn't bother to control the freely flowing tears. She loved the man standing a few feet from her. John would understand that her heart was still here, in this apartment, with this man, he was a wonderful man. John could understand just about anything that had to do with Alaina.

"I know Joey, I love you too," Alaina gave her best smile and didn't bother to hide the tears. Her life was too much to handle without a few tears every now and again.

Even as Joe gave her a smile and walked back to the bedroom Alaina felt empty inside. Everything was numb. The only thing that she could feel while she was around Joe was guilt, or pain, and most of the time utter confusion. Nothing sparked inside of Alaina when she looked at Joe, or when he touched her. She loved him—so why was she so dead inside?

Would it be better to leave Joe? Could she just sit with John and confess everything that she was feeling? She wasn't even sure that John felt the same way that she did. Rarely did a day pass that they didn't catch each other on the phone or with a few text messages, but did John want her? After all, when he had his chance before, he was the one that had pulled back from her. Still Joe would understand that there was too much pain to get over and she wanted a new life with John.

The only problem that stood in Alaina's way was which one she wanted, and more importantly needed.

* * *

John nearly through the hotel alarm clock against the wall as its offensive noise kept persisting on putting an end to the few hours of sleep he had managed to force himself into. It had been a few weeks since Alaina left. They had talked nearly every day but he knew that she was holding back from him. Something was being left unsaid on purpose. And no matter how hard John tried to figure it out or get an answer from Alaina she would artfully evade his questions and turn the conversation in a completely new direction.

He knew that the distance would prove to be a strain on their friendship but John had never figured that it would put a stop to the small romantic relationship that they were beginning to build before she left the road.

There was no news of Joe, no mention of him what so ever. And John was having a hard time deciding if that was a good or bad thing. Alaina was not John's in any sense of the word, yet he held a fierce protective manner towards her. Nothing could stop him from loving her at this point. But knowing that Joe could come back at any moment, and knowing that Alaina was incredibly loyal—it all added up to Alaina and Joe living happily ever after with John heartbroken and alone.

John ran a hand over his head as he sat up and began to get ready for the long ahead of him. Every day seemed so much longer since Alaina was not around anymore. He couldn't count the number of times that he wanted to simply call her cell phone and tell her how much the pretentious, arrogant assistant that Vince had chosen for him was grating his last nerves. He needed someone more down to earth and relaxed. Not someone who had decided that it would be ok to try and micro manage every last portion of his day. He was lucky that this man didn't sit around and schedule bathroom breaks. Although it was something John could imagine; having to wait until the schedule allotted fifteen minutes to head to a bathroom.

He shook his head of his ridiculous thoughts and walked over to the shower. No matter what he thought of Tony, his new assistant, there was nothing that he could do about him. Vince had qualified him the best to offset John's relaxed nature about paperwork and keeping schedules in order.

Still if only there was some way that he could have Alaina or Richard back. He missed those two. They were wonderful for him. Richard had kept him amazingly organized, and Alaina had kept him organized, energized, and happy through the craziest few weeks of his life. Why couldn't he have those two back?

John was so busy sulking as he dressed for the day that it wasn't until he was in the car driving to his first activity of the day that he realized his phone was beeping continuously in his pocket.

By the time the end of Alaina's message had played John knew what he had to do. There was no way that he was doing anything else other than getting on a plane and getting over to Alaina. Her voice was broken, and there was more spoken to him in those few words than she had been willing to tell him over the last three weeks that they had been apart.

"Tony, get Vince on the phone and tell him that I'm taking the next two days off, family emergency," John said the minute the voicemail ended.

"I don't think that, that would be the smartest thing to do. You've got autograph signings and you're supposed to be a major part in the house shows. It's better that you get through the next few days until your scheduled break."

John sat back and closed his eyes as he tried to keep himself from leaping across the seat and ripping out that man's throat. House shows didn't matter and the one signing that he had today could be rescheduled for later in the week. Wrestlers had lives too; lives that sometimes needed to come before all the work that they had to do.

"Alright listen up you pretentious little peon, you don't ever tell me what to do, hear me? I've managed my life pretty well this far and I will do as I please; with or without your help. Now let's try this one more time. Get Vince on the phone and tell him that I am going to take the next two days off. He owes me plenty; tell him I'm calling in a favor."

If the low dangerous tone that John had taken didn't scare off his "assistant" then the flames that he was sure were shooting out of his would convey his message. Do as he said or get a large beat down. It was all that simple in John's mind right now.

* * *

Alaina stood outside and waved as Joe got into a cab. A few days to herself would be exactly what she would need to get her feelings in order. Life wasn't always perfect. Sometimes you needed to make sacrifices to make sure that the right decisions would be made. And right now Alaina had to sacrifice the excitement and the butterflies in her stomach with John to make sure that she was giving things with Joe a fair shot.

Whether or not things would work out that way she didn't really know, but she knew that she owed it to Joe to try her hardest at making it all work out.

The only thing that could be more needed than sitting home alone to think through all of her feelings would be the presence of John and his wonderful calm demeanor that could calm her through anything.

"What are you thinking about baby?"

Alaina's heart leapt in her chest the minute that she heard the deep voice of John from somewhere behind her. He wasn't really there, she simply needed him so bad that she had imagined his voice. She was now resorting to delusions she missed John so much. He had yet to call her back after she had her slight breakdown this morning. She needed to talk to him that was why she was hearing his voice.

"Are you ever going to turn around or am I going to spend the next two days staring at your back?"

Alaina shook her head and suppressed the smile that was playing on her lips. Standing in front of her apartment building smiling and talking to herself was not the way to win over her neighbors.

"There's no reason to turn around because you aren't really there. You are supposed to be working and the John Cena I know would never skip out on work. He's addicted to his life; nothing can get in the way of that."

"Al, turn around baby," John said softly placing his hand softly on her waist.

Alaina turned around and smiled as tears fell from her eyes. John was truly there standing in front of her smiling and hugging her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked once her voice seemed to find itself again.

"I listened to the voicemail that you left me. How could I not come and see you after I heard that?"

Alaina looked down ashamed at her moment of weakness. She shouldn't have called John in that state. She shouldn't be turning to John for things like that period. She had a husband, that's who she needed to turn to.

"I'm sorry about calling you, I shouldn't have done that. I just didn't know who else to call. I'm fine; you didn't need to come all the way out here."

John fixed her with an incredulous stare and broke out in a smile. "Nothing with you will change. Still trying to be the strong person that never needs any help."

Alaina smiled and shrugged. "Some things we just can't change. Come inside, I'll make some dinner and we'll catch up," Alaina took his hand and led him up the stairs to her apartment. "It isn't much compared to what you have, but I'm not in front of the camera making the big bucks. I'm just a simple lowly employee that makes the meager money."

John laughed and looked around the spacious two bedroom apartment. "It's nice, really nice. I'm more concerned with the size of my garage, not my house entirely."

Alaina laughed and led John to the couch. Nothing felt more right than snuggling into John's side and chatting about nothing important.

"I was so worried that you wouldn't be home when I showed up. You've been telling me the long days you've been putting in lately," John said after the two finished talking about the parts of their lives they hadn't put in messages or phone conversation.

"I took a half day today to—" Alaina stopped short of telling John exactly why she had. She still had not told him that Joe was back home with her, and springing it on him didn't seem right to her.

"To what?"

Alaina looked over at John to see a slightly worried expression on his face. She knew he was concerned about her. But what was worse was John knew for sure that she was keeping something from him.

"We'll talk about it later," Alaina said standing up and walking into the kitchen.

She had to tell John sooner or later but she couldn't seem to make the words come out of her mouth. The only thing that she knew how to do when she was nervous was to start cooking. It was a good thing that John was a large man with an equally large appetite because the way that Alaina was feeling, nothing short of a five course feast was going to come out of the kitchen.

"Al," John spoke quietly and cautiously as he entered the kitchen. Something had Alaina bothered, seriously bothered. What worried John was why she didn't want to tell John about it. "I don't know what's going on but I know that you can tell me."

Alaina nodded and swallowed her tears. "I know that I can Johnny boy."

"So then talk to me sweetie."

"I will when there's time. Right now I'm busy cooking. You need to eat, you've been travelling all day long. I doubt that the airplane food was enough to feed you. I mean look at how big you are. The little meals that they serve won't even dent that appetite, I know how you eat. I mean I've seen it firsthand you—"

John walked up behind Alaina and turned around to face him. She could ramble on for hours when she got nervous or excited. If he didn't stop her all he would hear about would be how much he ate, and then she ate, and soon enough the eating habits of her entire family.

John stared into Alaina's eyes and read the answer before he could pry the answer out of her.

"Joe's back," he said quietly and holding Alaina to her spot. He saw her nod slightly and let out a long breath. "You going to stay with him?"

With the next nod John looked around and found a chair to sink into. His worst fear had been realized and he didn't know what to do about it.

"John please, please try and understand," Alaina said pleadingly as she squatted in front of John. "He's been so good to me for so long. I owe it to him to—"

John stood up sending the kitchen chair flying backwards. "You owe him nothing!" he yelled unable to control the volume of his voice. "He left you Alaina, walked out on you when you were at your worst. You don't owe him anything."

"John, he's my husband."

"Was he on your mind when you were lying in bed with me?"

Alaina stepped back offended and hurt that John was going to use their time against her.

"John are you really going to use that to hurt me?"

John shook his head and ran a hand over his face. "I'm not using it against you, I'm asking. I want to know Al, I really want to know. Was he on your mind your last night with me?"

Alaina stared at John's hurt and confused face. She was incredibly in love with this man standing in front of her but still tied up in a life with her husband. She needed to explain it all to John, if he didn't understand her than she was really lost with no hope of being helped.

"No Johnny boy I wasn't thinking about him. I was thinking about you, about me. I was thinking about everything that I was feeling. How good it felt to be in your arms, to be wanted by another man. I was thinking about everything that you helped me overcome, that you woke up inside of me. I was feeling again John, and it overwhelmed me in the best possible way," Alaina stepped closer to John as she finished talking. Why he wanted to know that she wasn't sure, but she knew that she couldn't lie to John any longer or hide things from him.

John kept his distance as her words began to sink into his brain. He had been wrong and Randy had been right and the realization hit him in his gut making him nauseous.

"I gotta go, I shouldn't be here. It isn't right, I don't think Joe would like me being here."

Alaina raced to John's side and laid a hand on his arm. "Don't go John, I don't want you to go. I need you to stay. You just got here."

John turned and looked at Alaina, tears in her eyes but still hopefulness lacing her voice. John loved her, there was no denying that, or the need to taste her lips once more. He had been fighting off kissing her since he saw her standing on the sidewalk. Hearing that she needed him overruled any sense of right and wrong.

"I'm going to kiss you Al, and I don't think there's anything you can do to stop me," John warned as he all but lifted Alaina off her feet and crushed her to him in a long passionate kiss.

* * *

**Alright so here it is.. they'll be two maybe three chapters left in the story and I've had a blast writing this pair. I hope that you've had a blast reading about them. **

**So as always read enoy and review if you wanna... I love reading what you all think and have to say. It's tons of fun so make my day and leave a review :)**


	15. If I Had My Way

**Ok so I don't do really do this but I just wanted to let you guys that we're coming on the home stretch, one more chapter left-- an epilogue of sorts to what has become my pet story. So here it is the start of the end. **

* * *

John sat down on the bed and looked around what Alaina had deemed the "guest room". He sighed and laid back on the mattress wondering how he had been talked into staying. Nothing about the situation seemed right and yet he was still in her apartment, still laying on the bed, still pining over a woman who had just told him that she was picking another man over him.

It was something that he just simply could not understand for anything. This man had left Alaina alone, without explanation at the hardest time in her life. Still the only thing that she seemed to be able to talk about was what she owed to him and how good he had been to her.

He knew that Alaina and Joe had a long history together and that there would be no erasing that. He just didn't fully understand why she felt like the history that she had with her husband obligated her to anything. As far as John was concerned her obligation had more than been fulfilled and their vows had already been broken when her husband abandoned her in a time of sickness.

Taking off his shirt John grabbed his phone and began making calls trying to straighten out all of his business matters for the next two days. He wanted no interruptions between him and Alaina. He couldn't leave until he knew that Alaina was making her decision for all the right reasons.

When John's phone beeped at him signaling that the battery was about to die John ended his phone call with Stephanie and looked at the clock on the night stand shocked at the time that he saw.

Sighing and shaking his head John stood up and stretched his large frame. He had just spent three hours on the phone without even realizing it. It was times like these when he hated the fact that each McMahon headed up a different department. Some days it took hours and even all day long talking to each McMahon separately getting business deals, story line angles, appearances and anything else that went along with his job, completely squared away.

Walking out of the room John went in search of Alaina. She had all but shoved him into the room and on the bed insisting that he take a nap after she had stuffed him full of a wonderful dinner. He was starting to wonder if there was anything that Alaina was bad at. It seemed that everything she set her mind to do she did exceptionally well at.

He walked into the kitchen to find Alaina standing at the counter with a mixing bowl in her hand humming quietly to herself.

John sat himself down and watched and she swayed her hips slowly back and forth to whatever song she was singing to herself.

"You can stop staring at my butt anytime you feel like it Johnny boy," Alaina said laughingly without turning around to look at him.

"Then I'll just keep on staring for a few more minutes since I'm not ready to stop," John said easily leaning back in the chair. "So what exactly are you doing at ten thirty at night in this kitchen?"

Alaina laughed and shook her head. Her comment was supposed to through him off of his little talking game. It was supposed to distract him from asking her too many questions. But once more John went easily along with the conversation not once flinching at anything she said.

Truth be told Alaina was not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. She loved men that could keep up with her and her biting sarcasm when it came out. Even though she loved that John could joke non-stop without becoming embarrassed Alaina did not need one more reason to let herself fall in love with John.

"Baking," Alaina said in an overly chipper tone. She knew that the happiness sounded false, but she needed to cover up the confusion and pain that seemed to be taking over her. "Brownies. I had a bit of a craving."

"We could have just run out somewhere and bought a few brownies instead of you going through all of the trouble of baking."

"Bite your tongue Mr. Cena. Baking them from scratch is all of the fun. Besides I can beat out any Entenmanns or Betty Crocker brownie out there."

John laughed and shook his head. He had never seen Alaina in this type of atmosphere. Completely relaxed and free to do as she pleased.

"You are skeptical I see. Well Mr. Cena, try some of this then," Alaina said walking over to him.

Offering John a finger covered in brownie mix, Alaina put her finger to his lips and waited until he opened his mouth to taste it. Alaina walked back to the counter and continued baking as John savored the taste of chocolate and calmed down the testosterone driven thoughts that had entered his mind.

"I told you Johnny boy, I can beat them out. What did you think about that?"

"I have to say that was the best mix of chocolate and finger I have ever had before. You certainly know what you are doing I gotta give you that."

"I should, I've been baking since I was old enough to be in the kitchen by myself and watching my mother do it since the day I was born. So did you have a nice nap?"

John shook his head and sighed. "I didn't even get the chance for one. I've just spent the last three hours on the phone for business purposes. My lack of a life sometimes honestly sucks."

"Johnny boy," Alaina shook her head and continued on in a disapproving tone. "I know that your life is a busy one and that you are doing your best to keep your fans happy but come on now. How can you keep doing that if you aren't going to take care of yourself? You push yourself day after day and eventually you are going to suffer the price. Your body needs rest to keep up with the things that your mind is determined to get done."

"Al I don't need one more person telling me that. I know that I need more time to myself, more time to rest. I'll have that time when I'm in a retirement home. Right now I want to live to the fullest and do everything that I can do while I'm still physically able. Besides not like Tony doesn't give me some free time here and there," John commented in a slightly agitated and disgusted tone.

Alaina laughed and bent down to put the brownies in the oven. "Any time you mention him you get this tone in your voice like he makes you nauseous. He can't honestly be that bad to deal with."

John stood from his chair and walked over to the counter, licking at the last of the batter that wasn't scraped into a pan. "This is really good, and yea he really is. Why can't I just have Richard back?"

"I talked to him the other day. He's dealing with some heavy stuff; no one is sure when he'll be back. Sorry Hun you are stuck with Tony."

John grabbed Alaina from behind and wrapped his arms around her waist. It didn't matter how small this woman was, she felt wonderful pressed against him.

"You could always come back," he whispered in her ear.

Somewhere deep down inside of him, John knew that what he was doing was very wrong. Alaina had made her choice clear, even if her reasons weren't. She wanted another chance with her husband and John should be doing nothing to ruin that. Normally he wouldn't. Married women were always off limit, but he had fallen in love with Alaina before he ever realized that she had a husband and even more so when they both thought that she would never see her husband again. He could not simply turn off all of his feelings now that she wanted Joe back.

Her scent, her soft humming, the rocking of her hips while she was baking all brought out the strong want and the need to hold her and seduce her all night long.

Without much thought and almost on instinct, Alaina leaned back into John and sighed. Everything about him felt so right to her. Even with all of his flaws he was turning out to be Alaina's perfect man. She was fighting an uphill battle to keep herself from falling even deeper in love with John. He would probably never come right out and tell her how he felt for her, but the gentle touches, the soft spoken words, the way his eyes sparkled whenever Alaina was around; there were hundreds of little ways that let her knew exactly how he felt.

"You know that I can't Johnny boy. I'm not meant to be on the road. I like my job, and I'm good at it. Besides, what would my husband say to me being gone nearly ninety percent of the year."

John shrugged and held Alaina a little tighter. He knew that the mention of her husband was supposed to deter him and throw off his train of thought but he wasn't going to let it work. John was standing in a kitchen with Alaina feeling as if this were meant to be the rest of his life. Nothing bad would be able to touch him standing here with Alaina in his arms. John was not going to let anything ruin that feeling no matter what Alaina wanted to talk about.

"I'm not worried about that Al, I'm only worried about getting you back on the road with me having some fun."

"Johnny boy we need to talk about me and—"

John shook his head as he buried his face in the crook of Alaina's neck taking in her soft flowery scent. "No," he mumbled against her skin. "We aren't talking about anything tonight. I am going to enjoy being here with you right now and that's it. I don't care about Joe, why you want him back, or any of that. I only want to think about holding you and how good you feel in my arms."

Alaina turned in John's arms and laid her head on his chest. The slow steady beating of John's heart was a large contrast to the near hummingbird pace that Alaina's heart seemed to be beating at; and it was calming to Alaina. The whole day had confused her until she had to keep busy cooking, cleaning and currently baking. Somehow though leaning into John and letting him hold her, somehow it made her feel so much more calm and in control of her life. Something about John telling her exactly how nice she felt in his arms was more than she could handle. It was just one more affirmation that John felt the same way Alaina did. Just one more reason for her to leave everything of her old life behind and try and start over again with John. And the realization that John's mere presence was so calming and exciting to her made Alaina want to kiss John and begin crying all at once.

"John," she whispered against his chest. What she wanted to say, she would never be able to say if he were looking at her as if he could see through her. "I think that I want to kiss you again John."

John bent down and whispered as softly as he could, being sure to graze her ear with his lips. "So go ahead, I've been waiting and wanting to all day."

"I have a husband that I just got back together with. Kissing you, being with you, it—it wouldn't be right."

John sighed and backed away. Nothing would stop his want of Alaina, his need to have a few stolen moments with her, but he couldn't take all the confusion anymore.

"Look Al, I know that you have this other relationship that you want to work on but I am not going to pretend that you and I don't have this amazing connection with each other. I know what I feel for you and some days it is so strong that I can't help but pick up that phone and talk to you just to hear that gorgeous voice. The catch is thought that I am _not_ going to stand here and spill out everything to you if you are just going to look at me and tell me that you are going to send me packing in two days so you can live with your husband."

"Johnny boy I know that we have that connection and I'm not trying to deny it. I'm just trying to do the right thing by everyone."

"And you and me, we aren't right? The spark that we feel when we touch each other isn't right? Finally feeling happy and alive after all these years, after all the pain and the darkness that isn't right?"

Alaina watched as the expression on John's face slowly melted from anger and frustration to pain and sadness. The ferocity of his gaze was softened by the sudden presence of tears and the thin hard set line of his lips softened and formed a small pout and frown on his face. Alaina had never felt so guilty before. She had never wanted John to feel like nothing about them was right. Because in truth everything that she felt towards John all felt right.

"No Johnny boy, it all feels right to me, more right to me than anything that I have felt in a long time. That isn't the problem. I'm just—this is my life," Alaina said motioning her hands around her apartment. "I am not meant to be on the road. I have a husband and a desk job. I want to be tied down. I was supposed to have a child. You and I are two different people."

John let out a small yell and walked out of the kitchen. Everything about Alaina was frustrating him. She was breaking his heart by denying everything that the two shared. Nothing was going to make her admit to her feelings and it was breaking him.

Walking into the guest bedroom John grabbed his bag and began repacking the few things that he had taken out after arriving. Alaina didn't need him or want him. She wanted Joe and it was no longer John's place to be there with her.

"John please don't go."

John turned to the door and saw Alaina standing there, tears in her eyes shaking her head. "I know that everything has gone wrong and I'm sorry. I'm trying to explain away what can't be explained and I shouldn't do that to you. I don't want to make excuses for anything I just—this is so hard for me."

John turned slowly back to his bag and zipped it up making sure there was nothing left for him to pack. It wasn't that he wanted to leave, because nothing would seem more pleasant to him than spending time with Alaina but there was nothing left for him here, nothing left for him to say and to do.

"I'm sorry, I just can't stay. This isn't healthy for either of us. I think its best that I go back to my life the way it was before all of this. I need to leave Alaina."

Alaina rushed into the room and grabbed John's arm trying to force him to sit on the bed. She couldn't let him leave, not with the way things were between them. Not when he couldn't look at her and called her Alaina. It so rarely came out of his mouth. It sounded foreign to her, like Alaina wasn't even her real name when it came from John's lips.

"Please John just stay. Hear me out. John please, please," Alaina cried and begged as she continued to tug on his arm. They may not work out as a couple but Alaina needed to know that John did not walk away angry. "Johnny boy, please. Stay."

John sighed and sat down on the bed next to Alaina taking her hand in his and staring at the floor.

"I'll listen," he said quietly trying to keep himself from crying. His heart had not been so twisted up and hurt since Maria.

"Thank you, thank you so much," Alaina took a deep breath and rubbed John's hand as she began to talk. "I know that this will seem weird to you and you may not understand it but I need you to understand all this and be with me on this. If you can't understand why I'm going back to Joe then I don't know who will."

John swallowed all his tears and pain, he didn't want to make any comments or ruin things between him and Alaina. She was trying to tell him everything that she was feeling and no matter how bad it might hurt him he wanted to know what she was feeling and what she was thinking. It would tear at his soul and break who he was, but he still needed to know how she felt.

"When I met you Johnny boy I was in this terrible place trying to climb my way out of it. I wasn't sure if I could ever love or trust anyone again. And then here you are, loudmouthed, joking, caring. I felt so much better with you around, but I also felt so incredibly lonely. I knew that I had three weeks with you, of fun, company, comfort. After three weeks though it would end and I would be by myself. I would be left alone with my thoughts of Joe, of what could have been with you and me, with me and Joe. And I walked in when I got back from the airport and like a god send there was Joe standing in the kitchen telling me how much he missed me, how he tried to get away from the pain of all we've been through and how it didn't work. He asked me to give him one more chance and us one more go around. Before I even realized what I was saying I was saying yes. I've never been more confused in my life between you and Joe and what I really want. But I made a promise to him five years ago to always love him and I made a promise to him two weeks ago that I would give it my all to make me and him work. I love being in your arms John but I'm not ready to let Joe go. I can't let go of the fact that Joe knows when I'm having a bad day before he hears any music, or I say anything, or that he knows how I like my quiet in the morning and at night so that I can write a little bit. Joe knows who I am and I know who he is and we love each other for that. We love each other for who we are and who we aren't. You do things to me that I never thought I could feel again but I just can't let go. You deserve someone who doesn't see two men when she looks at you and if I had it my way then I would be that woman. I am so in love with you Johnny boy but I don't know how to get on without Joe. At least not yet I don't."

John watched Alaina's face as she cried and pulled her into his arms. As much as he hated to admit to it he understood all that Alaina just said. It was why people took time dating between break ups. Anyone could understand her reasoning. Alaina needed to see it all the way through so that if it didn't work out she knew there was nothing that would have made things better.

"I understand it Al, I get it," John said softly as he rocked her back and forth until her tears calmed down.

"Will you stay? At least the night. Please? It's late and you have nowhere to go."

John wiped the tears off Alaina's face and smiled a small sad smile. "I'll stay. Besides what would I do all day tomorrow? We both have off it might be nice to have some closure."

"I have off?"

"I have connections with the big people, called in a favor and got you a day off. Don't worry, it won't cause any problems," John said quickly at the look on Alaina's face. "I just wanted uninterrupted time with you."

Alaina smiled and stood up. "Well the brownies are ready to come out of the oven. If you want any just cut yourself a piece."

John shook his head. "I think I'll just try and get that sleep that you were hounding me about."

Alaina nodded and left the room closing the door behind her. She knew the truth; John wanted space, time apart from her to digest everything that had just transpired.

John slipped under the covers and let the tears fall silently from his eyes. Big boys may not cry but heartbroken men did when they wanted to keep their sanity and fragile strength intact.

* * *

Alaina opened John's door and looked at his sleeping form. Everything about the man was gorgeous. From his full lips that seemed to pout slightly in his sleep to his large, muscular arms that seemed to hug the sheets tightly to his body. Alaina cried just a little harder looking at John and how peaceful he seemed. She had broken his heart and her heart was breaking as well but she couldn't let him know that.

Her heart was not with Joe or trying to make things right with him, her heart was there with John, but her strength was with Joe. The life she had built was centered on Joe, and leaving that behind scared her so badly she swore it would kill her. As much as she wanted to be with John she knew that she would not be able to be with anyone else until she knew how things with Joe would turn out, once and for all.

John opened his eyes as the small ray of light from the door fell on his face. He had just fallen asleep after a good round of crying and laying awake thinking over what Alaina said. He squinted his eyes trying to get them adjusted to the sudden light that assaulted his sleep filled eyes.

"Al baby is that you?" John looked at the clock on the nightstand, his confusion growing. "Baby it's four in the morning what are you doing awake?" He propped himself up on his arm and motioned for her to come inside the room. "Come in; tell me what's going with you that you're up at this hour."

Alaina shook her head and climbed in next to John. After working out for two hours till she vomited and felt beyond exhausted Alaina was still wide awake and feeling like her chest was caving in on her.

"I just need you to hold me John, one last time," Alaina said in a tear filled voice as she felt John's arms encircle her making her feel invincible one more time.

* * *

**Alright everyone I hope that you liked it. Review let me know what you think I love to hear your thoughts on it all.**


	16. You and Me Forever and Always

Alaina sat at her desk staring at the worn letter in her hands. Four months ago when she found it on her kitchen table she wasn't sure that she would ever be the same again. Even now she wasn't truly over everything. That was why she had carried the note with her anywhere that she went. The note never left her side and a day didn't go by that she didn't read it at least once.

John had left without a word, besides the note sitting in Alaina's hands. She knew why he had up and left. She knew why he couldn't stay that extra day with her. But knowing didn't stop the aching void in her chest or the tears that would come from eyes while she was alone.

Lightly fingering the note Alaina let a few tears fall once more. John had meant so much to her and he had ended all form of relationships with her in a note. She laughed lightly and shook her head. After all that John had been put through because of Alaina, she was truly surprised that she had even gotten a letter.

Alaina dropped her head and went over his words in her head.

_Al,_

_I know that this isn't how things are supposed to end. I never really thought that things would end at all but after being up almost all night I know that it has to. I'm sorry that I'm leaving you like this but I think it's all for the best. And please don't think that I am angry or hate you because nothing could be further from the truth. I love you as much now just as I did when I first walked into your hotel room and bothered you until you talked to me. I just need to get on with my life. It all started making sense to me sometime around when the sun started coming up. You have your husband and you are trying to make things work with him, and I don't think that anything could be better for you. I don't know how to do this in style otherwise I would. I just need some time, away, from you and me. We have been counting on each other for months and I don't know how life will be without you. All I know is that I have to try to do it on my own; just like you do. I hope that sometime in the future we can look at each other as friends once more. I hope that we can sit down and talk as old friends would. Until then I need my space from us to heal from everything that has happened. I can't be around you without wanting to hold you and kiss you, and it tears me up each and every time to know that I can't. I can't live life waiting on a woman who is taken; no matter how in love with you I am. You know me; I have to live life in the present and to the fullest. And I hope that now you are going to do the same in your new start with Joe. Know that my heart is staying with you and I hope that you are keeping mine with you. I wish you a good life and lots of happiness with Joe. _

_I will love you now and always. _

Alaina closed the door to her office as she let the tears fall once more. She knew that she had let John go when she had begged him to understand about Joe. A romantic relationship with John was out of the question, and she knew that. What surprised her was John effectively ending their friendship. He was right she knew. They ran to each other for everything, and it needed to end at some point. But like John, she never truly thought that it would end.

John nervously walked the hall of the creative department at the head office in Connecticut. Simply knowing that he was in the same building and area as Alaina was sending his heart into overdrive. It had been four months since he last heard her voice and still at night when he laid down he could hear her soft humming, or the quiet mumbling that she would do when she was working or trying to write a new poem.

"Are you going to go see her?"

John turned and looked at his newest in ring rival. "What exactly are you talking about Orton?"

"Don't play dumb Cena. Are you going to see Alaina or not?" Randy rolled his eyes at his long time friend. He was tired of having John deny anything that had to do with Alaina. "You should you know," he said after John refused to respond to his question.

John shook his head. "I don't think that she would want to see me. I didn't do right by her in the end. She probably hates me."

Randy chuckled at how clueless John could truly be. "She doesn't hate you man, she is still totally in love with you no matter what the two of you want to say."

"And how exactly would you know that?"

"I've been keeping tabs on her," Randy stating simply, shrugging as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"What?"

"I've—been—keeping—tabs—on—her, moron," Randy said slowly, goading John into a reaction.

"Orton how have you been keeping tabs on her and why would you be?"

"I visit her whenever I'm up this way and I do it for you. Why else would I do it? You carry that woman with you everywhere you go no matter how much you want to deny it. I know that you want her to be safe and happy, so I make sure that she is whenever we're close enough for me to do a side visit."

"Orton I didn't—how can I—I don't know what to say," John finished finally, astounded that Randy had been doing this for months without saying a word.

"Don't John there's nothing to say. We have to watch each other's backs. Besides she is one awesome chick."

John nodded and smiled. "That she is Orton, that she is."

"So are you going to visit her or not?"

"I don't—"

"Because I'm going to say hi, and you are going to come with me whether or not you like it."

John laughed. "So then why even bother asking me?"

"So you felt like you had a choice," Randy said shrugging once more.

Alaina wiped her eyes and pulled out a compact mirror taking in her appearance. Everyone at work knew that Alaina was having a hard time with her personal life and let her have a few minutes every now and again to have a cry. That didn't mean though that she had to look disheveled when she was done.

A small knock at the door brought Alaina out of her thoughts and she finished straightening out her appearance as she called for whoever was outside the door to come in.

"Hey Ally," Randy said sticking his head in the door still not opening the door to reveal John on the other side.

Alaina rolled her eyes and laughed. "Hey to you too Randall."

"God I hate that name."

"Well I hate Ally so we're even," Alaina laughed as she walked to the door to open it. It was the same way that they greeted each other every time that they got to visit. Randy was a creature of habit if nothing else. "You coming in any time today or are you just going to stand there, just a head in my doorway."

Randy sighed and looked down at the floor. He could feel John shuffling his feet nervously beside him. The reunion would be awkward at best but that didn't mean that it wasn't necessary.

"I have another person with me, I didn't want to just barge in with them. Are you up for a little company?"

Alaina smiled. "Why Randall are you actually looking out for my feelings?" Alaina laughed when Randy rolled his eyes. "Come on in and bring in whoever else you have with you."

Randy nodded and opened the door nearly shoving John into the doorway. He sighed when he saw John smile sheepishly and tears come automatically to Alaina's eyes. The two loved each other even if the timing wasn't right for the two of them.

"I'll leave you two to talk," Randy said quietly backing out of the door. His work was done, no need to stick around to see the emotional mess everything was about to become.

"Hey Al," John whispered not able to take his eyes off of her.

"Johnny boy," Alaina laughed slightly and threw herself into his arms. "Oh god Johnny boy I didn't think I would ever see you again."

John took a deep breath as his eyes naturally closed at the feel of Alaina in his arms and her scent filling her nostrils once more.

"How're ya' doing Al?" John asked breaking free from the hug. "You're looking good."

John let his eyes roam up and down her little body and she did indeed look good. It wasn't just something that he had decided to say. She seemed tanner and with her hair shorter, layered and long bangs swept off to the side of her face, John had to admit that she looked better than he had ever seen her.

"Thank you John, so do you," Alaina smiled and curtsied. "I'm doing pretty good, what about you? We haven't talked since that night. You left before I could talk to you anymore."

John nodded and looked at the floor. He had no other choice to walk out before he got sucked in too deep and was totally broken; but that didn't stop the large amount of guilt that had been building up inside of him.

"About that, I'm sorry I left the way I did. I should have given you a chance to talk to me fully about everything. I don't know why I did it that way. It's just—I saw you crying and lying there next to me and I just—I snapped. I couldn't take seeing you hurt and confused. I was so confused too. I needed to do something."

Alaina held up her hand. "You don't need to explain John, I got it then, and I get it now. You did the right thing. For both of us. How has life been treating you?"

"Good, I mean I still have my belt and I'm trying to work things out with Maria."

Alaina forced a smile and swallowed the jealousy that was making its way through her gut. "That's great, you really loved her. Well love if you two are trying to work it all out again."

John nodded. "She's a great girl and we fit together pretty well. You made me realize that I have to fix a lot of things with me, and I figured what better way to start then with that."

Alaina nodded and stayed quiet as she stared at John. She smiled at John as she started to cry. There was so much that she wanted to say to John and couldn't manage to get any of it out.

"It isn't supposed to be this hard is it?" Alaina finally asked John after what felt like an eternity of silence. "We've shared everything with each other so why now is it that we can't have a real conversation?"

"I don't really know Al baby. I mean is there a certain way to deal with this? Is there a right way to go about talking to each other again? There's so much to say and I just—I don't know what to say," John looked at Alaina's tear streaked face and looked away; around her little office trying to find something else to focus on that wouldn't break his spirit and send him crying as well.

What he found instead was a worn piece of paper sitting on Alaina's desk.

"Is that the—when I left?" He asked his eyes snapping back to Alaina searching for the truth.

Alaina nodded and wiped her eyes. "I take it everywhere with me, I don't really know why I do. Most people might get rid of the heartbreaking letters they get I just couldn't. It was the last piece of you that I had and I just couldn't let you go."

John felt tears fall from his eyes as he closed the small gap and hugged Alaina once more.

"I have missed you so much Alaina."

"I've missed you too John." Alaina hugged John close to her unwilling to let go until she felt John back up from her. "So Maria huh?"

"Yeah Maria, it just sort of happened. I started talking to her again, trying to make her see that nothing came before our relationship when I was with her and it brought back a lot of old feelings."

"How's it working out?"

"We're trying to do it a little better this time around so I'll see how things turn out. Can't ever plan too far in advance."

"Oh no, god forbid Mr. Cena here think ahead a week or two," Alaina said winking at him and heading back to her desk. "This seems fitting doesn't it?" She asked as she sat down in her chair. She laughed lightly at John's look of confusion. "This is where it started; this is where it winds up ending."

"Well if you put it that way then I guess that it is fitting," John agreed. Even though the very thought of things ending between him and Alaina sent pain through his chest John smiled and sat down in a chair studying Alaina.

He needed to know for himself that she was truly happy. He had to make sure that everything that she was saying and doing wasn't an act simply to keep him happy.

"How are you and Joe doing?" John finally asked after finding nothing in her face that would give her away one way or the other.

John noticed Alaina's smile falter slightly before she recovered and nodded her head forcing her smile to grow.

"It's been pretty tough for us both. It's not all lollipops and rainbows but we're working at it. Counseling and all that other stuff that I always said was a waste of time and money. I don't really know if it will all work or not but we're happy that we're at least trying."

"Are you really happy Al? I know that things with us right now are weird and strained and we don't know really know what we're doing but," John lowered his head and sighed. The regret at running out on Alaina was growing every moment that he sat there looking at Alaina and how happy she seemed to have John there with her. John looked and smiled. "I want you to be happy Al, honestly happy. Are you truly happy?"

Alaina sat back and looked at John. He seemed like the same person that had fought his way into her heart, and to the average person that was all that they would see. Only Alaina knew better than that. Lying behind his happy smile, and dancing eyes, there was a touch of sadness that hadn't healed. And she knew from what Randy had been telling her that John erred more on the side of caution than normal. Their time together had both changed them beyond words.

"It's a long way to happy for me but I'm trying to get there Johnny boy. How about you? Are you happy John?"

John smiled and nodded. "I'm getting there, slowly but surely."

"Good. With everything between us that happened, I just wanted to make sure that you—I didn't want to hurt you at all John."

John flew out of his chair and to Alaina's side as fresh tears starting falling from her eyes. It was not like Alaina to get overly emotional, especially in front of anyone else. Seeing John for the first time in months, and hearing him talk about his new relationship with Maria had affected Alaina more than she expected.

"Al you have nothing to be sorry for. Everything we went through hurt so much that at first I was so sure that it would destroy me but—I—oh Alaina I love you," John said pulling Alaina to him, kissing her, releasing everything that he had kept pent up for months.

Alaina gave a soft whimper against John's lips as she held onto his arms for support. John was everything that Alaina was missing in her life. His lips held the key to every emotion that her marriage counselor had criticized her for not having in her marriage. In John's arms there were no expectations of perfection or a vision of a superwoman. It was safe to be strong and fragile all at once. And as much as Alaina wanted to believe that the kiss was a kiss that was going to precede a long line of kisses, dates, and a wonderful relationship she could feel from John that it was the exact opposite. John was saying goodbye, and getting his closure.

Randy cleared his throat as he rocked on the balls of his feet. He hated having to interrupt the time between Alaina and John. He knew how badly the two of them needed closure and even more than that, each other. He had watched them fall into each other's arms and sighed. If he could keep them in the little protective bubble they seemed to build when they were on their own, nothing would make him happier. He had discovered months ago what had drawn John to Alaina. Randy had come to love Alaina as another sister while visiting her. It hurt him to have to be the one to bring Alaina and John back to reality and watch their hearts break once more.

"I don't want to break this up kids but the real world calls. We have a show to get to and things to do before we can get to the arena."

John looked toward the door and nodded at Randy. He was afraid that if he began to open his mouth the overwhelming emotions that were running through him would pour out with no means to stop it.

"I'll give you a couple more minutes," Randy said, once more leaving Alaina and John to themselves.

"What happens now?" Alaina whispered as she leaned against John. When she felt John shrug his shoulders beneath her she leaned her head against his shoulder and laughed slightly. "I would try to keep you here with me but you're a bit too large to hide under my desk and sneak out under my coat."

John stayed quiet and hugged her tighter to him. The only thing he knew for sure was that he and Alaina were finally going to part ways. There would be no more late night phone calls and hotel room sleepovers. He was learning to live without needing Alaina every step of the way; the want however, to have her there was just as strong as ever.

"You should go," Alaina said finally pushing John a bit, breaking the hug.

John stood and turned towards the door. So much wanted to be said that he couldn't say anything at all. The only way to leave with a bit of dignity was to leave without a word.

"Any regrets? Between us I mean?" Alaina asked John as he stopped at the door.

John nodded and turned around to look at Alaina smiling and crying at the same time. "I have one," he finally said trying to keep his voice from breaking or the tears from falling once more. "I should have made love to you that night."

Alaina cried and ran to John kissing and hugging him one last time. Alaina rubbed her finger over his lips wiping the smeared lipstick on his lips off the best she could.

"Johnny boy if we had met at a different time and I wasn't—if we could have—" Alaina sighed and looked around. "Would we have made it? I mean would it have been us together, as a couple?"

John smiled and nodded. "Forever and always, me and you, forever and always."

Alaina nodded and let John out of her arms. "Will we make it back—to being friends?"

"Yea, one day. I think we're already on our way to getting there. Goodbye Al." John rubbed Alaina's cheek with his thumb and kissed her forehead before turning and walking out the door.

Alaina smiled and waved as she watched John and Randy make their way to the elevators.

"Goodbye Johnny boy. I love you, forever and always," she whispered to herself, touching her still tingling lips.

Alaina sighed as John and Randy disappeared behind the elevator doors, and smiled and the people walking by her office before walking back to her desk and finishing her work.

* * *

**Alright boys and girls there it is. The end of the story. I hope that you liked it and enjoyed every bit of it. I want to thank you for the reviews and the hits and putting me on alerts and everything else. You taking time out to read my little story and visit my little corner is truly an honor. I thank each and every one of you. **

**I'm toying with the idea of a sequel... if you'd like to see the return of John and Alaina sometime in the future holler at me and let me know.**

**Until then I'm out to go create more masterpieces ;-) As always read, enjoy and share the love you have for my story LOL ;)**


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